New beginnings

This is my raspberry and white chocolate cake, ready for my Macmillan coffee afternoon today between 4pm - 6pm. If you want to stop me eating it all (and I have to say it is lush!) please pop over! Everyone is welcome. If you are not local but would like donate I'll put details at the bottom of the page - thank you x

This week has been incredibly crap. I won't bore you with the details, too much to share, but I'm fairly bereft! But not to worry, things are already improving and I honestly think tough times make you stronger. New brighter horizons ahead. I'm excited.

I also won't bore you with my diet this week. Basically it would consist of chocolate, cake, chocolate!! With a little bit of chocolate thrown in for good measure!

So my poem last week was popular and thank you for your kind words. Hubby complained it was 'dark', but at least he isn't beating me up?! About 20 years ago I wrote a poem about a girl being abused. He worried people would think it was real. But I can assure you it's all from my imagination.

My little boy is 19 on Sunday! One more year as a teenager. I love how my children are growing into lovely adults but alas I'm growing older too. Though I've decided that every year for them is 6 months for me. So on my next birthday I'll be 50½! Whoop. I love the conversations we have now he is older... fine/yeah/maybe/don't know/suppose. And that's just me!

Never interrupt your enemies when they are making a mistake!

If you would like to donate £5* please text my unique text-to-donate code TEA QEA3 to 70550. Thank you so very much.

*Texts cost £5 + standard network charge. Macmillan receives 100% of every £1 donated in this way.

Excess skin

I think this picture is funny. It's on Instagram under Trophy Wife Barbie. There are a few pictures on the page but most are not suitable for general viewing. It does make me wonder, whether I'd have an issue with excess skin, when (if?) I ever manage to lose all my excess weight. I don't think so, but until I do I won't know! Is this excuse enough to stay fat?? Ha ha

As part of my holistic health kick I've been training my brain...I'm learning French! I found a great free app and I'm loving it. I practise every day and I even think it's working (learning French that is - I'm not saying my brain is any younger or brighter). Tu es un chat. Brilliant lol.

So, the other night I couldn't sleep. Then suddenly the words to a poem swam into my head. Don't worry - this is very normal for me. It's when I do all my best work. I've written a dozen books, in my head that is, during the dead of night. Anyway, after reciting it several times I had to get up and find a pen and paper so I could write it down, then go to sleep lol. It's been ages since I posted a poem so here it is. Hope you like it??



I see your face, and I just sigh.
Don't want to look, of course I lie.

You stand so near, I can smell your skin
It's been so long, where do I begin?

It must be years since you mattered most
And now it's like I've seen a ghost.

I remember how you broke my heart
My life, right then, was blown apart.

A single tear rolls down my face
You left me, went, without a trace.

Memories folded, locked away
To leak right out, now, today.

I catch them quick, and squeeze them tight
I'll never let them reach the light.

I vow I'll never speak your name
You're out of my life, yes once again.


If nothing goes right, turn left.

Coffee

Hi everyone. Three things to let you know today.

I'm happy because my weight has settled. I was so worried that after my big holiday weight gain plus the extra handful of pounds I then put on, my weight would creep up until the 2 stones that I lost would be back, plus extra, as my body fought to get back to the 15 stones I was! But it seems happy to stay around 14 stone 2 lbs! And I am ecstatic. I was terrified! So I'm still a stone lighter and now....

I'm back on plan properly. Did you read the Van Tulleken twins health project in the paper last weekend? It's not just about weight but also encouraged better sleep, strength exercises as well as cardio, meditation (basically 5 mins to yourself), getting your 10 fruit and veg a day (5 a day is so last year), less alcohol, mind exercises (learning a new language or doing crosswords) and knocking bad habits on the head. It came with ideas and suggestions on how to do this. And (the best bit) came with a 4 week planner. Who doesn't love a tick box?? I'm back on to the Fast 800 and also dealing with all health issues. Sleep isn't really an issue though I am trying not to look at a blue screen before bed. Getting 10 a day is a struggle - that's a lot of food! Though meditation is the hardest. If you know me you know my mind never stops thinking! Trying not to think of anything is almost impossible. But I'm trying lol.

I'm having a Macmillan coffee afternoon on Friday 27 September 4pm - 6.30pm. please feel free to pop along (message me if you need my address). Cake donation welcome (homemade or bought). If you live too far away you can still donate (hard earned cash please) £5* by texting my unique text-to-donate code TEA QEA3 to 70550. Thank you so very very much.

I do charity work. I volunteer my opinion every single day.

*Texts cost £5 + standard network charge. Macmillan receives 100% of every £1 donated in this way.

Mind shift

I don't post these pictures of myself in the expectation of getting compliments. I post them as a statement about me, my life and my dieting challenges. This is what this blog is all about after all. However I was overwhelmed by so many people saying such nice things after last week. And when you're told by several people that you are actually gorgeous it does rub off. I don't really agree because my description of gorgeous is not what I see in the mirror but I am appreciating what others see. I want to thank you all for your words whether posted online or face to face. They ALL meant so much to me. But a couple have helped to shift my mind set. One friend after telling me my exterior is gorgeous went on to say it was my gorgeous inside that reflected out. This was a beautiful thing to hear. And the second was an ex colleague who I'd see at the gym (This was when I was going to said gym). She's like a gym bunny where I'm more of a gym slug. Anyway, she said 'Go to the gym, and then eat cake'. I don't know if she meant literally but I interpreted it as when you do the things you need to do (to get slimmer and fitter) you then get the rewards (the size 12 jeans, lower blood pressure and a big bit of cake). My head feels so different to that of last week. And I thank you all!

When I first started the blog and posted photos of me in my knickers so many people expressed how brave I was. I don't feel brave, it's just my body and I wear a bikini in front of strangers on holiday so I don't think it's any different. But what I'm not brave enough to do is to tell you what I do to scupper my diet, in the painful details. Because I know you'd all shake your heads and mutter 'Jeez it's no wonder she's fat!'. It's crazy mental. To give you an idea - my hubby often asks me if I'd have let the kids eat that for breakfast? And if course the answer is always...no bloody way!! Yes, I am that naughty!

So today's pic? I'm not fond of my legs but I do think they have potential. I just think this photo makes them look good. And I'm quite proud to show them off. Rather than like with the other body shots I post when I feel I should apologise or post a pre-reading warning!!

Stupid people are like glow sticks. I want to snap them, and shake the shit out of them until the light comes on!