Up a mountain

 

Some of you on Facebook will know that last Saturday I climbed Bennachie with Mark and Bella. I've done it a few times but this was the first since my weight loss. 

Before weight loss - I'd need to sit down and rest at least half a dozen times, my face would be puce, my heart would be bouncing out of my chest and I would be swearing like a navi.

After weight loss - I didn't stop and sit once! I did pull over to let people coming down pass. My face was red and my heart was pumping. And I didn't swear at all. What a difference it felt. I mean, I almost, enjoyed it. I mean it's still hard going but pretty much everyone doing it felt the same. 

We then spent the night at Pittodrie House. It was just lovely. We didn't do anything spectacular. Had a room picnic for lunch and dinner. Had a drink in the lounge and Bella was pretty well behaved. We slept well and it was just so nice. (This was our free night courtesy of hotels.com.)

I'm currently at my sister's house in Worcestershire. We drove down yesterday (with Bella - she's so good in the car) and staying until Tuesday. On Saturday night we have the Riga Ball. It's been organised by the bariatric clinic I went to. A couple of my ward mates will be there and I can't wait to see them again. It's also exciting meeting some of the others who are on the Facebook pages. I have a dress. One from years ago but it's lovely to be in it again - although it's actually a bit too big, but it's fine. I do like it so loving being able to wear it after so long! My sister and BiL are Bella sitting for us. Family are so important and it's hard when we live so far away but special when we catch up. We have such a blast. Another reason I feel so lucky. I love all my family. 

Not only does my mind wander, sometimes it walks off completely.

A weighty issue

 

3pm on a Sunday afternoon. Bubble bath, wine and a book. Perfect. 

Now I've surprised myself with my views of people who are overweight, and I feel a bit of a fraud. Firstly, if anyone asked me about bariatric surgery because they were thinking of taking that route I would absolutely support them, give them honest advice and opinions, and tell them it is the best thing I have ever done. Obviously, I'd never give unsolicited advice or even hint that I think it's something they should consider. But, even though I absolutely hated being overweight myself and it made me miserable I want to tell others to embrace themselves as they are. When someone refuses a biscuit or cake because they are trying to 'be good' I want to shout just eat it and enjoy it! Life is too short to not eat the joyous of foods and the stuff you enjoy. Don't try to diet because diets are rubbish and make you hungry and unhappy. Any weight you loose goes back on at the end of the day. I want people to be happy no matter what their size. No one else cares how you look. I do believe everyone should move, and enjoy lovely fresh, healthy meals but don't get your knickers in a twist. Which I know isn't what I should think. My knickers were very much in a twist and they are so untwisted now. We have a couple of ladies living in the home, a few years older than me, that want to lose weight and talk about dieting and it makes me so sad. I want to tell them not to waste their lives like this. Eat the chocolate and be happy. They have other health conditions to worry about, don't let your weight be another concern. Have I surprised you? It feels like I'm saying that I'm slim now so stuff you but it's not. More like don't waste your life trying to lose weight by deprivation, like I did for 30 years.

Last night, for the summer solstice, Ellie and I did yoga on the beach as the sun came down. It was a bit windy but lovely and sunny. There was about 50 women! It was really good. We then all went for a dip in the sea. It was freezing but great lol. Back to Ellie's flat for a hot shower, red wine and darkmilk buttons! Perfect. 

And now the nights are drawing in lol. 

My age doesn't bother me, it's the side effects that do.

Celebrity

 

I'm really upset about the news that Michael Mosley has died. I think it strange that I'm so affected even though I've never met him, don't know him, he's a stranger to me except....I listen to his podcasts, watch his TV programmes and read his newspaper column. It feels like I do know him. And when Matthew Perry died I actually shed a tear! And yet I wasn't moved when George Michael, Whitney Houston or Michael Jackson died. I think the difference is that the latter three were just singers who were listened to for the odd 3 or 4 minutes at a time, but I'd watched the character Chandler Bing for a decade and he seemed like a really nice guy. Not that the singers weren't nice people but I think it's about being invested. Michael Mosley and Matthew Perry (as Chandler) lived in my house for periods longer than a couple of minutes. Also, their deaths seemed so unnecessary somehow. By all accounts Michael Mosley was so close to being able to get help. It's just so sad. 

This week I celebrated my first anniversary of my surgery. Exactly 12 months past Wednesday. And it's been a heck of a year. 5½ stones lost and feeling awesome. And I'm back in the 10 stones again which is great. 10st 12lb. If I can just do another 7lbs I'd be ecstatic. Friends on Facebook posted this photo from 2017! (See below). I remember getting upset on this trip to Austria because I felt so ugly and fat. And looking at it now I feel that disgusting feeling all over again. I hated being that size and I am truly blessed to have had surgery and lost so much weight. However, I do have peculiar thoughts about other people's weight, but I'll share that next week. 

The dress is from M&S. I've got two, both exactly the same. I saw it on This Morning and it looked nice even though the pictures on the M&S app didn't look as good. I had gift cards so decided to treat myself. Except when I ordered it I forgot about the gift cards and just paid for it with my normal card. But never fear, I ordered it again (intending to return one) with the gift cards. Both dresses arrived Thursday morning but after Mark said I looked like a Christmas tree and Ellie just said 'no!' they will both be going back! I do agree that it's not my favourite. Never mind. More money for holidays, yay. 

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we should dance.

Best news

So two very exciting things happened on my birthday the other week. Not in any particular order but first - I bought a new bikini and I had to take the size 14 back and get a size 12!! 

And second, I got an email from my pension provider (one of a few) to say that now I was 55 I could retire! Yay. Alas, it's not a massive pension pot. I was only paying in from the age of 20 until I left RBS at about 25 but still. I was super excited. That was until Mark said he would now call me a pensioner. And I can't even argue. 

My mental health had a little blip this week. Maybe the down after my birthday high, throw in a little PMT and top up with a busy time at work. The frustration is that part of my brain doesn't understand as I know how lucky I am, and how great my life is and how very grateful I am. But we all know that depression doesn't work like that. Just not enough of the right chemicals and hormones. Who knows why. The good news is that I've recovered and I'm feeling great again. Just a tiny hiccup. 

This is probably linked to the blip but I also put another pound on. This took me back to 11 stone which did not enthuse me. It's so rubbish, I didn't want to see that number on the scales ever again! Sugar has not been my friend but it has featuring in my week quite heavily. Though a seagull saved me from the toffees at work. One sunny day the outer door at work was open and I found a seagull in the foyer with an unwrapped toffee in its beak! With several empty wrappers on the floor. He swallowed it whole before sauntering out without a care in the world. I didn't have my phone so missed this absurd photo opportunity! But honestly! Taking the paper wrapper off first! So cheeky! 

Isaac put squash on the shopping list so this is what I bought. He meant juice! 

The goal is to die with memories, not dreams.