Fat day, and days

This is my hair, and I love it! Just back from the hairdressers. It may sound conceited but there is not much physically I like so I feel entitled to say I love my hair. Of course it only looks like this after a blow dry. I resist washing it myself for as long as I can because, quite frankly, it then turns into a horrible frizzy mess and I really don't like it.

So why am I talking about my hair? Well (hand on heart, no word of a lie) it hinders my exercise attempts. When my hair looks this gorgeous I don't want to tie it up, get it wet (water or sweat) or generally interfere with it. My hair looks good about half of the time and like a birds nest the other half. I will only exercise when it's a birds nest! You may laugh but it's true. And it's an issue.

You know when you have a fat day? Well I've had a fat week. In order to obtain the hair style (as above) I have to sit in the stylists chair, facing a big mirror, looking at my reflection for over 2 hours. It's not a joy. All I can see is my pasty balloon face with pin eyes. Also, I tried on a skirt I wore just a few months ago and it was too tight. My hubby and I were hoping to go on a skiing holiday in a week or so but I chickened out. No really because it's been 3 years since I pushed myself off a snowy mountain but because I'm heavier than ever and completely unfit. Like incredibly unfit. Not that I'm ever fit but there's unfit and I can't climb up my stairs without puffing unfit. There was a real risk that I'd ski half way down the slope and not manage the rest of the way. Hubby having to roll me down like a giant snowball. And I'm ashamed to say, I even had a binge day this week! 😢

Mind you, all these home truths are slowly but surely dragging me to the day that I have no alternative than to bloody diet! I'm trying to hang on to my unhealthy ways but I know D day is coming!

I've been thinking of my MAPPED.

MOTIVATION - I'm unhappy being over weight and it's making me miserable, there is a high risk of illness and diseases - heart attack, stroke, cancer. Do I even need more than this to motivate me? But there is more - I already have high blood pressure, and snore really loudly, and suspect I have sleep apnoea.

AMBITION - realistically I want to lose 2-3 stones but my real ambition is 5 stones.

PLAN - in a nutshell - start walking further and exercise when I can. To start with one fast day, then 2 fast days, then ensure the non fast days are healthy, then move to the Fast 800 plan. I have a schedule the 3 weeks to get to Fast 800. To always think of my motivations and desires. To weigh myself every morning - this one is the most important plan!

PREPARE - hum, I have been on the scales to get my current weight (15st 3lbs). I've eaten all the chocolate from Christmas, I need to do a healthy food shop but I still need to think about I need to buy.

ENERGY - I have none of this but hopefully the longer dog walks will help and I need to return to the gym, play badminton, and dance in my kitchen like no one is watching (actually no one is watching - bonus)

DESIRE - this one is easy. To wear size 12, to not snore, to be healthy, to not have a balloon face, for my wedding ring to fit, to just look and feel much much better than I do.

If you only remember one thing, make it this - Life is short and this is it!

All in my head

I am fed up! I can't find the zipper on my fat suit so it's stuck, and I can't get it off! I'm fed up of my flabby belly - it's disgusting. I'm fed up of my big arse - it's huge! And my balloon face looks like I've been stung by a bee! Of course this is all my doing, I can blame no one else. But instead of going on a diet and exercising I want to comfort myself, lie on the sofa under a fluffy blanket with hot chocolate and ice cream. How do I get out of this funk? What's the solution? I'm on a Merry-go-round. I'm fat and fed up so I eat and sleep which then makes me fatter and lazier, and round and round we go. I do believe there must be a simple solution, but I've not exactly found it - though sometimes I've got close. The non believers out there just think you eat less and get off your bum and move. And they're not wrong, it's just not quite right either. There is an important element missing - MAPPED!! (yes I just made this up lol)

MOTIVATION - where there's no will there's no way!
AMBITION - aim high i.e. don't do half targets
PLAN - decide how, when, where
PREPARE - failure to prepare is preparing to fail
ENERGY - energetic functions creates more energy. Fake it to make it.
DESIRE - why do I want to lose weight? D'oh obvious!!

This is going to give me something to focus on. I'll put my all in this week and get back to you about my MAPPED!

Look what the practice nurse did to me! She took my blood and left a nasty bruise! But hopefully the results will be all good, So worth the stabbing.

A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. 

Oxymoron

After watching a programme on TV Wednesday it reminded me that I have recently been considering trying to be a life drawing model. Is this because I think I'm gorgeous? - definitely not! Is this because I want strangers to see me naked? - definitely not! Is it because I think I have a naked body that should be uncovered? - most definitely not! So why? Partly because I've always enjoyed drawing but mainly as I think it will be liberating. I'm not particularly shy when it comes to how I look in the buff and I always wear a bikini on the beach and strut around without a care in the world and yet...I actually think my body is pretty unattractive. I don't think that anyone would take pleasure from seeing me in my birthday suit. I think my curves and lumps & bumps makes it interesting for the person with a pencil in their hand but why am I even contemplating this? And would I actually be brave enough to do it? I don't even think you get paid much. I find this particular thought of mine to be very strange and contradictory. Is it my age?

When I was in Edinburgh the other week we went to a comedy club. Now I do fancy myself as being a little bit of a comedian. I try to humour you in my blog - most of the time. Successfully? You tell me lol. I was fascinated by how these people stood up on stage and made us laugh - some very well. Of course they are amateurs, and the nerves were palatable, and they all had reminders of their act written down (on their hand, on wee notes, on big notes - they don't just make it up on the spot). So I did what Gilly does (no!! I didn't get up on stage) and that's to start writing my act in my head. (I write my poems like this. And you won't believe how many novels are in there too). I decided to share it with you...

I'm very nervous. I've never stood in front of strangers on a stage and tried to make them laugh. In fact I've never even stood in front of my family and tried to make them laugh. Although, if I stand naked in front of my husband he always laughs!

Boom boom!! Nah, a comedian is maybe pushing it.

My diet? Yes I've thought about it lots and lots!

If you want to lift yourself up, lift someone else up.

Is it just me?

So this week I'm starting with a little anecdote. On the train to Edinburgh, to meet hubby, sister and bro-in-law, the trolley man offered me biscuits or Love Corn. Love Corn? Trolley man recommended these - sweet corn kernels that are roasted and become hollow and crunchy. They are salted, a bit like nuts. And they were indeed delicious. So when trolley man returned I asked if he had more Love Nuts! The other passengers laughed, I blushed, and trolley man said I'd made his day. He thought my faux pas was hilarious!!

Please please please can someone tell me they do this too? I know my family think I'm crazy. So we were buying sarnies for the train journey home, in the meal deal section. Chicken salad sandwich, lovely. But then I noticed they did triple sandwich packs also in the meal deal! Bargain. There was one chicken salad - yum, one prawn - yeah prawns are ok, and a BLT - not that keen on bacon especially cold bacon. But I bought it anyway because it was better value. Instead of paying the same price for the two chicken salads I would have really enjoyed. Am I actually crazy? Someone must do this too?!

Also this week I went to Aberdeen's Art Gallery with my daughter. It was open one evening for an event - live music, DJs, games & activities, silent disco and a bar (see cocktail in pic). It was weird and interesting and a bit different. We did some origami, played a gallery pictures find the pair & Guess Who and looked at the great art too. Very grown up!

So technically I haven't actually started my eating plan/diet. My excuses this week? Weekend in Edinburgh, husbands birthday - lunch out and birthday cake etc. But I am very excited to get stuck in and to begin the weight loss process. This is a big improvement anyway. Don't worry, I'm getting there, slowly lol.

Life is a soup and I'm a fork.