Lockdown differences

I've lost 1lb this week. I'm happy with that. My total is now 12lbs. That first stone is looming.

So the other day I made a coffee to drink in the sun. I put it down on the grass whilst I got the cushion for the swing seat. I sat down to drink my coffee when I noticed a weird lump in my drink. It didn't seem right so I just threw the whole thing onto the grass. And that (see pic) is what came out of my mug. A bloody frog! Dead as dead can be! I've no idea how it got in. Did it jump then drown (can frogs drown?), did it boil (coffee wasn't that hot), or did it die in the cushion and fall out when I put it on the swing seat?? I've no idea, I don't care. I drank out of that mug with a dead frog swimming about. Yuk yuk yuk! 🤢

The things that I've noticed are different in lockdown -

1. I'm lying in. I'm not normally very good at this skill but I'm sleeping longer and longer, sometimes until 9am or more. This is epic for me.

2. I've more time to look after myself. Moisturising, exfoliating, epilating, sunbathing, face masking, eye creaming.

3. I can't get a bikini wax. My lady garden is desperate for a jolly good weeding, cut back and trim.

4. I'm not wearing a bra. Well I am sometimes, obviously! My boobs are not as they were when I was 20! But more and more I'm leaving it in the drawer. So comfy without it. Liberating and very 1960s.

5. As my bathroom is out of action, being very slowly decorated, I'm showering in the evening instead of having a bath. And I like it. Sometimes the evening and shower is as early as 2pm but that's ok. And then I put on my silk nightie and cashmere cardigan, and feel lush! 

6. I'm forgetting how to hug. This is a biggy for me as I'm a proper hugger. It's so weird not seeing people and so strange not to hug them when I do! 

7. I'm shopping is Asda. This is mostly because they have self scan which is super great and easy and quick. Tesco also has self scan but my nearest store is 17 miles away. Morrisons is local but more chaotic. Sainsbury's is 35 miles away. So Asda it is, and it's okay! I even know my way round lol.

8. I'm grocery shopping for sometimes 4 households. This needs more skill than you can imagine. And I'm getting pretty good at it, even if I do say so myself! 

The mind replays what the heart can't delete.

Difficult

I've had a very tough week, for one reason or another. But I've had amazing support from friends and family, and lots of lovely messages - thank you to you all! I'm so incredibly lucky to have you xx

I've lost 2lb this week! I love crossing the numbers off my chart. I'm so sorry you have to turn you head to look at it, but I don't know how to rotate it! That's a total of 11lb. 5% of my body weight and almost my first stone.

I have tried to keep busy. Very busy drinking tea and eating toast lol. But seriously, I have started painting my bathroom. Who knew it was so exhausting? I must be so unfit. I was sweating so profusely, it was dripping into the paint! I was worried it would water it down. I'm not stretching myself too much. It's only taken me 3 weeks so far. Well, I don't want to over do it. Plenty more weeks waiting for me.

I have noticed some unexpected benefits of lock down. I've had time to audit my underwear. The ratios of bras to knickers isn't good. I have one white bra and 16 white pairs of knickers. Obviously this is wrong. I have a lovely navy and pink bra with no matching pants. Have I lost them, is that even a thing? How do you lose a pair of knickers? So what do I do? Bin the bra or wear odd pants? This is heinous. Odd underwear should be illegal, but until it is I shall continue to wear white knickers with pink and navy bras! (Although I feel I must confess - often there is no bra worn at all. Like in the sixties, solves the problem, I can wear white knickers without the guilt 😂😂)

So I have written a poem. 3am not sleeping, and the words just come. I do hope you like it.

I'll never see your smile

Or your happy face

Now that you have left

Never to be replaced

Not known you for that long

But it feels like forever

It's hard to take in

I shall not see you, ever

We swapped a lot of jokes

And the stories of our life

That it's now all gone

It cuts me like a knife

You were so very kind

I'll keep your words in a jar

For you always said

You are lovely just as you are

I'll miss what we have shared

And things not yet spoken

To leave the party early

My heart forever broken

I hope you are happy

Wherever that you are

And I need you to know

That I will always care

Don't tell someone to get over it, help them to get through it.

Sadness

My friend died this week, and my heart is devastated. I spoke to him on Friday and he died on Sunday and I'm in such shock. As yet I don't know what happened but I trust he's in peace.  He bought me this set of champagne coupés for my birthday last year. I love them but now I shall treasure them all the more. Of course we mourn for the person who has died but ultimately it's the family and friends left behind who we are really sad for. He read this blog every week and often called me to discuss. He's on the what's app group and I need to remove him but I can't. Regardless of whether I had lost weight or not be always told me that I was lovely just the way I am. 💕

It has made me reflect on heartbreak. The heart feels the pain and can't differentiate from the cause. When a boy dumped me my heart broke. My 17 year old self loved him (as you do as a teenager) and I thought I'd never recover, but you do. I had no control of it and just had to get on with my life, eventually forgetting the pain and the boy pretty much. A few years later it was me doing the dumping and yet it still hurt. My fixed heart was broken again. Somehow this was harder because it was my doing and I daresay I could have changed my mind. But although I was sad it was something I had to do because his behaviour made me sad too. 

Unfortunately you can't live a life without being touched by death. My grandparents, some years ago, but they lived to be old and my friend was only 44 years old. Not that it makes a difference really, but somehow it does a little. And of course people mourn all sorts of things not just people, and pets, but jobs and houses and I suppose anything that you have loved and lost.

I hope you are all well and I've not depressed you too much this week. Thank you for reading. Take care and stay safe xxx

The song has ended but the melody plays on.

Another week locked down

I've lost another pound. That's now 9lbs. More than 10% of my target loss. It's working, only just, but it's working.

Now this is what happens when you read the newspaper whilst sunbathing! It didn't even wash off very easily! 

So this week I enrolled (free trial) to The Great Courses Plus. I saw one about writing that I thought would be interesting. On Thursday I logged on to start it, but instead I got side tracked with a different course - Body composition through diet and exercise! It's so good. Time just flies. Lots of info about fat and muscle. I've only watched 2 chapters (there is 24) but it's fascinating. I think I kinda knew the stuff anyway but he explains it all properly. Can't wait to get to the diet and exercise bits. I'll keep you posted on anything I learn.

I need to confess. On the first day that we were allowed to meet other people, outside but social distant, we popped to our neighbours, with wine, to sit in the sun in their garden. I got drunk! Yes, ashamed but also lost a pound as I missed my supper! I was in bed by 5pm. I don't remember going to bed, or falling out, or talking to my mum on the phone! But luckily it's not a frequent event so feel no need to apologise. Good fun was had, so I've been told.

For some people you are 'too much' and others 'not enough', but for those that deserve you you are just right.