Holiday blues

Just back from a fabulous time away but holidays always make me have paradoxical feelings.

Whenever I book a holiday I always think 'Right, by the time we go away I'll have lost (insert number here) stones.' And of course it never ever happens. Then I'll go on holiday and think 'Right, I am what I am and I'll wear my bikini and don't care what people think'. I'll strut my stuff fat and proud not hiding in a swim suit - as let's face it you can still see I'm fat. Still look fat in shorts and even if I wore a beach burka you could still see I'm fat! So a bikini it is. But whilst I'm not necessarily the fattest I am sharing the pool/beach with more svelte ladies. And eventually it wears me down and I'm not so proud. I end up just fat and fed up. Feeling miserable and wondering why I wasn't able to lose the pounds I'd promised myself on booking? Then to absolutely put the nail in the coffin I see the holiday photos (see exhibit A) and just lower my head in shame. It's just so very wrong and very depressing.

So today my little boy leaves me. Off to uni he goes. He's close enough to reach him in an emergency but not so close that I can pop up for the weekend. I expect I'll next see him at Christmas! I've spent 18 years preparing him for this moment. I hope I've done a good enough job. I'm proud of what he's achieved but bereft at the same time. Parenting is just a transfer of responsibilities. When they are born you have full responsibility then as they grow you slowly pass this baton. Until one day they have all grown and never pass the baton back.

Well if anyone is in doubt of what I'll be doing over the next few weeks please call! Lol

Everyone knows how to raise children. Except the people who have them!