Sadness

My friend died this week, and my heart is devastated. I spoke to him on Friday and he died on Sunday and I'm in such shock. As yet I don't know what happened but I trust he's in peace.  He bought me this set of champagne coupés for my birthday last year. I love them but now I shall treasure them all the more. Of course we mourn for the person who has died but ultimately it's the family and friends left behind who we are really sad for. He read this blog every week and often called me to discuss. He's on the what's app group and I need to remove him but I can't. Regardless of whether I had lost weight or not be always told me that I was lovely just the way I am. 💕

It has made me reflect on heartbreak. The heart feels the pain and can't differentiate from the cause. When a boy dumped me my heart broke. My 17 year old self loved him (as you do as a teenager) and I thought I'd never recover, but you do. I had no control of it and just had to get on with my life, eventually forgetting the pain and the boy pretty much. A few years later it was me doing the dumping and yet it still hurt. My fixed heart was broken again. Somehow this was harder because it was my doing and I daresay I could have changed my mind. But although I was sad it was something I had to do because his behaviour made me sad too. 

Unfortunately you can't live a life without being touched by death. My grandparents, some years ago, but they lived to be old and my friend was only 44 years old. Not that it makes a difference really, but somehow it does a little. And of course people mourn all sorts of things not just people, and pets, but jobs and houses and I suppose anything that you have loved and lost.

I hope you are all well and I've not depressed you too much this week. Thank you for reading. Take care and stay safe xxx

The song has ended but the melody plays on.