Autumn forage

 

The weather has turned to autumn for sure. A lovely walk through the trees at Aden Country Park with cool sunshine and not a breathe of wind. Picking a (poo) bag full of blackberries with a dog running around reminding me how good this season is. I had enough for 4 breakfasts with natural yogurt and granola. I tried Bella with one but she spat it out in disgust.

My tummy can definitely fit more in that it used to. Not that I'm eating a lot mind you but just a bit more. However, my weight has never been so stable. 10 stone 10lbs is absolutely my natural set point. It's remained this for so many months now, I'd even guess at most of this year. Only holidays adjusting it a little, but then going back again very quickly. Just like a normal person, in my opinion. I ain't going to try to fight it. If I now deliberately tried to lose weight that would be going 'on a diet'. Trying to restrict how much I eat (and what I eat) only for my body to rebel and fight to return to my set/natural weight. Then we have the yo-yo followed by my set weight getting confused and weight gain will commence. If I stay at this weight, eating what I eat, I will be eternally happy. I'm not skinny (never, ever been my goal) and perhaps not slim but I'm thin for me and more importantly I'm ecstatic. 

This week I made some Viennese biscuits, they were eaten by Mark and Isaac before I could count them. I made a tarragon chicken recipe for the first time ever, which was good. And with the rest of the chicken and creme fraiche I also made a chicken and mushroom stroganoff. It was so delicious! Though Isaac turned his nose up lol. 

On top of a busy week at work that's me! I hope you've all had a lovely week. Enjoy this weekend and I'll see you soon. Thank you for continuing to read my witterings. If you didn't read, I wouldn't write. 

I read this on Facebook this week, me and Mark to a tee -

Partner 1 - That's the boarding cards, passports and rental car details. 

Partner 2 - Where are we going again? 

I shall let you guess who is who (like that would be hard to figure out lol).

Ignorant

Writing this Thursday on our drive home from Ragdale Hall, after a lovely time. Feeling soft (skin), relaxed & rejuvenated (body and mind) and achy (thighs). Ragdale is such a special place and I can't wait to go back. 

Those who have watched my video, addendum, will know that I had to tell a couple to shhh 🤫 in the candle lit cave but this morning in the Thought Zone there were 3 women chatting away. Before I entered it was just them but when I went in they didn't stop. They weren't even whispering. After a while I had to remind them it was a silent room. One of them turned and said 'We're having a private conversation' - (not very private as I could clearly hear every word), then 'I should shut up then should I?' Yes, please I replied! Honestly some people are just ignorant. There are lots of places where you can talk, only a few are silent. And if I can keep schtum I'm sure everyone can. The signs don't say keep it down, be quieter or whisper only! They very obviously say Silence Please! God, I can be bolchy when I need to. I bet they called me a cow bag when I left lol. Am I bothered? 

Every previous visit to Ragdale I'd promise myself when leaving that next time I go I'll be slimmer. And that never happened.... Until now. And the difference in doing the classes was like apples and oranges. I felt so fit (and I'm not even particularly fit) and strong. The yoga was my best ever. This made me very happy. My thighs are sore after Core Board but that's good. I'm so happy and content (at the same time I'm sad that it's over). 

I also slept like a log. Which was great as my sleep just recently hasn't been so good. I blame the menopause, which it probably is, but I also wondered if it was alcohol as I definitely process it differently now. But we had prosecco in our room, a glass of wine with dinner and a cocktail after dinner so I've been anything but sober. I need to keep up the exercise and see if that makes the difference. Zzzzz

I don't snore, I purr with the force of 10,000 kittens.

Laura

 

Drove back to Newcastle last night, to be here for my Auntie Laura's funeral today. We were travelling south anyway on Monday so it was easy enough just to come early. I'm glad I can attend though funerals are, obviously, so sad. I could probably attend a complete strangers funeral service and cry. The last funeral I attended was my aunt's eldest son's, Simon, who took his own life* just before COVID. It's the same crematorium so I know I'll be thinking about him a lot. His death hit me hard, even though as adults we didn't see much of each other. My mum saw him frequently and he was a kind and thoughtful guy. I wanted to know why I couldn't save him. Which is ridiculous, if his parents couldn't save him and his brothers couldn't save him, how could I?

Keeping this bleak theme I was wondering if I've really discussed the negative of my weight loss surgery? (We certainly know the good bits). I have scars but really they are tiny and faded and no big deal. I shouldn't eat and drink together but I'm not a great drinker (stop laughing, I'm not talking about alcohol - not yet, see below lol) anyway so it's mostly not noticeable. It's costing me a fortune in new clothes but this is actually great fun! 

The real negatives -

- lots of loose skin. It's not a deal breaker but I would really rather not have it. It's all over my body - legs, arms, face, back, tummy but hey ho. 

- sometimes when I'm eating something really delicious it is a pain in the arse that I can only eat a little and leaving good food is really, really awful. 

- there's a few things I still can't eat/drink. The biggy (for me) is Bailey's. More than a shot glass full makes me feel proper poorly! 😭

- I am not supposed to drink anything fizzy. Coke etc doesn't bother me but prosecco is a diet staple. I give it a stir then drink it anyway. 

- I get drunk so much easier on so much less. I've been quite tiddly a few times this year on not that much alcohol. I would change this if I could. (And don't say just drink less!)

Last Friday I took all my too big clothes and either took them to the charity box or got them on Vinted. I've sold four things, for not that much money lol. Next week what isn't sold is going to charity! I can't keep them for the sake of it. Shame, as there's some nice stuff, but you need to do what you need to do. 

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got lost, and now I need a pee. 

*If you are worried about someone just ask the question, directly. Don't say "Are you thinking of doing something silly" - it's anything but silly to them. Ask them if they are thinking of killing themselves. If they answer yes ask them if they have a plan. If this is a yes, get help. The Samaritans are a starting place but there are loads of organisations that can help. 

Decision

 

Thank you for all the feedback. It was very positive towards the original words and the newest video, though the oldies (mentioning no names, mum and mum in law, and Mark!) prefer the former. So I've made a decision. My written blog will continue weekly and I'll do my video once a month. I plan on it being more of a travel vlog. Let's face it, this year at least, I've been away every month. I hope you'll enjoy both and I'll continue to post by what's app and on Facebook. I might get my head around YouTube and even tiktok - you never know. 

My friend above is Charlie, the 8 foot python that visited us at work. I felt pretty confident holding him. To be honest, it was the tirantula that I was scared of. 

I went to Newcastle last weekend with Isaac, last minute plan. My aunt had been taken into a hospice on palliative care, when I was on holiday. I was hoping to see her one last time, to say my goodbye but sadly she died on Sunday night. I told her I loved her the last time I saw her a few weeks ago, for this I am grateful. I used to stay with her when I was a little girl. And I remember asking her why she wasn't my mummy. She had three boys, so getting to be girly with me was a treat. God bless her. 

This week has been tough. Work has been busy and hard. I've felt like I've been walking through treacle. Today I'm off and home, first time in a few weeks. I plan on moping but at the same time I have so much I need to do. I've secured a lovely person to do my cleaning (I hate cleaning) but I need to sort out lots of shit before she can swing the dusting cat. I'll rope Ellie in to help me. She's ruthless, and will bin everything that she deems worthless - I'll have to watch her carefully, goodness knows what I might lose. That punch bowl that is in the cupboard, from 20 years ago, never used but might come in handy one day, probably the day after Ellie chucks it! 

You might have scars, but at least that means the bleeding has stopped.