Holiday blues

Just back from a fabulous time away but holidays always make me have paradoxical feelings.

Whenever I book a holiday I always think 'Right, by the time we go away I'll have lost (insert number here) stones.' And of course it never ever happens. Then I'll go on holiday and think 'Right, I am what I am and I'll wear my bikini and don't care what people think'. I'll strut my stuff fat and proud not hiding in a swim suit - as let's face it you can still see I'm fat. Still look fat in shorts and even if I wore a beach burka you could still see I'm fat! So a bikini it is. But whilst I'm not necessarily the fattest I am sharing the pool/beach with more svelte ladies. And eventually it wears me down and I'm not so proud. I end up just fat and fed up. Feeling miserable and wondering why I wasn't able to lose the pounds I'd promised myself on booking? Then to absolutely put the nail in the coffin I see the holiday photos (see exhibit A) and just lower my head in shame. It's just so very wrong and very depressing.

So today my little boy leaves me. Off to uni he goes. He's close enough to reach him in an emergency but not so close that I can pop up for the weekend. I expect I'll next see him at Christmas! I've spent 18 years preparing him for this moment. I hope I've done a good enough job. I'm proud of what he's achieved but bereft at the same time. Parenting is just a transfer of responsibilities. When they are born you have full responsibility then as they grow you slowly pass this baton. Until one day they have all grown and never pass the baton back.

Well if anyone is in doubt of what I'll be doing over the next few weeks please call! Lol

Everyone knows how to raise children. Except the people who have them!

Pass the biscuit tin.

So I'm a comfort eater. Whether I'm sad, frustrated, angry or disappointed I eat. Now I'm pretty sure this is not big news but I thought you should know what's in my life to be comfort eating so much. Now this is not an exercise in 'Woe is Gilly!' We all have our problems - blimey I must know most of yours! But for those not in the know I feel I just share (I write a weekly blog - I must share some stuff). I lead a charmed life, and I know some are not as lucky as me, but everyone's issues are their own.

So my eldest child had an operation on Tuesday (to fix her knee after a skiing accident). It's her first time under general anaesthetic. And her lovely boyfriend will be leaving to join the navy soon, and she'll be sad. (Mother's don't like their children being sad).

My youngest child has just passed his driving test. Then he announced that he would be driving to Inverness within one week of passing his test. Now Inverness is only 100 miles away - but it's a hard 100 miles with no dual carriageway and single lane roads. Takes over 2 hours. And it was Tuesday! My tummy was churning!! But he did a grand job... Thanks to the tracking app which told me where he was. Then in exactly one week he'll be leaving me for ever as he starts university! Ahhh sob sob

My baby (4 year old golden Labrador) is on Prozac. Literally, the human medication of floroxidine. She is super stressed and scared of her own Shadow. Sometimes she won't even leave the house.

I have problems at work - can't talk about them here. And my contract ends end of December. Might get more funding but no idea yet. Do I hold on and pray or try to get a new job? You see things are complicated in Gilly land!

Anyway I hope your work woes are manageable. Feel the need to find the biscuit tin? Do what I don't and go for a run instead.

PS no sarcastic remarks please.

When my colleague isn't present at work - 5% hopes they are ok. 95% how dare they leave me alone!! Lol xx

Do you want to be in my gang?

So I've been thinking about friendship and the different types of 'diet' mates that I've come across over my years of trying to lose weight.

1. The competitor - will go to the class with you, share recipes and spur you on. They'll also try to beat you in your weight loss goals.

2. The saboteur - will bring you cake and chocolate and make you feel guilty for not eating them... Until you finally succumb.

3. The selfish - they will be thin themselves but will keep telling you that you are fine as you are, that you don't need to lose weight and that of course you should eat the cream cake if you want to because life is short. But they really want to keep you fat because it makes them feel that they are better than you because they are slim.

4. The try hard - really wants to lose weight with you and will for a bit. Then they'll get bored and cheat... And they encourage you to cheat too.

5. The supporter - will want you to succeed. They'll check your progress and praise your effects. They'll say all the right things and try to keep you going.

6. The denier - they are fat and they want you to stay fat because if you are successful they know that there are no excuses and they too should address their weight issues but they don't want to. So they will keep inviting you to lunch, to dinner, to the pub and huff when you don't.

I think all my friends are now trying to work out what type they are lol.

So what is a friend? The Cambridge dictionary describes it -

'a person who you know well, that you like a lot, that is not your enemy and who you trust.'

But I prefer the urban dictionary definition -

'a person who is aware of how retarded you are and still manages to be seen in public with you. Someone who makes you laugh until you pee your pants. When you don't have enough money for an ice cream, they chip in. They know all of your passwords. They would never make you cry just to be mean'.

Some people come into your life for a small period. You think you're inseparable but you drift apart for whatever reason - just life I guess. And others come into your life, put their PJs on, open a bottle of wine and stay forever!

If you are my friend I just want to thank you. I love you and I try my best. I hope you are wearing your PJs!

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the body!

PS if I get dementia and forget you, please forgive me. In the mean time please remember to donate to my fundraising endeavours with Alzheimer's Society! https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/gilly-wilson3

Pros & Cons

This was one of the tattoo designs hubby was thinking of submitting for my competition/fundraising to be tattooed on my lower back! So cheeky! So far he hasn't but I wouldn't put it past him.

I hope you've all now seen my charity fundraising effort. Even if you're not interested in the tattoo please donate, no matter how small - it all adds up and this is a very worthwhile cause. If you've never been affected by Alzheimer's then watch The Notebook.
www.justgiving.com/fundraising/gilly-wilson3

I thought you might like my pros & cons of being fat!

PROS

1. The fat insulates you and keeps you warm in winter.
2. You can just go ahead and eat pizza, chips, cake, chocolate etc etc
3. You don't have to run. You can't run so why try?
4. You don't have to worry about what you wear. You feel a state in everything so hey!
5. You make a big splash when you jump in the pool.
6. You can drink more before getting drunk.
7. You're the happy bubbly one.
8. You spend your life thinking about food... that's a lot.
9. Eating makes you happy.

CONS

1. You sweat a lot in the summer - which is not a good look.
2. It can increase your risk of illness.
3. You'll probably snore.
4. It's a nightmare finding clothes to fit.
5. You feel stupid wearing a bikini or shorts.
6. You feel ugly.
7. You're more likely to be found guilty.
8. You're less likely to get that job.
9. It costs more to get drunk.
10. You spend your life thinking about diets.
11. Being fat makes you cry.

Well the cons win - better get on and lose that weight then! And before you all get your knickers in a twist and I get thousands of messages telling me that fat people can run or they can wear a bikini and feel proud - these are just my own warped views about me being fat, so it's fine. Off you go - running in your bikini then.

When I went running today I heard someone clapping, it was just my thighs cheering me on.

I'm as heavy as a giant anteater

It's true! Here's the proof - I am as heavy as a giant anteater. The National Museum of Scotland in Edinburgh told me. It was pretty horrendous actually. There were great big tall grown men who were also as heavy as a giant anteater.... And me!

So I've had a check up with my GP. He thinks this low spell is because my baby is going to university soon. And I probably agree. There are lots of stressful things in my life at the moment but my little boy going out into the big bad world is a worry. I know I don't look old enough for my youngest to be leaving home, but what can I tell you? I'm blessed! Anyway I could go on and on about my mental health, but I don't want to do that - I'd have to change the name of my blog to Gilly's Doom and Gloom. But I do want to tell you how it affects my eating. In just a couple of words " I eat too much". I comfort eat. I eat when I'm hungry and I eat when I'm not. I eat when I'm full and I eat when I really don't want to. I just eat all the time. My head just can't cope with any sensible eating plan. I can't eat healthily and it makes me miserable! And then we go round and round in circles. And no one can tell me! No one can help me! I just can't/won't listen. But I'll get better and I'll do it.

Right! Now the exciting bit. Would you like to design a tattoo for my lower back? You can pick/draw/design anything you like. The only catch is I'd like you to donate £10 to the Alzheimer's society, through my Just Giving page, to enter the competition. All designs into a hat and one pulled out will be tattooed onto my back. All the rules are on www.justgiving.com/fundraising/gilly-wilson3 
Message me if you have any questions. Thank you so much for your support. Please feel free to donate any amount even if you don't want to enter a tattoo idea. Thank you so much. Ooh, and please share and tell all your friends!

No I don't care what my tattoos look like when I'm 90, I'll just be glad that I'm still alive!