Another year

Please meet Einstein the Elf

I must firstly tell you that I had a really lovely Christmas. With my husband and both kids home what more could I want? We all received amazing gifts and ate and drank in front of the fire. Drank?? Well.... Yes, a little. My daughter googled Google until she found a website that indicated a little alcohol drank with concussion wouldn't kill me. Bonus!

My concussion is still here. I tried to shave my legs in the shower on Christmas morning - bad idea! Woozy understatement! I ended up sitting down in the tray to do it. Uncomfortable and with a cold bum! By Wednesday I thought I was feeling better.... By Thursday I'd decided I wasn't! It's getting on my nerves now! I am not amused.

On Christmas Eve I found a lump in my armpit. Hard, the size of a pea, not painful. I kept thinking it was probably harmless but a tiny bit of me was worried. Anyway doctor saw me promptly on Wednesday and put my mind at ease. She's happy it's benign.

With 2018 fast approaching this is the time we reflect on the past year - at least I usually do. Not this year. No more looking behind me, that can't be helpful to anyone. I guess mistakes made can be analysed (to prevent a recurrence) and then stapled, filed under S and locked away. We are also supposed to look forward and make resolutions! Nope nada no. My annual 'I will lose weight', 'I will go to the gym' and 'I will become the best version of me - slim and fit and funny and gorgeous and tidy and thorough and healthy...' hasn't made a jot of difference in the past God knows how many years! In 2018 I'll look at each day as it comes. No promises. No commitments. No contract. Just me, thankful for each day I wake up. My family and my friends and my pets and my colleagues. This is me (like me or lump me) and this is my blog (read me or don't). I'll be here with my weekly views on my fat bum and I hope you'll join me. Wishing you all a fantastic New Year - whatever your plans or wishes or wants. I hope 2018 is your year!!

You can't go back to make a brand new start but from now you can start and make a brand new ending!

PS ignore the utter shit above - I will be desperately trying to lose weight and get fit and healthy - if it kills me!

What a week!

So my week? Well the picture is a clue... Can you guess?

Firstly... It snowed!
Secondly.... It froze.
Thirdly...I slipped

So 8am Sunday morning I slipped on the ice rink that was my road. I actually saw stars and my teeth displaced! I lay on the cold ground for ages before I realised I had to get up. I was confused and couldn't remember where my daughter's bedroom was. I found her lol. A quick trip to A&E for a check. I was fine but had concussion. Have you ever had concussion? It's weird as F*@#. My head is thick and woozy. For the first few days it felt so heavy I thought it would roll off my shoulders! And even now, when I go to bed, I have to lie as still as I can. If I move my head when I'm in bed the room spins. It's like being drunk without all the good bits. Not fun. And then... Hold on to your seats...I'm not allowed to drink alcohol!!! Like really?! It's just a few days to Christmas. I'm gutted! I'm no alcoholic honest, but Christmas without a bucks fizz for breakfast, a glass of bubbly before dinner, wine at dinner, liqueur after dinner, Irish coffee, Christmas cocktail, Bailey's.....

My daughter slipped on the ice the week before. She fractured her coccyx!! That's why she's home at the moment - I'm supposed to be looking after her lol. She's in agony and has to sit on a maternity ring. Sometimes she's on all fours watching TV. She hobbles like an old lady. No, it's not funny! She has so many different pain killers she's rattling. BUT SHE CAN DRINK WITH THEM ALL!!!! (And it's a little bit funny that she's sitting on a rubber ring!)

I would like to wish you all a very merry Christmas. Eat drink and party. Be nice to each other and have a drink for me.

Why was the snowman looking in the veg drawer? He was picking his nose!

Spot the difference

WARNING: IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE DO NOT READ THE JOKE AT THE BOTTOM (IT'S A TEENY BIT RUDE)

What do you notice? That I look a bit like a snowman? Ha ha ha

So this week I put my Christmas album onto repeat! So every day it's been playing, round and round on a loop! It's been great and I'm not even sick of it yet.

I've decided I'm not fat I'm just in the wrong profession (and no! I don't mean sumo wrestler). I should be a celebrity (I can see some of you nodding - you know I'm a drama queen).! Could you imagine? Losing loads of weight on I'm a Celebrity Get me Out of Here? Rice and beans and voila. Then a stint on Strictly Come Dancing. All that exercise! Burning calories and toning up. And then this year a bonus one - Dancing on Ice! Awesome lol. Being cold and pirouettes! Your metabolism would be in over drive - win win!

I'm managing to keep things in check. Not too many Roses or mince pies. My weight is steady with only one more Christmas do to go! So looking forward to the New Year! A new year has so many possibilities. You can fail on so many resolutions - losing weight, stop eating sugar, being nice to your spouse! The list is endless. Don't you just love it?

 Why is Santa's sack so full? He only comes once a year!

I'm not prepared

So, I'm not prepared... In all senses. Firstly I'm not prepared for this blog. No idea what I'm writing so it'll be gobbledegook this week (you probably won't even notice). I'm not prepared for Christmas, only 2 weeks away so I'll just wing it! And I'm not prepared for weight gain (as I've no weight loss to compensate).

It suddenly occurred to me the other day that I hadn't stepped on the scales in ages! Now this is dangerous, so very dangerous. This is how you put on a stone without noticing! This is how I put on 5 stones without noticing (ha ha that's a big fat lie obviously, imagine me not noticing a huge 5 stones?! - it was 6 stones). So the other day I braced myself and took a deep breath and.... Drum roll please.....I weighed exactly the same as when I last looked! Phew! So happy. (You may have guessed that deep down I was hoping for a miraculous weight loss - ha ha imagine that. Losing weight without even trying?! I think that's called diabetes). Anyway good news really.

So last month I didn't fast forward my Christmas CD when it came on in the car. This week I actually fast forwarded all the others (Ed Sheeran, Crowded House, Pete Tong - my eclectic taste) to select the Christmas CD! Singing all the way to work! IT'S CHRISTMAS!! Thank you Noddy!

Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.

Damage limitation

Can you believe it? This is my last booked holiday? No more until my next holiday year starts in April! And nothing booked so no plans to go away. Well.... Obviously I have plans, in my head, but nothing confirmed shall we say. So we've had a few days in a forest wooden lodge. Awesome. Hot tub, wood burner, fairy lights. Lots of walks with my hubby and dog. She has loved all the swimming. In the loch, rivers and streams! It must be bloody freezing but in she always goes!!

So it's like 3 weeks to Christmas? The season of stuffing ones face. My plan is to enjoy myself without it being mental. Have 4 Quality Street instead of ten. Just one bottle of prosecco instead of 2! You get my drift? I can't lose weight before the big day (that's just silly talk) but I will enjoy myself and not fret. Worrying is such a waste of time and doesn't even burn off many calories - so why bother? However.... Come the new year... I'll be on it like a car bonnet! I know you've all heard that before! And no, nothing is different this time, but I can't stop trying!! It's the only thing stopping me from falling into an obese stupor! A chocolate coma in a size 50! (Does size 50 exist?). I will continue on my mission and just maybe this time next year I'll have dropped my stone!!? Just the one mind! Ha ha ha

I'm on a new diet. You eat everything and hope for a miracle!