Mammoth decision

Please don't take offence! It's just funny. (Left)

So everyone, I need to tell you something. I've made a huge decision. I'm seeing a surgeon next week about having a gastric balloon. I'm still in shock and I never thought I would go down this road. To be honest I thought I wasn't fat enough - and, being candid, I'm probably not for gastric surgery eg a band or bypass or sleeve. But this is different. Designed for people like me with a BMI of between 30-40. It's a kick start. It's non invasive (done by an endoscopy - which I've had before and absolutely hated). And it's usually left for 6 months. The idea is that it fills your tummy so you eat less. You learn to eat moderately, healthily and lose weight so that you want to keep it off.

Now I know you are only concerned about me but I would really appreciate no negative comments! Please keep them to yourself. I don't want to know about your brother-in-laws cousin's Aunt who had one and it burst and she spoke like Donald Duck for a month! (It's filled with saline not helium!). I will be speaking to an expert and I need to make my decision myself. Hubby is behind me and thinks it's a bargain (it's not) and he'll save that money in food I'd have eaten in 6 months lol.

I do feel like I'm cheating. Which is silly because it's just giving me a leg up. What's the difference in going to a slimming club every week and paying £5 for the privilege? I'm desperate. I'm unhappy. I'm already on meds for related conditions. I don't want to wait until I'm diabetic or have a heart attack. If this works and helps me get to target - then hallelujah!!

If anyone has actually done this themselves feel free to give me feedback/advice/support. But please all wish me luck. I'll let you know how I get on and what my final decision is next week. Thank you

Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

Unzip the fat

So I've been this size for 4 years now. Which, when you consider I'm practically 50, isn't that long. I look in the mirror and I still don't recognise myself! Who the hell is that fat wifey in my bathroom?! I honestly feel like I'm wearing a fat suit like Gwyneth Paltrow in that movie (you know? The one where she's wearing a fat suit). But mine doesn't unzip at the end of the day. The ironic thing is that I grew this extra blubber when I was dealing with depression and eating for comfort. Now the blubber makes me feel miserable - so I'm eating for comfort! Argh! Save me!

My first ever diet was 30 years ago. I think I was about 20. (I wasn't a mum and I don't think I was married). I was 10st 2lbs (positively skinny) and I went on a sponsored slim. (Yes I was raising money even then). I got down to 9st 7lb (wow!) and gave the money to a local hospital. My god how I wish I was that tubby (in my 20 year old head) 10st 2lb lass! Gone forever!!

The British Heart Foundation has loads of info on their website. I was checking my BMI - a slider up for your height and a slider along for your weight. The lovely red animated woman grows as the slider goes along! That's what I ended up as (see pic above). That horrible, if truthful, image of my body. It's yuk! I don't like it! It's not nice and it makes me unhappy. Now where did I put that box of chocolates - I need comfort!!!

If anyone knows where I can get a lobotomy please let me know! It's my head that's broken not my body. The body is just a bi--product. If I can fix my head the body will follow!

Sometimes I shock myself at the clever things I say and do. Other times I try getting out of the car with the seat belt on!

Sorry for delay

I'm here. Sorry for yesterday but better late than never... So they tell me!

And this is my new tattoo. Do you like it? I was a brave little piglet! To be honest it was actually fine. Kim at KB Tattoos was great, she distracts you with chat. I think she's done a fantastic job! And I raised £355 for Alzheimer's which is even better.

I can't go into detail but I've had a really tough week at work. I'd like to say I'm glad it's over but I'm not sure it is. The people that I help can be diverse and sometimes it can be pretty stressful. But I just do the best that I can, within my powers. Sometimes I'm proud and excell as my powers are greater than I imagine. Thank goodness I have the ability to leave work at the door - most of the time at least.

I was thinking (no cheeky comments please) but do other people's issues diminish your own? We all know the saying 'there are people worse off'. If you lose a leg I imagine you don't feel better because someone else lost two! And I know for a fact that I don't feel any better being fat because there are others (plenty of) who are fattter! It is true that I think too much sometimes. It can be my downfall.

Good news? I lost 2cms from my waist this week! No idea how?? But a loss is a loss and I'll take it thank you very much!

My post script this week was tagged to me on Facebook so you may have seen it - but it's pertinent at the moment so I wanted to share -

Your good deeds might seem invisible but they leave a trail that is imprinted on the hearts of others.

No longer a baby

So my little boy was 18 at the weekend! We all had a trip to Inverness to see him. His grandma made the fabulous cake, Isaac with our giant sized Labrador. We had a really good meal and it was lovely to see him again (4 weeks for a mum is a long time!)

What do you do when you just can't seem to get back into the losing weight game? You make everyone else do it with you of course. I've recruited most of the ladies at work to join in to my waist loss challenge (I'm not being sexist here - there is pretty much only one guy who works in my office, and his waist is tiny! Though I did ask if he wanted to join in but  to try to gain weight instead lol. He declined). So we are going by waist measurement - I measured in cms as it's easier to lose 1 cm than 1 inch!! Anything over 80cm is bad but anything over 88cms is really bad. My waist was 103cms. Anyway let's see how it goes. Although watching the amount of chocolates and sweets being eaten it's not going well for any of us.

My mate (which one? - bestie at work one) tagged me on Facebook challenging me to respond within 1 minute (1 minute!!!) or I have to do sober October!! So I thought sod you...I can be sober in October, no problem! And then she invites me to hers for a night of drinking tonight. Who does that? Who? Who would do that?? No bestie of mine that's for sure. But I shouldn't have worried because I actually only managed one day of no alcohol. Come 2nd October I got home from a stressful day and went straight for the bottle! Yes mum - I'm back on the drink again!! Sorry

So my plan? I want to stick to 1600 calories, walk 10000 steps, make the calories count (more health less chocolate) and have one fasting day each week. So far? I've got one day of my step target under my belt but not had a great week of counting calories (oops). Gilly must try hard!

I rescued some wine - it was trapped in a bottle!