My tattoo

BEWARE - CONTAINS SWEAR WORDS!

So this is the winning tattoo. It's even more pertinent because it was my mum's design. Well... She said 'A tattoo of a poppy!'. I originally found a very simple design but then I found this one and loved it. It will always remind me of my mum. In the end I had 8 designs sent. Some of my donators didn't want the responsibility of giving me a tattoo - which I respect. They all went into a bag and my colleague pulled the poppy out. Thank you so much to everyone that donated. I raised £355! Not too shabby.

So what is my new ailment this week? Well I shall tell you... Shin splints! Now you may be surprised. I am. And you may laugh. I didn't! Basically it's associated with running and let's say (simply) I don't run! Ever! Not even a bath, since last winter anyhow. But that's what it feels like - a pain in my shin. And yes! I do know what they feel like. I once ran. Not once like I only ran once but once like one period of running. Years and years ago. I did the 5k Race for Life. I trained and everything. And got shin splints. Look them up on the NHS site and guess what causes it (apart from running) go on... You'll never guess. Drum roll please.... Being overweight! Bloody beggars belief! Of... fucking...  course! What else??

I've made a profound decision. I am going to lose weight! I know? Who'd have believed it! Not got a firm plan but I'll give you all the details next week. Diets always start on a Monday - it's the law. I've been farting about too long. It's now or never. I just wish I didn't like food so much. It's a real ball ache! Never mind, I will have a plan - soon!

People with tattoos are more fun to see naked!

Forrest who?

So if life is like a box chocolates I've just eaten the Turkish delight! Yeugh!

My friend messaged me to ask why I was feeling so glum (I can tell you're dying to know which friend... I'll tell you then... My friend from birth). So I bent her ear about my son, my dog, my job, bereavements... And yet failed to mention the one thing that is really making me miserable. And just in case you can't guess - my fat. Oh my lord! I just hate. And it truly makes me feel shit.

I've been to the hairdresser's - come out with gorgeous, shiny, flowing locks. All good you guess? No! I've just spent 2½ hours looking at myself in a mirror. My pixie eyes and round round face and then all the chin fat!!! Yuck. No wonder I'm down on myself. (Violins please).

When I was sharing a room with my daughter the other weekend she said that when I was sleeping my breathing kept stopping! Great! Let's just add sleep apnea to the list. On the plus side (and I don't mean my left buttock) I couldn't lose weight for vanity, or for my blood pressure, or for my snoring or my prolapse - let's see if I can lose weight for sleep apnea! Don't hold your breathe - ha ha ha ha pun intended.

On Facebook yesterday an ex colleague announced she'd got her 5 stone lost award from Slimmers World!! 5 stone is amazing! 5 stone is what I need to lose! I'm delighted for her but I'm gutted for me. That should be me. It needs to be me. Hopefully her achievement will help spur me on. She's at least proved that 5 stone can be done!! A huge well done! (Bitch)

Of course for all this moaning we all know I lead a charmed life. I don't like the Turkish delight but I certainly like all the others. In fact if I hadn't hoovered down the rest of the box I probably wouldn't be in this position!

Exercise is a dirty word - every time I mention it I wash my mouth out with chocolate!

Philosophical

So I was away for a long weekend with a couple of colleagues and my daughter. A lodge amongst trees. If you saw the amount of alcohol and snacks we bought you'd realise that healthy eating was the furthest thing from my mind! Pizza, crisps, chocolates.... Great lol

We talked about friendship - I think it was the transition of colleague to friend (it's very bonding sitting in a hot tub for 8 hours, and truth or dare is very enlightening - see left). It has been known for me to be deep and philosophical. I've really been analysing what friendship actually is. I'm proud to say that I do have lots of friends  - in all shapes and sizes (not the size of the person more the shape of friendship we have). My oldest friend I have known since birth (well we were born 5 days apart in the same hospital... And yes, I'm the eldest) and we've always been friends. (GoodGrief almost 50 years now). Over the years it's been sporadic, sometimes just birthday and Christmas cards with probably years between seeing each other. Since we were 4 years old we've lived mostly 250+ miles apart. As we get older we get closer.
I have mates from school, so that's nearly 40 years! We've shared a lot and one of them has more texts in my phone than the other but that's ok.
Then friends from work - all my jobs, RBS (35 years), Bayview (18 years) and B&Q (10 years) and of course my work now!
Some friends come into your life and you think they'll stay forever. You do everything together but then for no real reason you drift apart. Maybe one of you moves or changes jobs. Sometimes you lose contact and never see them again. I must tell you that I've never fallen out of a friendship (though disagreements may have happened - well, with one particular friend (no names) who will know who she is! Ha ha ha - we're still mates). It's sad when a friendship changes and becomes something less. No fault, just life.
I worry that I expect too much. I'm disappointed if things don't pan as I think it will. For instance I think I know the friends that will remember my birthday, those that might forget and those that don't have a clue. If I get this wrong I'll feel hurt (this is a bad example because I'm crap at remembering anything including birthdays). A better example is this blog. Some people close to me don't read it (I know?! Look what they're missing) and that not only disappointed me but upsets me. But do I have a right to be disappointed and upset? I that my failing? But hey, their loss lol. I can say that because they're not reading this!
 I try to be a good friend - please don't queue to let me know how I've disappointed you. I'm sure I can be a shit sometimes - no one is perfect.
I have sisters who would do anything for me (do they count as friends?). Great neighbours, great colleagues, great children (now they are grown can I include them?) 400+ Facebook friends ha ha ha
In conclusion I cherish friendships and I try not to take you for granted. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes and if I've ever hurt you I'm so sorry. You're important to me and  I'll do my best to keep in touch if we drift. I can't promise I'll remember your birthday but that's just old age. If you need anything I'm here. I can listen and I can advise but if you don't need that I'll just care.

Good friends don't let you do stupid things.... Alone!

Dedicated to my very bestest friend - my husband xx

Uh-oh!

So on return from holiday I hopped on the scales - and quickly hopped off! I was (yet again) 15 stones!! Bloody hell! WTF?! I could have kicked the cat (this is a lie - I would NEVER do that!) But honestly? Why?? Oh yeah...I know why.... Bloody cocktails, fine eating and lying around in the sun. Now I can tell I've lost you at this point and you're not feeling sorry for me! But I'm feeling sorry for myself. I really shouldn't be that heavy! But there is nothing new there. At least I'm not 16 stones I guess? Anyway.... Drum roll.... I'm only (I use that word loosely) 14 stones 10 pounds today!

So my baby (no, not my children, my lovely dog! My kids believe I love the dog more than them which is obviously not true. Even though she leaves her toys all over the house she's not as messy as they used to be. She loves me unconditionally and never says 'Eugh get off!' when I cuddle her. She only demands food twice a day and never complains about what I give her! She's polite and patient and never answers me back. But of course I don't love her more than the kids). Anyway, she's just started having seizures. It's so awful for her and really scary for us. Vet not sure if it's epilepsy or a side effect to her Prozac. We just need to monitor her and see what happens. Fingers crossed she's ok.

And me? Well I have a sore back. I was tubing (just in case you don't know - this is sitting in a big rubber doughnut in the sea, being pulled by a speed boat, holding on for dear life and in my case screaming very loudly) and I was flung out! (No! I don't have a video). My back wasn't sore at the time but it was the next day! Might be a coincidence or might be the flinging (or the sunbathing on my tummy) who knows. But it's sore.

I'm telling you all this so you understand why I can't lose weight under these circumstances! Just so much stress. Who the hell wouldn't be reaching for the biscuit tin?? Yes you are supposed to be feeling sorry for me! Has it worked? Good lol

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it just pee on it and walk away!