Not the week I expected

 

Mark and I had a break at the Hideaways this week, from Sunday. I checked last year's calendar and it was the exact week we were there in 2024. The calendar also confirmed that I was indeed away every single month. At the risk of boasting it looked like this -

Jan - Hideaway

Feb - skiing in France

March - another week skiing in France and House of Gods Edinburgh

April - Antigua 

May - House of Gods Glasgow and free night at Hideaway

June - Pittodrie House and the Riga ball in Coventry

July - stay at sisters, then mums then Swinton estates tree house

August -  Hideaway (yes, again) 

September - Grenada

October - Ragdale Hall

November - Fuerturventura and Dundee

December - London, sisters house, Northumberland, Ardoe House then Newcastle for Christmas.

Goodness what a year. Not exactly planned, just seemed to be one thing after another. Had just a great year. I'm very blessed. I have an excuse for them all. 

So, this week? Well the photo above, it was actually snowing though you can't see it. Unfortunately, I didn't take my meds before we left and then forgot to take them with me. By Tuesday my depression was evident. Just starts with feeling low. I develop a super short trigger to tears if I see, read or think something sad. But by Wednesday I was pretty unwell. The intrusive thoughts, the sobbing and distress. I tried to balance the bad feelings with looking at the good. Sitting in the hot tub with a glass of prosecco, walking Bella in the woods where there was a thick, crunchy layer of snow and with beautiful blue skies, lying in the hammock snuggled on the living room rug (warm from the under floor heating) and under my cosy fur blanket reading my book, and surprisingly eating maltesers (had Christmas ones. Not eaten maltesers for years but absolutely loved these). It was a shock how quickly it came on and to what extent. A reminder how much I still need to take the antidepressants and how well they actually work. They are miracle drugs that keep me feeling normal. I hope I never need to go without them for that long again. I was climbing the wall and was scared to go to bed Wednesday night as I knew I wouldn't sleep. The thoughts and paranoia are very debilitating. But I'm home, had my dose yesterday and one this morning. I started to feel better quickly. By last night I was much improved. I'm not sharing this for any words of condolences. I'm just being honest about my week and I guess I write my blog for this very reason. I'm sure some of my weeks are super boring. But always the truth. Though one of my friends thought I made up the funny bits to make people laugh! No, funny or sad it's just me. 

Have a great week. Don't worry about me. Concentrate on yourself. And I'll speak to you next week. 

You can't add days to your life, but you can add life to your days.