Poo

Now if you're of a delicate disposition I don't suggest you read this while eating.

If you think shit is a swear word you might want to stop now.

I think it's time we talked about poo (faeces, crap, stools etc). Now I think some of you would say that I'm always talking crap anyway but hey ho! You might be wondering what poop has to do with my blog but you must all remember Gillian McKeith! Your poo says an awful lot about your diet! A healthy diet would produce type 3 or 4 poo. I'd say I'm more a 5. Hubby says I poo rabbit droppings. What will happen when I'm eating rabbit food then? Will I poo mouse droppings? To get a 3 or 4 you need to eat good food with plenty of fibre (who's old enough to remember it being roughage??) And plenty liquid. I'm not a great drinker (wine yes, water no). Sometimes I do have a sausage and I must say I get very excited! So much so I tell hubby exactly what I've done. I offer to show him - but he declines! A number 4 makes you feel lighter, it's a great feeling. Sometimes I pass a malteser which is unpleasant and quite frankly I don't understand how your colon can make something that gets stuck at the end of the journey! Why does it do that??

As you all probably know I always put weight on when on holiday (usually half a stone). This holiday I was trying to keep things within reason. My jeans still zipped when I dressed to come home! I believed that a miracle had happened and the usual gain had not taken place. Morning after I got home I stepped on the scales... And you'll never guess?.... I'd put on half a stone! So that was me 15st 6lbs! A new Gilly record! I can't even try to tell you how I felt. Not especially surprised but gutted that I'd hit a new high! What the hell is wrong with me? It must and will come to an end!

Count down to balloon...18 days!

If pooping is a call of nature, does farting mean a missed call?