Laura

 

Drove back to Newcastle last night, to be here for my Auntie Laura's funeral today. We were travelling south anyway on Monday so it was easy enough just to come early. I'm glad I can attend though funerals are, obviously, so sad. I could probably attend a complete strangers funeral service and cry. The last funeral I attended was my aunt's eldest son's, Simon, who took his own life* just before COVID. It's the same crematorium so I know I'll be thinking about him a lot. His death hit me hard, even though as adults we didn't see much of each other. My mum saw him frequently and he was a kind and thoughtful guy. I wanted to know why I couldn't save him. Which is ridiculous, if his parents couldn't save him and his brothers couldn't save him, how could I?

Keeping this bleak theme I was wondering if I've really discussed the negative of my weight loss surgery? (We certainly know the good bits). I have scars but really they are tiny and faded and no big deal. I shouldn't eat and drink together but I'm not a great drinker (stop laughing, I'm not talking about alcohol - not yet, see below lol) anyway so it's mostly not noticeable. It's costing me a fortune in new clothes but this is actually great fun! 

The real negatives -

- lots of loose skin. It's not a deal breaker but I would really rather not have it. It's all over my body - legs, arms, face, back, tummy but hey ho. 

- sometimes when I'm eating something really delicious it is a pain in the arse that I can only eat a little and leaving good food is really, really awful. 

- there's a few things I still can't eat/drink. The biggy (for me) is Bailey's. More than a shot glass full makes me feel proper poorly! 😭

- I am not supposed to drink anything fizzy. Coke etc doesn't bother me but prosecco is a diet staple. I give it a stir then drink it anyway. 

- I get drunk so much easier on so much less. I've been quite tiddly a few times this year on not that much alcohol. I would change this if I could. (And don't say just drink less!)

Last Friday I took all my too big clothes and either took them to the charity box or got them on Vinted. I've sold four things, for not that much money lol. Next week what isn't sold is going to charity! I can't keep them for the sake of it. Shame, as there's some nice stuff, but you need to do what you need to do. 

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got lost, and now I need a pee. 

*If you are worried about someone just ask the question, directly. Don't say "Are you thinking of doing something silly" - it's anything but silly to them. Ask them if they are thinking of killing themselves. If they answer yes ask them if they have a plan. If this is a yes, get help. The Samaritans are a starting place but there are loads of organisations that can help.