Am I Jewish?

I was watching a TV programme the other day and a Jewish lady said being Jewish means food. That's me!

I've really not had the best of weeks. I honestly think just the thought of 'dieting' has made me eat more. I go to sleep thinking of food. I wake up thinking of food. And in the middle I just eat. I wonder with everything if I should eat it. 90% I shouldn't. 100% I still do! I'm not consciously sabotaging my diet but deep down I think I'm just going 'stuff my face' and start tomorrow...every day. Tomorrow never comes! And it's too close to Christmas. There are mince pies needing eating, with cream! What's a girl to do? It would have been nice to lose a few pounds ready to regain them but it's realistically not happening. So I'm taking my foot off the dieting, relaxing about edibles, I'll enjoy Xmas without stressing. Then in the New Year I shall smash it. New year, new job, new (well old) me!!

And the pic? That is a real genuine car insurance quote! Hilarious. Car is only worth about £4,000!!

So I wrote you a lovely long poem, all about Christmas! Hooray

Hooray, hooray, hooray
It's Christmastime again
Though no one will admit it
It's really quite a pain.

We spend weeks and weeks preparing
And spending too much cash
Just for the day itself
To pass by in a flash.

My children are all grown
And both have now left home
This means I need to decorate
The bloody tree alone.

It's really not so bad
I have a plan you see
For all the chocolate decorations
Are now all just for me!

I bake my cinnamon cookies
All day Christmas Eve
And leave one out for Santa
Of course we still believe!

The sun comes up on Christmas Day
We are giggly and excited
3 hours later, let's wake up the kids
We can no longer fight it.

Open the bubbly, pour a glass
Breakfast had begun
Time for the Hero chocolates
But I'll just have the one!

Now the kids are older
I think we're buying less
But half an hour later
It's still a friggin mess!

I'm knackered having cleared
The paper from the floor
Pass me over the Hero's
I think I'll have one more.

I love my gifts, thank you
Though some make me baffle
But never mind, I'll just donate
To the next charity raffle.

A bottle of Tweed, I have received
From my auntie Fleur
Merry Christmas great aunt Mary
I'll re-gift to you next year.

A huge gigantic turkey
I wrestle with the bird
'Help me in the kitchen'
Strange that I'm not heard.

The Christmas specials on TV
We've seen them all before
Go on pass the Hero's
I think I'll have some more.

Is anybody hungry?
Let's have something to eat
Turkey & stuffing sarnies
And open the Quality Street

The day is almost over
Just one more thing to do
Better finish the Hero's chocolates
Seems my 'only one' became a few!!

You know you're getting older, when Santa starts looking younger!