Unzip the fat

So I've been this size for 4 years now. Which, when you consider I'm practically 50, isn't that long. I look in the mirror and I still don't recognise myself! Who the hell is that fat wifey in my bathroom?! I honestly feel like I'm wearing a fat suit like Gwyneth Paltrow in that movie (you know? The one where she's wearing a fat suit). But mine doesn't unzip at the end of the day. The ironic thing is that I grew this extra blubber when I was dealing with depression and eating for comfort. Now the blubber makes me feel miserable - so I'm eating for comfort! Argh! Save me!

My first ever diet was 30 years ago. I think I was about 20. (I wasn't a mum and I don't think I was married). I was 10st 2lbs (positively skinny) and I went on a sponsored slim. (Yes I was raising money even then). I got down to 9st 7lb (wow!) and gave the money to a local hospital. My god how I wish I was that tubby (in my 20 year old head) 10st 2lb lass! Gone forever!!

The British Heart Foundation has loads of info on their website. I was checking my BMI - a slider up for your height and a slider along for your weight. The lovely red animated woman grows as the slider goes along! That's what I ended up as (see pic above). That horrible, if truthful, image of my body. It's yuk! I don't like it! It's not nice and it makes me unhappy. Now where did I put that box of chocolates - I need comfort!!!

If anyone knows where I can get a lobotomy please let me know! It's my head that's broken not my body. The body is just a bi--product. If I can fix my head the body will follow!

Sometimes I shock myself at the clever things I say and do. Other times I try getting out of the car with the seat belt on!