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Woe is me?

 

We've had a few days away. Hot tub, sauna, double bath, lots of prosecco - all very romantic. One afternoon I decided to snuggle on the hammock with my blanket and a book, in the sun and fresh air. Guess who decided to join me? Oh yes, Libby the Labrador likes a hammock and furry blanket too! So much for peace and book reading lol.  She does snuggle well though! 

I don't want this to be doom and gloom - you know I always try to make you smile rather than frown - but today it's all gloom and doom. My diet? What diet? Yet again I've failed to pick up the pace. I'm in that place where I'm stuck in a jam. I can't do what I need to and I'm not losing weight. I've been doing this, writing my diet blog, for over 4 years and I've got no where. I've been trying to lose weight for 27 years. And where have I got? Just round and round in circles. I have some success then it slips and I go back to the beginning. What the hell do I do? After all this time we can't say that I'm a successful dieter can we? But how long do I keep on this treadmill? I'm miserable. Miserable at failing. Miserable at not managing to keep off what I've lost. But most of all I'm miserable being fat! It's not attractive. And it's really not healthy. But what do I do? I'm sorry guys, I know I've said all this before. I'm sorry I can't entertain you. I'm sorry that my blog might stop. No point me just writing about how bad I am at dieting! Don't you think? The thing is I don't think I can stop. I can't accept the way I look! I really really want to be thinner, healthier. I want to stop snoring and reduce my blood pressure if nothing else. Please don't tell me I'm lovely as I am - thank you though. If you can think of anything to say to help me though I'd appreciate your input. I can't do part time dieting, I can only do all in. So close to Christmas I'm demotivated knowing that any weight I might lose now will all go to pot during the festivities. And I just can be arsed to put in that kind of effort to feel shit again come new year! The only thing keeping me going is that after Hogmanay it's a new year, new start! I'm forgetting about losing 5 stones. Just 3! I just want to go full throttle and lose 3 stone. I should feel and look better then. And at that point I'll deal with the almost inevitable, trying to stay there. 

Sorry this has been a bit poo. Please message me with your thoughts and ideas - if you think you can help me I'd be forever grateful xx

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and tell me it's ok. To give me a large glass of prosecco and £5,000,000! 

7 weeks to go.

I bought a new coat - see pic. I needed something warm and cosy and damp proof, mostly for walking Libby the Labrador. This is all of that but more, it's actually too warm at the moment! It'll come into it's own when the weather gets proper cold. I got a size 18 as I normally wear a size 16. I got it home and decided a size bigger would be better, so I can get a think woolly jumper underneath. Back at the shop it felt unpleasant asking for a size 20! I've never had any item of clothing in a size 20, ever. I didn't like it but then I realised that it's not the size of your clothes that dictates your fatness but your actual fat. If the coat had accidentally been given a size 12 label that wouldn't make me a size 12. I went into the store with a size 18 and came out with a size 20 but I hadn't actually got any fatter in that 10 minutes.  I mean most of my clothes and all my jeans are size 16 - from Tesco & Asda where I buy them. I bet I couldn't get into a size 16 in Next or M&S. But I'm not bigger in those shops am I? My body size is my body size regardless of the number.

So Christmas is coming! Now we're into November the festive traditions begin. So far I have - 

- drank mulled wine 

- eaten a few mince pies.

- put the Xmas bedding on my bed

- bought 80% of my presents

- worn my new Christmas top

- seen a house with their Christmas lights up

What I haven't done yet -

- put up the decorations (has to wait until December)

- written cards (probably won't get done)

- made a Christmas cake (definitely won't get done)

- played festive music in the car (this will be soon)

- finish my Christmas shopping (this will be very soon).

- opened the Heroes (um, I'll keep you posted on this one)

Enjoy your November and get your traditions started. Though my son thinks nothing about Christmas should be done until December! Bah humbug! 

I thought that having stitches in my mouth and being tender & sore would have helped my diet, but alas no. Zero weight loss again this month. Life is just getting in my way. Bah humbug to diets! 

Doing your best in this moment, puts you in the best place for the next moment.