Don't feed the gremlins

So I decided to go back to basics - that's pictures of me in my knickers! This is it. This is me. All of me. This is why I'm desperate to lose weight. Though you have to admit it's not that bad? It could be so much worse, I'm sure it could. Better not get worse for me though. Today it stops!!

Weight today : 15st 2lb

So lost 5lb this week. Not sure it counts when it's holiday pounds because I'm sure they are not real pounds. Temporary cocktail pounds ha ha ha. Anyway pretty much back to normal (my weight that is. Nothing normal about me).




Well at least one person wasn't impressed with my holiday weight gain - I got told off. And no, it wasn't my husband! Oh man he tells me off all the time. Like water off a ducks back. He says I'm the naughtiest of the kids... And it's probably true. I am really naughty (and not in a good way, so he says). No I got told off by my mum. I'm 48 years old and my mum told me off. And you know what? It was that kind when it's "I'm not angry I'm just disappointed". It's the worst. Who wants to disappoint their mum?? So mum this weight loss is for you.

I do feel a bit obsessed with my weight. A few weeks ago a friend pointed out that it was even on my car registration! I got a private reg for my 40th, which is W8 GBW - my initials. But it's almost a palindrome W8GBW or WBG8W. You see? Clever? So anyway. W8 ha ha ha. Obsessed.

I think I'm ready to go back to slimming world. I've been told (daughter) that I must be a size 14 by Christmas. That's a big ask but I've so got to start. Has no one developed the magic slimming pill yet? I'm so lazy. The thought of losing at least 5 stones makes my blood run cold. Sometimes the thought is so scary it makes me eat! Mainly chocolate. Mostly Fry's chocolate creme. Or Crunchies. Or both!

I've put a note on the white board at work. 'Don't feed the gremlins, we're trying to lose weight'. So far so good. Not a cookie or doughnut in sight lol.

My favourite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch. 

The usual half

You will all be glad to hear I've put on my usual half a stone holiday/cocktail weight. I do like to be consistent!

I had a great holiday! Lots of good food and drink (obvs) and fabulous weather. Holiday makers in all shapes and sizes, swanning around in very little clothing, including myself in a teeny tiny bikini (oh yes I do!). Some girls with amazing figures, but I no longer aspire to have a body the same because I'm a realist. Now I can hear some of you shouting at me about not having high hopes or whatever but let me clarify... These amazing figures belonged to the young. The newly weds. The ones under 30 years old! I honestly believe that at my age all I can really desire is looking half decent. I know older people who are slim but they still have the stretch marks/flabby tummy/non pert boobs! Leave the pert boobs to the young. I want the figure I had 5 years ago when I thought I was fat and wanted to lose 2 stones. I'm terrified that in another 5 years I'll be desiring the figure I have now!

Which makes me ask - did any of the really big women on holiday look at me and desire my body. No probably not. They were looking at the newly weds longing for their figures! I just want to look in the mirror and not feel sick.

Don't stumble over something behind you!

Glorious Grenada

Another holiday.... Another chance to put on half a stone 😉. Don't worry I don't say this like it's a challenge! In fact the challenge is going on holiday and not putting on half a stone (don't hold your breath it will never happen).

The day before our flight I decided I needed new dresses. So I popped into town, 2 shops later, 4 sale dresses in the bag! Just like that. Took me ten minutes. Straight to the sale rack, grabbed the size 18s (didn't bother with the let's try squeezing into a size 16 because this time next year I'll be thinner routine). And they all fit and are nice. (Three pictured above). But like part of me is thinking I don't want to lose weight cos then these pretty dresses won't fit me. It's a lame excuse I know but it's a real thought in my head. Obviously in my head I looked better than in these pictures... Which brings me nicely to today...

At lunch I was watching this fat girl on the beach and I asked hubby if I looked her size. He replied that I didn't quite. I thought because she was fatter - but no! It's me that looks fatter! I was gutted. I just don't see myself like that. I mean I know I'm fat Yadda Yadda but like that fat!!? It's the whole shock of seeing a photo and gasping! But this was real life. I didn't like it!

I asked him to help me (hubby) and he said something rather profound. He said he couldn't, that only one person could help me and she didn't like me. Oh my God. Is that true? but I have to say it must be. I mean if anyone else told me they needed my help because they were at risk of a heart attack or diabetes or something I'd just help them. If it was one of my children I'd do anything I possibly could and yet I can't help myself! This is crazy and mental and rather upsetting. But I'm on holiday so can't dwell now! But I will have a stern conversation with her when I get back.

I hate people swapping my chocolate wrappers around. I get my Snickers in a right twix. 

Disclaimer: joke provided by friend on Facebook - sorry if you read it the other day. Thank you friend, I thought it was funny! 

Twisted knickers

Weight today : 15st
Weight last time I looked : 15st

Ha ha no difference between weeks that I'm 'good' and weeks that I eat what I want! I think there's something wrong somewhere 😉

If I were to bend over to touch my toes I'd reach my ankles. If I wanted to do the yoga 'tree' pose I'd get my foot to my knee. Now to do these actions together I'm not so successful. I think my belly fat gets in the way! Body over, leg up, too much fat and I can't just push it out the way. You might be asking why I need to contort in this way... To get my knickers on of course! Sometimes I put them on the floor, step into them and use a foot to shuggle them up my leg. Sometimes I hold on to something and kind of swing my knickers in one hand them quickly 'foot up, foot in, done!'. But mostly I just hold my underwear and try to lift my leg and put my foot in. I end up hopping around the room like some kind of rain dance. My hubby dashes over to help as he's worried I fall and hurt myself. Oh no, I'm sorry, I must be thinking of someone else's husband. My mistake. My husband just watches and laughs!!

Last couple of weeks my diet has not been great. I can't even kid myself that it's been healthy. It hasn't... At all.... But I've loved it. I've just enjoyed eating and drinking. Food is yummy! And my weight hasn't suffered too bad, not caused any damage so can't complain! But I know I can't continue so I will get back to plan. Which plan? God knows!! But I'll pick one... For a bit!

Missed exercise class on Monday. Nephew's birthday party. I was too busy eating cake and spring rolls. But I've redeemed myself and went Thursday night instead! It was hard and I struggled more than last week but at least I can walk today! Yay all good.

This week my 16 year old son taught me a word. Esoteric! e.g. The quiz about brain surgery was esoteric.

Esoteric - adjective - intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialised knowledge or interest.

Snaccident - eating a whole pizza or family size bag of crisps by mistake!