#moreconfusion

So I was sitting in a well known department store having my free coffee and cake (thank you Mr Lewis) all on my tod, thinking - as you do. As you may know my previous job was helping people with cancer, and my new job is helping people with cancer. And I was thinking that, God forbid, I was diagnosed with a terminal illness and given say 6 - 12 months to live, would I suddenly pull up my socks and get stuck into a diet to lose my excess weight before I died? Would I hell! I'd be saying pass me that cream cake! So what does that tell you? Of course on the other side of the coin, when I don't have a life limiting disease I definitely should lose weight as this will assist in my longevity! I hope I live another 30-50 years, so what's 2 years dieting if it makes me healthier?

I went shopping this week with my daughter. In M&S I got a pair of trousers for work for £3.69 (from £35) and a bonny skirt which was £2.69. The skirt is currently too small, but hey, it was cheaper than a latte. And (like all of my clothes) I'm sure it'll fit me at some point in the future, if only temporarily!!

So, yes, my dear readers, I will be back on plan - starting with the 5-2, then moving to the Fast 800 - and I will lose weight. Now, how I keep said weight off remains to be seen. But let's not be glum just yet. I will have a solution by the end, if it kills me.

I made a huge to do list today. I just can't work out who's going to do it.

#confused

Oh man. I am seriously confused and not sure what to do. This week on TV I've seen **Scarlett Moffat, Josie Gibson and Vanessa Feltz. So what? You may ask. Well all of these semi celebrities have one thing in common. They were fat, lost weight, gained weight! I really don't want to be that person yet again. I have been there and refuse to be there again. I don't know the solution. There is no magic wand. But how can I make sure that if I lose weight, I lose it for good? I am literally terrified! I'm not saying I want to stay fat, but I do need a fool - proof plan (answers on a postcard). I spoke to my hubby. He's told me to forget my weight and just try to get fit. He worries about me, that I'm puffed out just climbing the stairs. And I do get what he's saying. I just think it's going to be hard getting fit when I'm 5 stones over my ideal. If I lost the weight I'm sure I'd gallop up the stairs naturally anyhow. So you need to leave this with me. I shall think very hard about it. Then hopefully have a plan.

So I've got a gorgeous new silk nightdress. Now you may think that this is for sleeping in, but you'd be wrong! It's for me to float about in, like a goddess, thinking I'm the bees knees. If it's cold I can add my velvet robe. I feel sexy and amazing (as long as I don't catch a glimpse in the mirror of course). I did take a selfie to post this week, but I decided you didn't need to see that! Of course I only swan about in silk occasionally. Normally I'm wearing my furry onesie (hooded with ears). I like to surprise my husband. He doesn't know what he's coming home to - a movie star, or a teletubby!

Four things you can't get back -
The stone after its thrown
The word after its said
The occasion after its missed
The time after its gone.

** Scarlett Moffat - from Goggle box and I'm a celebrity
Josie Gibson - Big Brother
Vanessa Feltz - talk show host and radio presenter

Diet?

So, what's happened to my diet? Well I have been mostly behaving though I have not gone back to my plan yet. I'm still feeling pretty crook and I've no energy at all. I still have Christmas chocolates, which I'm not stuffing down but I am enjoying eating when I fancy it. Now, I dare say, you, my lovely reader, is now thinking I'm just making excuses. I don't deny that there is some of that going on. But unfortunately your thoughts or encouragement don't actually help me. I think it is a universal truth that you not only have to want to lose weight but you also need to be ready. And I'm obviously not ready! I can't do it for you, it can only be for me. I rejoice for those that woke up on 1st January and just got down to it. Not me, never was and never will be. All I can say is that when I eventually feel the time is right I will get to it, fully and properly. But not this week, alas. Wouldn't it be wonderful if just really wanting something made it happen? But life isn't like that. Otherwise we'd all be skinny, rich and happy!!

I've created a new sport, and I'm ready for the next Olympics - sleeping! At the moment I am sleeping for Britain! It is a real genuine skill. I love checking my fitbit app every morning for details. (pretty much the only thing I use my fitbit for to be honest). The screen shot above is my best yet. Nearly 12 whole hours!! This was the night of 1st Jan, after my wee allergic reaction but it's still mighty impressive. I usually get to sleep pretty quickly but on those nights that I'm just tossing and turning I have some fail safe methods to help. I thought I might share them with you.

1. I count down from 100 in 3's (100, 97, 94 etc). Though I admit that this is very easy for me now as I've done it so often.

2. Recite the alphabet backwards. This is fun.

3. Scrunch my toes then relax, tense my knees then relax, and work all the way up my body. By the time I reach my face I'm usually asleep.

4. Go into another bed. All the experts say not to stay in bed but to get up and do something, but I hate that as I know I'll never fall asleep washing the dishes but if I'm in bed I might drop off, and I want to sleep just as soon as I can. But another bed does the trick because I'm leaving my bed that is causing the problem (well it's not the actual bed stopping me from sleeping, but you know what I mean).

5. Turn round in bed and lie with your head where your feet usually are and feet where your head goes! This may seem daft but it works for me (and my sister).

6. Have sex. (Not always possible I know) It never works for me but at least I'm then not the only one awake ha ha ha.

Never go to sleep on an argument. Stay up and fight!

You couldn't make it up

Finally, at last, after patiently waiting, my first day at my new job arrived yesterday! But my goodness, what a journey it took. By Saturday afternoon I was feeling crook! A fever, aching all over, a beast of a cough. Not ideal as I had so much I wanted to do before starting work e.g. Sort out working attire, thinking about packed lunch - soup or sandwich? Did they have a microwave? Did they have spoons? Was everyone on a diet? Could I eat chocolate? I also wanted to sort my house out and make sure it was spotless. I wanted to make sure I had my notebook, diary, P45 etc. Sunday and Monday were written off. I felt like death warmed up and did nothing at all! I'm starting to worry that I'll still be ill come Thursday!! Imagine lol. Tuesday I went to the hairdressers. At least my hair would be lush even if I looked like a corpse. Half way through I'm hair dye my nose started to bleed. Like a lot!! The girls in the salon gave up on tissue and gave me a towel instead. It poured! Some debate and googling of head back vs head forward. Pinch nose at the top vs pinch nose at bottom! Eventually it stopped, after about 30 mins!! I survived! My front tooth crown started to wobble. Been having trouble with it for ages and my dentist not managing a permanent fix. It is so going to call out and leave an unsightly gap in my front teeth!! Argh!! Wednesday drove son back to Inverness. I didn't sleep well at all. Partly because I was still barking like a dog, and partly because I was probably nervous/excited! My alarm going off on Thursday morning was not welcome! And then I discovered we had a power cut!! It was cold, dark with no hot water!! I had to have cereal for breakfast instead of porridge. I got dressed to the light of my mobile torch. I managed to put eye cream all over my face thinking it was serum. It was also zero degrees so I had to de-ice the car!! And if all that wasn't enough.....drum roll please.....(I'm sure you can guess). I had PMT too!!!

Anyway. First day was good. Everyone lovely. Lots to learn but I'm sure I'll love it!

My diet? I have thought about it, I can't lie. But thought is about all I've done. What with all the above happening my diet was just not a priority. But I didn't start my plan in 2019 until February anyway and I did ok. So I think let's just concentrate on the job and finishing all my Christmas chocolates!

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind.

Another year to excel!

Happy New Year to all my loyal readers. Here's wishing you all that you need in 2020! I think wishing you all that you want this new decade is pushing it! I'm sure that some of you want sports cars, long holidays, size 10 figures, wealth beyond your wildest dreams? Whereas getting what you need would be good enough? Though it's harder to pinpoint our needs against our wants. We all know what we want, what ever that maybe, but what do we need??

I need to lose weight - at least 2 stones, I want to lose about 5 stones. I need a job and to earn some income, I want to love said job. I need new shoes suitable for work, I want a pair of high heeled pink and diamond sandals from Jimmy Choo. I need a shower but I want a hot tub lol.

Hogmanay was quiet but perfect. Sister came up with mum and niece. We had food, cocktails and watched movies! We even managed to stay up until midnight - this is rare for me!

New year's day was a slightly different matter! We all went to my in-laws for a feast. Unfortunately I had one of my allergic reactions! And, much to everyone's annoyance, I didn't have my epi-pens! Yes, they have all told me off! But, after throwing up violently on the journey home (my mother in law supplied me with a bag (bag for life ha ha)) I was right as rain. Apparently I looked delightful with a swollen face. I'm thinking Shrek but I doubt it was that bad.

Day 3 in the Big Brother house and I'm still saying my mantra! A reminder is stuck to the bathroom mirror (see pic). I have to report that nothing amazing has happened...yet.

Not quite started my diet (read not at all). Still too much food to be eaten. Give me a week and I'll be grand and back to plan. Fingers crossed.

I hate it when I gain 10lbs for a role, then realise I'm not an actress!!