Professional

 I was in Aberdeen early one morning so thought I'd treat myself to breakfast at M&S. They had no decaf coffee so I had to have hot chocolate and the croissant had to go back as it was raw in the middle - at least this saved me some calories.


Weight today : 15st 1½lbs
Weight loss : ½lb


So I'm thinking of quitting work and becoming a full time professional slimmer. In my head the job description is a little like this....

Up at 6am every morning. Firstly take the dog for a nice long walk. Then take a mug of hot water and lemon into the garden, followed my 30 mins of yoga. I would do squats when I brush my teeth! After a healthy breakfast of natural yogurt and berries I would go to a spinning class, then 1½ hours at the gym then a swim and sauna to relax. At home I would tuck into a lovely slimming salad with chicken and olives. Next I'd put on my posh Hunter wellies, smart Tweed coat and leather gloves to take my dog for a walk around the park/forest. I'd quickly change and set off to meet a friend for a green tea. Once home I'd do my housework and I'd lunge when doing the hoovering and I'd stretch while washing the windows. After a healthy supper of salmon with roast vegetables I'd boogie to some great tunes in the kitchen. I'd be in bed by 9am ready to read a good educational book and fall asleep for my 8½ hours of deep sleep.

Now!? What's wrong with this picture? Well I would probably sleep until 8am then drag myself out of bed and take the dog for a quick pee whilst still in my PJs. It would be pouring with rain so I wouldn't go out and I'd do 5 mins of yoga as I wouldn't remember all the moves. I've been trying to do my pelvic floor exercises when brushing my teeth and I think I've managed once in 6 months so I'd never do lunges. I hate olives, Hunter wellies don't fit over my fat carves, I'd look naff in a Tweed coat and I get too hot walking to wear gloves. I'd meet a friend and have a large latte and big bit of cake. I don't like housework and I leave the hoovering to hubby whenever I can. I'd have chips with the supper and a large glass of wine. I'd plonk in front of the TV then drag myself to bed to read a silly chick lit novel.

Also the pay is nil, I have no relevant qualifications or good past experience but it pays huge dividends when I get skinny and fit into my size 12s. Hummm.....

I'm not losing weight..I don't ever want to find it again!

I'd just like to add that all week I've been losing weight. Yesterday I was 2lbs lighter. Last night we went out for burger, fries and milkshake BAM! weight lose gone! 😥