2025

 

Can you believe it's a quarter century since we had the millennium? When we thought the world would stop - well, the computers at least. Wow feels like yesterday, for an oldie like me anyway! 

My first Christmas (the one we just had) was lovely. Good food and being with family. Next week (new years day) is when I'll be having Christmas #2, with Mark and the kids. Stockings from Santa, gifts from under the tree and turkey with crackers! I can't wait. 

I forgot to tell you all that I didn't put on a single pound when I went to Fuerturventura. I mean, it was a miracle that I had never, ever experienced before. I then proceeded to lose about 4lb! - just organically, not because I tried to. A few people down here noticed too which was nice. I'm expecting a small gain after this Christmas though. I had a small but great dinner with some dessert a couple of hours later and a fair bit of prosecco to wash it all down. Boxing Day was alcohol free but did involve chips and another dessert. I can't weigh myself until I'm home so I'll tell you next week. We are driving home today.

2025 is soon. No resolutions but I want to put pen to page and evaluate my life. Really try to analyse what makes me happy and why. Once I've discovered my own personal core values I will have a plan on how I can try to make the next year just as warm and fulfilling as this one. 

Enjoy your last few days in 2024 and I hope you have a lovely Hogmanay even if you're in bed and sleeping for the bells. I'm sure I will be. I already know that one of my core values is getting plenty shut eye! 

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

Christmas cheer

 

Do you like my log cabin cake? In my head it looked fabulous, however the reality is a bit different. It's pretty bad. Though apparently it tastes delicious which is the main thing I guess. 

Yes, I've been away again! Back to Newcastle to meet up with my sister and BiL who were visiting mum from down south. Mark and I stayed at an Airbnb about 30 miles north of mums house. It was a cute cottage in a village called Longframlington on the road we travel down on. We had a lovely time. And nice to catch up and exchange presents, including birthday presents lol. Then on the way home we had two nights at Ardoe House with our anniversary voucher. It was relaxing and fun. Just devine. Then home on Tuesday and straight to work Wednesday for the rest of the week. It's our staff  party tonight then back to Newcastle tomorrow morning for Christmas with mum and my other sister and her family. 

It's a cliché but true - you remember the memories more than the gifts. I do remember some gifts.  Sindy doll and her wardrobe, and I spent all day making her a bed out of a shoe box. I remember getting Million Dollar Man doll, who became Sindy's boyfriend. And I remember getting a pack of plasters in my stocking! But what I remember most of all is that warmth of joy in the pit of my tummy. The excitement of pinning my name on a pair of my dad's socks (my stocking), leaving a pie and glass of sherry for Santa and then looking out of my bedroom window in case I could see his sleigh. I still do that to this day, well you just never know. 

My favourite day is Christmas Eve. All the preparing, even peeling veg. I will bake Christmas biscuits and maybe cupcakes if we have visitors over for a cuppa. I make whatever pudding has been requested by my family (sometimes everyone wants something different, and definitely not Christmas pudding). We'll watch Christmas movies (always includes Arthur Christmas - Ellie's favourite) and a few drinks. Then off to bed with excitement and anticipation. Christmas morning me and Mark will wake up first then wake the kids. Never, ever once have they woken up before us. We've always had to wake them, which isn't natural in my book but there you go. It's a quick birthday start for Ellie then Christmas begins! Oh my, how I love it! 

I hope you all have a blissful Christmas and remember to take at least one special moment and lock it in your memory box. You never know when you might need it. Ho ho ho! 

Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store, maybe it means a little bit more. - The Grinch

Christmas cards

 

Do you like my french manicure? I think it's cute. 

Anyway, you may already know this but I have a bit of an aversion to writing Christmas cards and as the years pass it's getting harder and harder. I mean, gone are the days when I give one to every single person who works in the office (this is any office obviously). I still love to get a card, especially from people who I don't see or never see. But with the cost of stamps - cor blimey it's so expensive now. I don't think I'm necessarily alone with the dwinderling of giving cards, my silver toast rack is getting more threadbare each year (I've never hung my cards up like what people did in the olden days). Lots of friends now give to charity instead which is a nice idea. The irony is that I have about 8 boxes of new cards, all containing 50 cards. So I own 400 cards and give half a dozen. If you get a card from me then you should feel blessed. 

However, what I do miss is the round-robin letters that some friends sent with their cards. It was always so boastful and a bit show-offey. Wee Jonny has just achieved 12 A stars in his exams and gorgeous Georgina is training to be a brain surgeon whilst running a not for profit organisation looking after little orphan piglets! Bah-humbug I say. So, you may not get a card from me but here's my round-robin letter - written in my style.

2024 has been an eventful year. We celebrated our silver wedding anniversary and managed not to argue for a whole week! 

My memory is totally crap now. I have to write everything down or I forget to do it. I forget people's names, including my own. And my words take so much longer than normal to appear from my mouth sometimes. It feels like dementia but I'm assured it's just old age and the menopause (they are pretty much the same thing in my book.)

I've lost lots of weight which has left me with loose skin all over. My bingo wings are so flappy I can actually fly. My neck looks like a turkey and my bum has disappeared and left me without a comfy cushion to sit on. 

I drew down a pension which means I'm a pensioner but it's not very much money so I can't actually retire! Nor can I get a bus for free or reduced rates at the cinema. 

Ellie graduated with her Master's degree, just in time for her to be made redundant. And Isaac wrote off his car.

My memory is totally crap now. Have I told you this already? Ooh, and I did have an episode when I lost all of my memory but I remembered my blog!

Merry Christmas and all the best for 2025. 

Love from Gilly xx

On a serious note, we've had an amazing year and I hope you all have too. And if you haven't, I hope that 2025 treats you better. 

You can't predict the future or change the past but you can ruin the present by worrying about them both.

Christmas presents/presence

 

After London we went to Worcestershire to stay with my sister and celebrate my nephew's 30th birthday. It was a lovely stay. We took the train home - Stourbridge to Aberdeen via Birmingham which took about 9 hours. It was fine. I read my book and ate snacks. What's not to like?

As promised, let's talk about some special Christmases. 

I was about 6 years old and I really wanted a teddy bear. Stockings and gifts all opened and there was no sign of a bear. I can still remember being so disappointed. Then all of a sudden my mum found another present. For me! And of course, a teddy bear! I still have him now. And he still roars 50 years later, just tip him up and over - grrh!

For the last 25 years, being married to Mark we had to accept Christmas Day without him sometimes, when he's was working. He never had a fixed rota, he went offshore when needed and came home when not needed. One Christmas my sister and BiL were coming up to us. Mark had to go offshore about 3 days before Christmas! Just the nature of the job though such a shame with family visiting. My BiL had to pop to Aberdeen to collect a parcel for my sister on Christmas Eve except, drum roll, he was really picking up my hubby who'd been sent back as the job was delayed. Me and the kids were delighted. What a great Christmas. 

Of course my absolutely favourite Christmas was the one (31 years ago) when I had a baby. On Christmas Eve my then husband and I drove to Yorkshire. Baby wasn't due until 17 Jan, but I took my notes anyway. 3am Christmas morning I woke and had either wet the bed or my waters had broken! Knowing my big sister was working night shift I rang her. Go to hospital was her advice. By 11am nothing else had happened so I was sent home back to my in laws. Presents were opened and I had my Christmas lunch, between contractions! By 3pm I was back at Halifax General. My first born arrived at 11.45pm! Only just made Christmas Day. She was 5lb 15oz. We stayed in hospital for a week and all my family travelled from Newcastle to Halifax to meet her. New years eve we were back at my in laws. Having nothing for the baby, at all, she slept in a drawer that first night. Mind you, I don't think she slept much, I remember a lot of crying! But she definitely was the best present ever! 

The picture is me and my sisters on Christmas Eve. I think I'm about 5. Before the teddy bear anyway.

Family want Christmas presence, more than Christmas presents.

Ghost of Christmas past

 

Ellie and I are in London. We came for the Ideal Home Show - Christmas show and Cake & Bake show. Both were good though some of the stalls a little unexpected - solar panels for Christmas anyone? Also lots of dog food! They had a BBQ hut which came fully kitted out (including reindeer hides for the seats) and boy I was tempted, with Ellie encouraging me but it was lots of money which made it easier to resist - just! 

I adore Christmas but over the years there's been a couple of downers -

I would have been about 12 I think and my big sisters boyfriend dumped her on Christmas Day. That was not fun and I remember lots of tears over the turkey but I've had to forgive him as they've been happily married for 30 years! 

Then aged about 18 I was all alone. Mum and big sister were working. Middle sister had recently moved into a flat share and was having Christmas with them. Not sure where dad was, with friends I guess. I have to say this year was utter miserable. I drove to my grandparents and spent time with them which was nice but being alone without a room full of family wasn't my ideal. If anyone is alone this year just me a call and you can join me.

Then when I was about 19 I was out to my works Christmas party on 23 December. One of my friends/colleagues decided not to come but went clubbing with her cousin Penny. That night, into Boxing Day, Penny was glassed in the throat and died in Donna's arms. I'd only met Penny once I think but Donna was a good friend so that shocked that festive season. Donna really suffered and I think of it often. (The perpetrator, after running off to America the next day, was caught and imprisoned btw).

Next week I'll bring you all my wonderful Christmasses including having a baby! Lol

Leaving London today and heading to Worcestershire! What an eclectic travel life I lead. 

The photo is of the tree at Covent Garden.

It's not what's under the Christmas tree that matters, but who's around it. 

Like mother like son

 

I've just realised it's Friday, blog day. I'm busy having a shower then in suddenly dawned, so this will be quick. 

Apparently, I'm not the only one in my family to forget pants. Ellie is graduating today so we came to Dundee yesterday. Isaac didn't bring pants. He also forgot PJs (I'll just sleep in my pants - um, not if you only have the one pair!) he forgot socks. He was wearing the only footwear he had (in his own words 'tatty trainers') nice look with his shirt and tie (dad ironed his trousers and shirt and packed them with his suit in the suit carrier, otherwise Isaac would be in his far too baggy, and dirty, jeans!) So it's mum's job to QC him. Though as he's 24 he shouldn't need it. Obviously he does. After picking up the graduation tickets we went shopping. Isaac bought pants, socks, smart boots and new jeans. (He was poorly over the summer and lost weight which he hasn't put back on so needed a size smaller on jeans. His old ones hung off him). It cost him a small fortune which Mark called his forgetful tax! I said less because I kind of did the same, except it was only knickers and bras for me. 

Ellie was in London with work yesterday. She flew back to Aberdeen then hopped on the train to Dundee. She picked up her graduation gown (they don't do mortar boards here) and we went off out for dinner. She's very shy is my Ellie, not! Tapas and sangria with a cocktail thrown in for good measure. Lovely evening and so very proud of her. She did her masters in psychology whilst working full time as a home designer for John Lewis. She's being made redundant on 6th January so maybe her masters degree might feature, we'll see. 

Right I need to get dressed and look pretty. See you next week and sorry this is so late!

Rich people have labels on their clothes. Happy people have dog hairs on their clothes.

Mistakes

 

Everyone makes mistakes, is the old adage. And it's the truth. I've made and continue to make mistakes in my life. Some tiny, like getting an answer wrong in an exam because I didn't read the question properly and some bigger, like wearing a white line across my nose at an Adam Ant concert. My husband will tell you that I drive little old ladies off the road - there was no traffic, she should have left the roundabout! This was of course an accident kind of mistake. I regret my mistakes, obviously, like the time I broke Mark's favourite mug in a fit of rage. I once wrote some letters trying to amend a few of my errors (of judgement) and I believe I've been forgiven by those (who hadn't even noticed these misdemeanours) but my head still felt burdened. Whilst writing this week's blog I've been thinking back to all the types of mistakes I've made and some have actually made me feel quite sick! About 40 years ago I decided to have a drastic change of hair style and treated myself to a cut at Fenwick's. Later that day my usual mobile hairdresser turned up to an appointment I had completely forgotten about. I felt so bad! 

I can't remember why I decided to address this topic today. Only to say that you (yes, you too) must make some mistakes, possibly less as you get older (or more?) but please forgive yourself and get over it. It is a part of life. And here and now I will say sorry to anyone that might have been affected by my errors. If I'm sorry about it then I apologise.

I think my niece Kate might think this photo is a mistake, and letting me use it on this post! But it is funny and she is cute.

I didn't lose my mind. The people in my head stole it and won't give it back.

Too organised

 

Yes, there is a thing that is being too organised. I'm here in Fuerturventura with Ellie and my sister Beverley, her daughter Kate and my niece Sarah. I got back from Grenada and washed my clothes. They then sat on my bedroom floor for a wee bit but decided to pack my suitcase for my holiday here. So I swapped a couple of dresses and packed. I think my plan was to unpack and repack before setting off but I didn't quite manage this. The result? I'm here with zero knickers! Obviously I have the pair I wore during the journey so they have been washed in the sink and hung out to dry. I need to do this every day... Or go commando! I also only have the bra I was wearing on Wednesday plus a strapless which I packed for a specific dress! Oh well, there you go. 

And, I don't have any flip flops but luckily I threw, at the last minute to the order of my daughter, in some flat mules for the evening in case my high heels got sore, otherwise said high heels would be needed for beside the pool and down to the beach! A touch over dressed I think.

It's been over 24 hours and no one has fallen out yet so there's a plus. It's Kate's birthday on Tuesday so the whole week is just one big birthday party for us all. Like we need an excuse to party? 

Later on I shall post vlog #3 for those that like a wee video treat. No pressure if it's not your thing. Like my friend Lesley said, I'm doing a little bit of both to keep everyone happy. 

I saw this photo on Facebook today and just had to share. Enjoy

It doesn't matter where you are going, it's all about who is sat beside you.

Dementia

 

My mum says I don't have dementia. My mum says that I'm just doing too much. My mum says that mums are always right. But ...

In the past week I've got 3 dates completely wrong. My SiL has her birthday on Saturday and we were invited over for brunch. I told her I couldn't manage as I would be down south for my nephew's 30th. But that's the end of November not October. Then I told my mum we were driving to Newcastle on the Wednesday ready to fly to Spain on the Thursday! Nope, we fly on the Wednesday morning so need to drive Tuesday! And lastly, I was keen to meet up with my sister and BiL before Xmas. Mark and I have only 2 free dates. The weekend of 6 Dec or 13 Dec. Jane is going to visit mum on the 13th so we decided to book an Airbnb the same weekend and spend some time together in Newcastle. Except I booked Airbnb for 6th by accident! Luckily, I managed to change it. But that's my head calendar being very wrong 3 times in a very short period of time. Something is broken. 

My blackberries were delicious. Once we had mushrooms in the garden that Mark googled and was certain we're edible. Bella kept finding them and scoffing them and though she was fine I absolutely drew the line at trying lawn mushrooms. Google can be deceptive. And I didn't want to be high or ill. 

Yay, I've watched my first Christmas movie for this year. Just the usual festive sop but it starred Teri Hatcher and James Denton (both in Desperate Housewives) and I really enjoyed it. Give me a happy ending with baubles any day off the week. But only after October (or there abouts). 

This week's picture is Bella and how she likes to lie. Bless her. 

Have a lovely week everyone. Next week I'll be writing from Fuerturventura. Whoop whoop!

I often get mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Autumn forage

 

The weather has turned to autumn for sure. A lovely walk through the trees at Aden Country Park with cool sunshine and not a breathe of wind. Picking a (poo) bag full of blackberries with a dog running around reminding me how good this season is. I had enough for 4 breakfasts with natural yogurt and granola. I tried Bella with one but she spat it out in disgust.

My tummy can definitely fit more in that it used to. Not that I'm eating a lot mind you but just a bit more. However, my weight has never been so stable. 10 stone 10lbs is absolutely my natural set point. It's remained this for so many months now, I'd even guess at most of this year. Only holidays adjusting it a little, but then going back again very quickly. Just like a normal person, in my opinion. I ain't going to try to fight it. If I now deliberately tried to lose weight that would be going 'on a diet'. Trying to restrict how much I eat (and what I eat) only for my body to rebel and fight to return to my set/natural weight. Then we have the yo-yo followed by my set weight getting confused and weight gain will commence. If I stay at this weight, eating what I eat, I will be eternally happy. I'm not skinny (never, ever been my goal) and perhaps not slim but I'm thin for me and more importantly I'm ecstatic. 

This week I made some Viennese biscuits, they were eaten by Mark and Isaac before I could count them. I made a tarragon chicken recipe for the first time ever, which was good. And with the rest of the chicken and creme fraiche I also made a chicken and mushroom stroganoff. It was so delicious! Though Isaac turned his nose up lol. 

On top of a busy week at work that's me! I hope you've all had a lovely week. Enjoy this weekend and I'll see you soon. Thank you for continuing to read my witterings. If you didn't read, I wouldn't write. 

I read this on Facebook this week, me and Mark to a tee -

Partner 1 - That's the boarding cards, passports and rental car details. 

Partner 2 - Where are we going again? 

I shall let you guess who is who (like that would be hard to figure out lol).

Ignorant

Writing this Thursday on our drive home from Ragdale Hall, after a lovely time. Feeling soft (skin), relaxed & rejuvenated (body and mind) and achy (thighs). Ragdale is such a special place and I can't wait to go back. 

Those who have watched my video, addendum, will know that I had to tell a couple to shhh 🤫 in the candle lit cave but this morning in the Thought Zone there were 3 women chatting away. Before I entered it was just them but when I went in they didn't stop. They weren't even whispering. After a while I had to remind them it was a silent room. One of them turned and said 'We're having a private conversation' - (not very private as I could clearly hear every word), then 'I should shut up then should I?' Yes, please I replied! Honestly some people are just ignorant. There are lots of places where you can talk, only a few are silent. And if I can keep schtum I'm sure everyone can. The signs don't say keep it down, be quieter or whisper only! They very obviously say Silence Please! God, I can be bolchy when I need to. I bet they called me a cow bag when I left lol. Am I bothered? 

Every previous visit to Ragdale I'd promise myself when leaving that next time I go I'll be slimmer. And that never happened.... Until now. And the difference in doing the classes was like apples and oranges. I felt so fit (and I'm not even particularly fit) and strong. The yoga was my best ever. This made me very happy. My thighs are sore after Core Board but that's good. I'm so happy and content (at the same time I'm sad that it's over). 

I also slept like a log. Which was great as my sleep just recently hasn't been so good. I blame the menopause, which it probably is, but I also wondered if it was alcohol as I definitely process it differently now. But we had prosecco in our room, a glass of wine with dinner and a cocktail after dinner so I've been anything but sober. I need to keep up the exercise and see if that makes the difference. Zzzzz

I don't snore, I purr with the force of 10,000 kittens.

Laura

 

Drove back to Newcastle last night, to be here for my Auntie Laura's funeral today. We were travelling south anyway on Monday so it was easy enough just to come early. I'm glad I can attend though funerals are, obviously, so sad. I could probably attend a complete strangers funeral service and cry. The last funeral I attended was my aunt's eldest son's, Simon, who took his own life* just before COVID. It's the same crematorium so I know I'll be thinking about him a lot. His death hit me hard, even though as adults we didn't see much of each other. My mum saw him frequently and he was a kind and thoughtful guy. I wanted to know why I couldn't save him. Which is ridiculous, if his parents couldn't save him and his brothers couldn't save him, how could I?

Keeping this bleak theme I was wondering if I've really discussed the negative of my weight loss surgery? (We certainly know the good bits). I have scars but really they are tiny and faded and no big deal. I shouldn't eat and drink together but I'm not a great drinker (stop laughing, I'm not talking about alcohol - not yet, see below lol) anyway so it's mostly not noticeable. It's costing me a fortune in new clothes but this is actually great fun! 

The real negatives -

- lots of loose skin. It's not a deal breaker but I would really rather not have it. It's all over my body - legs, arms, face, back, tummy but hey ho. 

- sometimes when I'm eating something really delicious it is a pain in the arse that I can only eat a little and leaving good food is really, really awful. 

- there's a few things I still can't eat/drink. The biggy (for me) is Bailey's. More than a shot glass full makes me feel proper poorly! 😭

- I am not supposed to drink anything fizzy. Coke etc doesn't bother me but prosecco is a diet staple. I give it a stir then drink it anyway. 

- I get drunk so much easier on so much less. I've been quite tiddly a few times this year on not that much alcohol. I would change this if I could. (And don't say just drink less!)

Last Friday I took all my too big clothes and either took them to the charity box or got them on Vinted. I've sold four things, for not that much money lol. Next week what isn't sold is going to charity! I can't keep them for the sake of it. Shame, as there's some nice stuff, but you need to do what you need to do. 

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got lost, and now I need a pee. 

*If you are worried about someone just ask the question, directly. Don't say "Are you thinking of doing something silly" - it's anything but silly to them. Ask them if they are thinking of killing themselves. If they answer yes ask them if they have a plan. If this is a yes, get help. The Samaritans are a starting place but there are loads of organisations that can help. 

Decision

 

Thank you for all the feedback. It was very positive towards the original words and the newest video, though the oldies (mentioning no names, mum and mum in law, and Mark!) prefer the former. So I've made a decision. My written blog will continue weekly and I'll do my video once a month. I plan on it being more of a travel vlog. Let's face it, this year at least, I've been away every month. I hope you'll enjoy both and I'll continue to post by what's app and on Facebook. I might get my head around YouTube and even tiktok - you never know. 

My friend above is Charlie, the 8 foot python that visited us at work. I felt pretty confident holding him. To be honest, it was the tirantula that I was scared of. 

I went to Newcastle last weekend with Isaac, last minute plan. My aunt had been taken into a hospice on palliative care, when I was on holiday. I was hoping to see her one last time, to say my goodbye but sadly she died on Sunday night. I told her I loved her the last time I saw her a few weeks ago, for this I am grateful. I used to stay with her when I was a little girl. And I remember asking her why she wasn't my mummy. She had three boys, so getting to be girly with me was a treat. God bless her. 

This week has been tough. Work has been busy and hard. I've felt like I've been walking through treacle. Today I'm off and home, first time in a few weeks. I plan on moping but at the same time I have so much I need to do. I've secured a lovely person to do my cleaning (I hate cleaning) but I need to sort out lots of shit before she can swing the dusting cat. I'll rope Ellie in to help me. She's ruthless, and will bin everything that she deems worthless - I'll have to watch her carefully, goodness knows what I might lose. That punch bowl that is in the cupboard, from 20 years ago, never used but might come in handy one day, probably the day after Ellie chucks it! 

You might have scars, but at least that means the bleeding has stopped.

Confused.com

 

Thank you to those that let me know you liked my video. In fact the only person who told me the writing was better was Mark. Though I am aware that it's easier for those who enjoyed it to tell me. Harder for those that thought it was rubbish! One friend suggested I mix it up with a vlog on some weeks and the blog on others! I'm undecided, but this week we're back to normal. I just don't know what to do! You can read this discretely in an office when a video is too obvious but you can listen to the video and get to do other stuff!

When I was away it occurred to me how weird it is to walk about half naked (in a bikini), popping to the bar etc. And yet just a few hours later, if I walked the same walk in my underwear I'd get a few strange looks. And yet my underwear probably covers more than my bikini does. Does this not strike you as absurd? If I walked down the street in Peterhead in my knickers and bra (apart from being freezing cold) I'd be arrested! Crazy man. 

Something else that bothered me was how much I ate. We went to the steak house and I had filet mignon and it was delicious! But I could only manage half. It was so hard leaving this delicious beef on my plate. If I was here I'd take it home, but on holiday there is no where to take it. The best I could hope for was that a member of staff could take it for a very very pampered dog! I think it's my upbringing. My grandparents lived through the war when food was scarce. Then this was passed to my mum who was born during the war. To leave food was criminal and I hate to do it now. I'll never get used to it and I'll never apologise. 

I treat myself to a bracelet when I was in Grenada. Great value compared to the UK. I love it and will wear it every day. I almost gave it to Mark to give to me for Christmas but decided that that was stupid. I bought it with my pension money i.e. MY money lol. It's not a Christmas present! Lol. 

Don't save anything for a special occasion, being alive is a special occasion.

Maybe you'll get a video next week. It might depend on what I have to say lol. Thank you for reading and I hope you're not disappointed not seeing my sunny face! 

TGA

 

I wasn't going to write this, this week, as I've done my very first vlog (video) instead. And when I was persuaded to still write this (thank you Mark) I was going to let it be a written version of the vlog but I just can't bring myself to write the same stuff. So if you'd like to find out how I ended up in hospital the night before flying out to start our holiday you'll just have to listen to my YouTube video. Therefore the blog below is different content. 

https://youtu.be/gQOuht4WxgI?si=cW6YH-q9qqEa2ZWr

(You might have to copy and paste this link into your browser - I'm a novice)

Grenada has been lovely. The weather is fantastic and we always have such a great time over here. I've not been diving, yet a-bloody-gain! See above for the reasons why.

I was floating in the pool this morning when I noticed that one of my pinky toe nails had lost all its nail polish, (see picture below) which I thought was a bit mental as it's gel polish that lasts for weeks! But when I looked closer I noticed that I'd lost the whole nail. How can you lose a toe nail without noticing? You'd think it would hurt. I have lost nails before but never without noticing lol.

On our first day here we met a couple who we'd met at this resort last year. They remembered us and Lorraine even commented that I'd lost more weight. And she's right. I'm 2 stone lighter than I was when we were here last September! I felt pretty great then but I feel even greater now. 

The picture is me with my gorgeous half price silk dress that I told you about a couple of weeks ago. I say gorgeous because I absolutely love it but Mark and Ellie aren't keen. They think it's a bit boring and dowdy! So rude. But hey, it's my dress so as long as I adore it that's all that matters. To be honest I think the size below would have been a better fit but by the time it was delivered they were out of stock so I kept this one. It's fine. And yes, I am boasting! I love it when a size 12 fits.

Anyway, if you listen to my vlog please give me some feedback. I can't do both long term, especially if they contain different contents each week to each other, my god I'd run out of things to say. Let me know which direction I should go. Keep the blog or branch out to the vlog? I look forward to hearing from you. Have fun this week xx

Sometimes I say to myself don't be crazy Susan but my name isn't Susan, so there you go.

Gilly does Gilly

 

Ellie is home at the moment, ready to look after the dog and the house (and her brother) when we're away. She's just spent her uniform budget for work and had a lovely long green cardigan (the style that goes down to your calves). I decided it would go lovely with my new travel pants! When I asked if I could borrow it she reminded me I already had my own long cardi. Oh yeah, I'd completely forgotten about it. And had no idea where it was. But my grey one would look really stylish with the black pants. I looked everywhere. Wardrobes, on the pegs behind all the doors, in the coat cupboards, drawers, under the bed. Ellie and Mark shouting suggestions. I was sad, as even though I'd forgotten about it now I remembered I really, really wanted it back! Where was my long grey cardigan? Try dad's chair (chair in our bedroom where he flings his clothes) says Elle. He looked and as he was moving a navy woollen thing to see under it I yelled with delight - that's it! My lovely grey cardigan is in fact a navy cardi (as above pic will show) which does not match my new black trousers!! Ellie, can I borrow your new green cardigan? She said yes 👍😄

We had 'work related stress' training at work the other day. It was great. Box breathing, a bit of a chat, followed by meditation. I almost fell asleep. We also got a wellbeing card - mine said ' and a sleeping tip card - 'listen to soothing music before bed'. And... We got paid! No wonder I love my job.

I've been very vocal about the weather this week. It's so cold and wet and miserable. I've been saying how I'm not emotionally or physically ready for autumn. Especially after a poor summer. However, I realised I've been premature with my chagrin. Autumn is actually lush. Think roaring fires, under a cosy blanket with a hot chocolate. Dark nights with the curtains shut and candles lit. Walking in the woods with chunky jumpers, woolly hats and purple gloves! Yes summer was not great but I'm going to embrace this new season and concentrate on all the best bits! Bring it on. 

Thank you so much for committing to reading my blog every week. I love you all. Let's face it, I wouldn't write it if no one read it! 

It's not what we have in our life, but who we have in our life.

My addendum

Horrendous photo. That's Mark's phone sharing picture of me with food on my face! And no, I'm not a child (see below) but I'm so bloody messy! I can't believe I'm volunteering to share these pictures with you. I have no shame obviously.

As you may have noticed I love a good life quote. I add one at the end of every blog, so that's quite a few sayings I've come up with over the years. But I thought I'd share a few that just don't cut the mustard, for me at least.

Do something every day that scares you by Eleanor Roosevelt. Nooooooo! Why?? Who on earth wants to be scared? I have done some scary things (mostly anything involving heights). I've zip lined through the tree. The zip bit was fun but standing on the platform was horrible. I tried Go Ape and climbed around a wooden assault course about 5 foot in the air. It's not high, and looked easy from the ground. I was terrified and don't know how I got round. These experiences don't improve my personality or make me a better person! They created memories - but bad ones. No thanks, keep your daily scares. 

If you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain by Dolly Parton. Yeah I get it but a huge element of this is missing. The sunshine! You can't have a rainbow without it. And let's face it, rain is just pretty miserable. Sunshine, however, is lush.

The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much by William Hazlitt. How depressing is this one? I say enjoy a lot and endure what's left. 

We are here to add what we can to life not to get what we can from life by William Osler. Uh-uh. Nope. It's your life, it's short, get what you can from your life! No excuses needed. Enjoy!

At work this week a residents family member described me as young. I can't remember if it was young lass, young lady or young girl but it was definitely young. How cool is that? Me, at 55. It's so weird that after about the age of 20 you don't get any older. I mean the years go to by and you have birthdays but I'm not any older than I was over 30 years ago. I only know my age because I can do the maths. I know my body isn't the same as it was 30 years ago, and I look a bit different now, but tell me I'm 55 and I just don't feel it, or believe it. I forget that people under the age of 30 probably look at me as if I'm ancient. I look at them as my peer! Only children under the age of 18 are allowed to think I'm ancient! So there! 

Have a lovely week and we'll speak next Friday. 

This week's addendum I've used before, but it's my favourite. 

Just be yourself because everyone else is taken. 

PS to those that are normally on my holiday photos what's app group - next holiday is next weekend but I wasn't going to bother with the group as it's getting a bit samey. Cocktails, sunsets, flowers, creatures and me in a dress. If you disagree feel free to let me know, and I shall reconsider. 

Am I a psychopath?

 

So the very next day after revealing my face covered in sweet chilli sauce, I went to work with a big blob of marshmallow right on the end of my nose. Obviously I didn't know this. And it was nearly 4 hours before someone told me! When I looked in the mirror I looked like a frozen Rudolph. When I got home and told Mark he laughed so hard he cried. He reckons that all my work mates were giggling behind my back. Anyway it's about time they all know how messy I am. 

For Christmas I got Mark a book called 'Are you a Psychopath?'. One of the very first traits it mentions is hanging the toilet paper facing down the back. I do this (as does my mom and sisters) and therefore he has declared me a psychopath. Alas, there are more -

- I keep the ketchup in the fridge

- I fold down the page corners in books, even books I don't own

- if I want a bit of cheese I chop a corner rather than a slice

- I don't finish my tea, but then want another one

- I don't make my bed (but we've talked about this at length, I like the bed to breathe) 

- I happily drink orange juice after brushing my teeth

- I rarely eat cereal but if I do I can eat it dry (butter spread on a Weetabix is delicious) 

- I like cheesy life quotes (one at the end of every blog each week lol) 

- I love a ham and pineapple pizza (come on, I'm not the only one!)

 - I bite into ice lollies. 

Now that might seem a lengthy list but there's lots mentioned that I don't do; wear odd socks, put empty bottles of milk back in the fridge, I never drive a car in silence (always play music). I'm betting that everyone reading the book could declare themselves a psychopath. Of course I'm not admitting chopping up my ex-husband! 

This week's blog is number 430! I've been writing every week for over 8 years. Congratulations to everyone who has been here from the start. I can't believe I still have stuff to prattle on about. Lots of dieting posts and dog posts and the rest is just Gilly nonsense. Readers have come and gone and that's ok. One day it'll be my last, but not this week. Thank you for reading and have a good day! 

My photo this week I took from Facebook. It looks very old, and she's holding my doll! He's called Jack (see below). He's as old as me so I guess that's very old. 😂😂

Happiness is not about getting what you want, it's about enjoying what you have.

Black runs

We've had a mini break back at The Hideaways near Dundee. One of our favourite places just to chill out and relax. Our first morning we took Bella for a walk at a nearby country park. There's various routes and we follow one of the paths. Uphill all the way until we reached the summit. Great view and though I'm not super fit I managed it well. Continuing along the path we kind of came to a dead end. I suggested we just go back the way we had come but Mark was sure there must be a loop back to the bottom. He finds a way through the bushes and grass that he tries but it just led to a steep cliff. Let's just go the way we came I suggest. We get back to the original path when he finds another gap in the grass. It's not a path but has had human feet down it. But alas it leads no where. Please let's just follow the path down. Ok he says while opening the All Trails app. Our path is a blue trail he announces, and there's a black trail which will cut off a big corner, straight to the carpark. So he finds the black track. It's a little like a path but whereas the original was about 10 foot wide this black one is a foot wide, if that. Pushing past nettles and brambles is not fun. I also realised that, like ski runs a black is much steeper than a blue. And yes, it did cut a big chunk off (and the clouds threatened rain) but it was very steep.... but we got there in one piece! 

Back at the Hideaways we jumped into the hot tub and all was forgiven. I still think we could have just gone down the way we had come up, but hey, I'm not an annoying boy who thrives on adventure. 

Eating lunch (sweet chilli chicken) Mark looks at me funny, gets his phone and takes my picture. I have chilli sauce on my chin and forehead. He's in awe of my skill at making a mess. The photo, he insists, is for my blog - see above! 

We're back home now and life goes on as it does. 

Life is like a camera; focus on the good times, develop from the negatives and if things don't work out, take another shot. 

Quick snaps

 

A quick update. 

Weight now 10st 10lb. Mostly due to a lot of poo production. i.e. an unhappy tummy

With regard to losing more weight dilemma of last week, I think it's important to hold on to some extra fat in case of an emergency. This is a real thing and not an excuse. If I were to be chronically ill I will benefit from a little cushioning. 

My autism course is going well - Mark is autistic, definitely. And you can't say that everyone is on the spectrum. Only autistic people are on the autism spectrum. 

Hubby just finished 20 nightshifts. This is/was dangerous because if he's not busy on a nightshift he shops. Long story short. . ..a robot vac was delivered this week! 

I treat myself to a gorgeous silk dress from M&S (more than half price) with my first pension payment. 

Also, this lovely silk nightie (see pic).

I thought it was called the menopause but there's another name for my ailment - 'lethologica' - the inability to remember a particular word or name.

Bella's already put a small tear in my silk nightie! Argh

Robovac is actually pretty cool. It washes the kitchen floor as well as hoovers.

He's now making noises about a robot mower. Oh my! 

Love is.... How excited your dog gets when you arrive home.

Wood and trees

 

I've been thinking about today's blog for a couple of days. Firstly, my weight has gone down to 10st 11lbs. But should it be 9st 11lbs? I'm wearing a size 12/14 but should I be in 10/12? My BMI is currently 26.7 which is overweight, should it be under 25 so that it's in the normal range? 

I look in the mirror and I think I look really good. The change between before and after is amazing (in my eyes) but am I blind to how I actually really look now? Hence, I can't see the woods for the trees. Some days I see all the fatty, flabby bits and I feel like an overweight person. When I look at some photos I don't look as slim as I do in my head. Why do photos do this? I'm not alone here. 

Initially, my plan was to ask my readers. What do you honestly think? Is my weight loss enough? Have I really done ok or sold myself short? My op was expensive - should I make it work harder? Then I decided that was a stupid idea! 

A. Most of you might be reluctant to tell me what you think in case you offend me. It's human nature (for the majority) to be polite. We are British after all.

B. Those that are happy to be brutal will have lots of differing opinions ...

C. Some thought I was lovely just as I was and didn't need to lose any weight in the first place.

D. Some will just be happy that I've lost over 5½ stones and that I'm healthier and happier. 

E. Some will see that I'm still a size 14, at the top end of 10 stones with an overweight BMI, and yes, I need to do better.

Thus, I've decided to thank you for your opinion but don't bother to share as it is just your own opinion. Everyone is free to have thoughts and I encourage this but letting me know won't help me. For every person that says stop you've done well there will be another saying you should make the most of your tiny tummy and get down to a BMI of 21! I guess I need to do what is best for me. Thank you for listening. 

How weird is this? Last week I was waffling about grammar and apostrophes, also effect and affect - and yesterday I started a course about autism. One of the learning extras was hints and tips about English and it explained apostrophes (also commas, colons and semi colons etc) and the difference between similar words including affect and effect (also practice and practise and lots of others). I was super excited because I bought a book about grammar last year but when I tried to read it it simply bamboozled me. So complicated. But this was really clear and simply and I learnt loads! Though I haven't implemented it in this blog. Lol. 

Have a great week and I'll see you next Friday. 

Sometimes you need to let go of the life you thought you'd be living, and enjoy the story that you are in.

I forgot

 

I got a message from my mum asking where my blog was. First time ever that I forgot! 

Now, I haven't had therapy or counselling but I have lost weight and I've aged. I've been looking in the mirror more, literally and figuratively. Literally because I like what I see and figuratively because I'm getting older! I don't like what I've been seeing on the inside. It's probably something I've always known and I bet everyone that knows me won't be surprised by this but I'm rather critical! Big news! I'm trying hard not to be, live and let live and all that. I would definitely describe myself as someone who doesn't suffer fools gladly. It's always driven crazy when people say stupid things (even though I myself have said idiotic things - just ask Mark, he'll give you a list). I get frustrated when people get their spellings or grammar wrong (even though I don't know all the grammar rules. Apostrophe anyone?). Going forward I'm doing my very best not to let other people's ignorance affect me (or is it effect? See, I'm not perfect). Maybe I might laugh if it's with someone not at someone (I only laugh at someone in private). Why am I like this? Mum do you know? No one is perfect and not everyone is academic, and everyone has their strengths even if it's just common sense or a great sense of direction - I lack both. 

My weight has still not moved. My body has reached it's settled point. I've been to see the nurse this morning and my BP is great and I might be able to come off the meds. Whoop. My diet is pretty healthy but I must try harder to eat less chocolate and biscuits etc. A biscuit in the morning with my cuppa is fine but not 4 biscuits throughout the day! I adore chocolate and want it all day and I'm not giving it up but I must cut down. I also don't dr ink enough (water I mean, alcohol I probably have too much). 

Ellie has finished her dissertation and that's the masters degree complete! We celebrated last night (this will be why I forgot my blog). I'll let you know her grades when she gets them. I'm super proud of her. She did it whilst working full time! Go girl. 

PS normally I'd Google the difference between affect and effect but I'm trying to relax my perfectivity lol.

I finally found my rhythm when I realised that even backward steps are part of the dance.

Vacay

 

This week is more like a TripAdvisor review. I apologise for those wanting my weight loss journal but I must tell you about this gem of a place we stayed in this week. 

Swinton estates is 20,000 acres near Masham, outside Ripon in North Yorkshire. Our wooden lodge in the middle of the woods was cute and rustic. Our bed was at the top of a wooden ladder on the mezzanine. There were sheep skins and blankets and hot water bottles. The lodge has no electricity but uses candles for light, wood burner for heat and gas for cooking on a hob. Outside there was a hot tub, deck chairs, a double hammock and picnic table. Fairy lights in every nook. We were on the couple retreat package which included a bottle of prosecco, dinner one night, breakfast every morning and two sessions in the spa.

Dinner, we picked the night we arrived, we were collected and returned by car to the main hotel about 4 miles away. It was delicious, really scrummy - spicy chicken with beans and stuff. We moved outside into the garden for cheese and biscuits. (See pic above) Again there were sheep skins and blankets provided, though the evening was lovely and warm. 

Breakfast in the cafe was a short walk through a field. Bella loved it. Mark had and enormous bacon sarnie and I had yogurt and granola with banana, coconut, dark chocolate and hazelnuts. Wow! This was just awesome. The best yogurt and granola ever!

The spa had a pool and outdoor natural pool. This was cold but the nice kind of cold where you take a few deep breaths then it feels lovely. There was outside beds with sheep skins, duvets and blankets. The thermal spa had a couple of saunas and a couple of steam rooms. A small warm pool with lots of buttons for jets and bubbles. Also hot and cold foot spas. 

One of the saunas was alfresco. Round the corner was an outside nook with seating and (yes you got it) sheep skins, blankets and cushions. A wood burner for the evenings and winter days. So discrete and cosy. Everywhere there were buttons to push and a 'spa host' would appear to take your drinks or food order. We did have glasses of bubbly whilst chilling out. So relaxing. 

We had such an amazing three days at Swinton and we will definitely be going back. Loads of trails to walk and close to Ripon and Harrogate, both lovely for a visit. More pics below.

PS at the spa I saw a woman I recognised, was sure she was an actress. Then I noticed her companion was Maxine Peake. I googled her friend and I think I found her name but have since forgotten lol. 

I need six months of holiday, twice a year.

What a week!

In no particular order -

Since I last wrote I've been to the circus. We took some of our residents who really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it but I was dismayed that clowns were no longer PC. I wasn't expecting animals (elephants, lions and horses are long gone) but what's wrong with a clown? We did see motorbikes though! 

We also had a sponsored walk at work. About a dozen residents, three able to walk and the rest in wheelchairs. Staff one to one, and a few relatives came. I don't know how far we went but it was about 4 miles. The sun shone and it was lovely and warm. It took about 2 hours. It was so enjoyable but my god it's hard work pushing a wheelchair. I've probably only pushed a wheelchair a couple of metres before so a few miles was wow! My thighs and arms are aching. My resident was very patient with me and she didn't fall out once! I'm quite chuffed that she got back in one piece. 

Yet more size 12s. My yoga pants (XL) were driving Mark crackers because they were so baggy. Every time I wore them he'd tell me that they are supposed to be fitting. In the end he ordered me two new pairs from Victoria Secrets (great sale price). When they arrived they looked tiny and the label said size 8! I thought bloody Nora he's made a boob, they won't fit. But the label was in US sizes and they fit perfectly. See photo above lol! 

I am retired! Well, I mean I managed to fill in the paperwork to draw my pension. Considering I used to work for Citizens Advice and filled in all kinds of forms for others I found my pension papers so confusing! They shouldn't make it so difficult, with all their fancy words. I've yet to see any money so maybe I flunked it. Time will tell 

We've repaid our mortgage! How bloody is exciting is this! Just over 25 years like a chain around our necks but we are free. Whoop whoop. 

Off to Ripon (obviously) to celebrate. More about this next week. 

Have a fantastic weekend and I hope we all get a little more sunshine.

Feeling unfit and ugly? Exercise and just feel ugly.

A bit weird I admit

 

So years ago, when I was dieting, and so sure that eventually I'd lose weight there were a few things on my 'when I get thin' list. One was walking up Bennachie without the palaver - nailed, (albeit I was planning on wearing size 12 jeans - not nailed).

Another was to wear my wedding ring again - cheated! After giving up on diets a couple of years ago and accepting my body beautiful (never happened) I had my ring sized. Fits me now. 

To get my diamond ring out of Mark's top drawer - another cheat. Mark bought me a ring that I was to be given when I was down to a size 12 about a decade ago. It was for inspiration/bribery/ something has to work, and was all my idea but alas it didn't work and a diamond ring was no match to being fat. I would sometimes sneak it out to wear it, and after 10 years of it sitting in a drawer I just kept it on my finger and it didn't go back in lol. 

I wanted to be able to fit into Mark's trousers. Now I admit this one is weird and I can't really explain why I wanted this other than I thought it was romantic?? I think I'd watched too many chick movies with the girl popping on the guys pants and it seemed a thing? And in my head I believe men are bigger than women, or at least should be. (Even I think this sounds sexist but I am just being honest). Anyway, weird or not, I have actually managed to get his work pants on and zipped up (see above) which made me smile (he's described as very slim). And actually I thought they'd look completely ludicrous as he's much taller than me, but they don't look too daft after all! However, I don't plan on wearing them anywhere soon.

Change of topic - can you remember the size 12 bikini I bought from Tesco? I saw it in a magazine, how exciting and then yesterday I saw it in yet another magazine! First one red (the colour I bought - as above) and then white. I've taken this to be a signal that I'm up with my fashion ha ha. I've posted screen shots below (I read all my magazines online nowadays).

I hope you're all having a good week. And love to my aunt who has received a devastating diagnosis. Just know that you are loved ♥️♥️♥️

Tough times don't last, but tough people do. 

Saggy boobs

 

We had such a lovely time at the ball last weekend, it was so nice to meet up with those I met at the clinic and meet others I've spoken to on social media. I did feel amazing in my dress, though there were a couple of issues...

1. I left my magic pants at my sister's house. This might be for the best as when I tried them on my tummy was flatter but all the extra flesh went to my chest. And not in a way that boosted my boobs, it was more like having a second pair of breasts underneath. Wasn't great.

2. I didn't have a bra that you couldn't see, so I went without. This gave my boobs a slightly saggy look. So all in all with saggy boobs and a pot belly I still looked a-okay. 

My beautiful niece, Sarah, did my hair and that looked gorgeous at least. Thank you honey. 

It was lovely to see the weight loss in my clinic friends but when I saw before pictures of the people I just met it was mind blowing. Comparing the before and after is just a wow moment. My work pally, Kelly, has created a before and after for me below. I recognise the new girl but can't quite get over the before! Was that really me? 

I can't believe I forgot to tell you last week but I bought my very first pair of dress shorts. They are white which isn't a great colour for me as I'm pretty clumsy, but (drum roll) they are a size 12!! So very chuffed. They're from H&M, and maybe they do bigger sizes but I'm still very happy. 

For those that are interested my weight has very much been stable - 10 st 12 is where I've sat for a while now. That's ok by me but let's see what the next few weeks brings. 

We don't know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory. 

Up a mountain

 

Some of you on Facebook will know that last Saturday I climbed Bennachie with Mark and Bella. I've done it a few times but this was the first since my weight loss. 

Before weight loss - I'd need to sit down and rest at least half a dozen times, my face would be puce, my heart would be bouncing out of my chest and I would be swearing like a navi.

After weight loss - I didn't stop and sit once! I did pull over to let people coming down pass. My face was red and my heart was pumping. And I didn't swear at all. What a difference it felt. I mean, I almost, enjoyed it. I mean it's still hard going but pretty much everyone doing it felt the same. 

We then spent the night at Pittodrie House. It was just lovely. We didn't do anything spectacular. Had a room picnic for lunch and dinner. Had a drink in the lounge and Bella was pretty well behaved. We slept well and it was just so nice. (This was our free night courtesy of hotels.com.)

I'm currently at my sister's house in Worcestershire. We drove down yesterday (with Bella - she's so good in the car) and staying until Tuesday. On Saturday night we have the Riga Ball. It's been organised by the bariatric clinic I went to. A couple of my ward mates will be there and I can't wait to see them again. It's also exciting meeting some of the others who are on the Facebook pages. I have a dress. One from years ago but it's lovely to be in it again - although it's actually a bit too big, but it's fine. I do like it so loving being able to wear it after so long! My sister and BiL are Bella sitting for us. Family are so important and it's hard when we live so far away but special when we catch up. We have such a blast. Another reason I feel so lucky. I love all my family. 

Not only does my mind wander, sometimes it walks off completely.

A weighty issue

 

3pm on a Sunday afternoon. Bubble bath, wine and a book. Perfect. 

Now I've surprised myself with my views of people who are overweight, and I feel a bit of a fraud. Firstly, if anyone asked me about bariatric surgery because they were thinking of taking that route I would absolutely support them, give them honest advice and opinions, and tell them it is the best thing I have ever done. Obviously, I'd never give unsolicited advice or even hint that I think it's something they should consider. But, even though I absolutely hated being overweight myself and it made me miserable I want to tell others to embrace themselves as they are. When someone refuses a biscuit or cake because they are trying to 'be good' I want to shout just eat it and enjoy it! Life is too short to not eat the joyous of foods and the stuff you enjoy. Don't try to diet because diets are rubbish and make you hungry and unhappy. Any weight you loose goes back on at the end of the day. I want people to be happy no matter what their size. No one else cares how you look. I do believe everyone should move, and enjoy lovely fresh, healthy meals but don't get your knickers in a twist. Which I know isn't what I should think. My knickers were very much in a twist and they are so untwisted now. We have a couple of ladies living in the home, a few years older than me, that want to lose weight and talk about dieting and it makes me so sad. I want to tell them not to waste their lives like this. Eat the chocolate and be happy. They have other health conditions to worry about, don't let your weight be another concern. Have I surprised you? It feels like I'm saying that I'm slim now so stuff you but it's not. More like don't waste your life trying to lose weight by deprivation, like I did for 30 years.

Last night, for the summer solstice, Ellie and I did yoga on the beach as the sun came down. It was a bit windy but lovely and sunny. There was about 50 women! It was really good. We then all went for a dip in the sea. It was freezing but great lol. Back to Ellie's flat for a hot shower, red wine and darkmilk buttons! Perfect. 

And now the nights are drawing in lol. 

My age doesn't bother me, it's the side effects that do.

Celebrity

 

I'm really upset about the news that Michael Mosley has died. I think it strange that I'm so affected even though I've never met him, don't know him, he's a stranger to me except....I listen to his podcasts, watch his TV programmes and read his newspaper column. It feels like I do know him. And when Matthew Perry died I actually shed a tear! And yet I wasn't moved when George Michael, Whitney Houston or Michael Jackson died. I think the difference is that the latter three were just singers who were listened to for the odd 3 or 4 minutes at a time, but I'd watched the character Chandler Bing for a decade and he seemed like a really nice guy. Not that the singers weren't nice people but I think it's about being invested. Michael Mosley and Matthew Perry (as Chandler) lived in my house for periods longer than a couple of minutes. Also, their deaths seemed so unnecessary somehow. By all accounts Michael Mosley was so close to being able to get help. It's just so sad. 

This week I celebrated my first anniversary of my surgery. Exactly 12 months past Wednesday. And it's been a heck of a year. 5½ stones lost and feeling awesome. And I'm back in the 10 stones again which is great. 10st 12lb. If I can just do another 7lbs I'd be ecstatic. Friends on Facebook posted this photo from 2017! (See below). I remember getting upset on this trip to Austria because I felt so ugly and fat. And looking at it now I feel that disgusting feeling all over again. I hated being that size and I am truly blessed to have had surgery and lost so much weight. However, I do have peculiar thoughts about other people's weight, but I'll share that next week. 

The dress is from M&S. I've got two, both exactly the same. I saw it on This Morning and it looked nice even though the pictures on the M&S app didn't look as good. I had gift cards so decided to treat myself. Except when I ordered it I forgot about the gift cards and just paid for it with my normal card. But never fear, I ordered it again (intending to return one) with the gift cards. Both dresses arrived Thursday morning but after Mark said I looked like a Christmas tree and Ellie just said 'no!' they will both be going back! I do agree that it's not my favourite. Never mind. More money for holidays, yay. 

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we should dance.