The chocolate lull

Weight today : 15st 2lb

Christmas gain : 6lbs













I still can't get used to the fact that I don't work at this time of year, I've always worked between Christmas and New Year. I'm here eating all the food instead! And its pretty much just me - no hubby and no daughter, and a son not interested in festive cheer/food. All alone plowing through double cream, single cream, whipping cream, Italian raspberry trifle (OMG - yum), baileys trifle...you get the drift? 

Please don't think that my light hearted writing means I take my weight issues with a pinch of salt, as I don't (it's usually sugar). I am deadly serious, as I hate it beyond words but I like to be a realist. This is my life and I can't put it on hold waiting to be a size 12. I was truly hoping this blog would inspire but I've missed the mark, but at least this is a true reflection of just how tough losing weight is. There are plenty of folk online making it look so easy - celebs/bloggers/vloggers. We envy their bodies and try to emulate but lets face it, most can't. All this 'clean eating' - what? teaching you how to eat spag bol without getting it all over your face and clothes? Fat free/dairy free/gluten free/carb free/sugar free/meat free why not just go the whole hog (no pun intended) and go food free? With a family of coeliacs, and my coeliac linked intolerance, gluten free is no lifestyle choice! However, I do believe that sugar is evil (and OMG so nice) and the root to my problems. 

A few weeks ago I needed some panty liners so grabbed Always Discreet (they were on offer). Discreet!?! My arse. They are like nappies they are so huge!! So big that when I wear one I get a free bikini wax thrown in. I have been glad of them this last week or so. The coughing so bad that I may leak a little lol. When my mother in law found out I was unwell she messaged me 'Relax and soil yourself'. Now I admit to the odd/regular cough peeing but I thought this was a bit much (don't you just love predictive text).

PS picture (sorry its not me - again) my Christmas present. It's great. Even counts my steps when I'm driving! 10,000 a day - no bother, I just go for a drive.

Have a fabulous Hogmanay! I'll see you next year (ha ha that's next week btw) when I'll be back on the program and ready to beat this thing!

The New Year is a new start on old habits!

Merry Christmas

This little cutie on the left is my baby (7 days old) and on Christmas Day she will be 23 years old!! And I still have Mickey & Minnie (though Mickey's hand had a small accident with a mouse a couple of years ago). Happy Birthday Gorgeous Daughter xx











I've been preparing for Christmas - a little bit like your bronze Turkey - in so much as I'm getting plumper and tanned! Christmas is a bad time for a dieter (strike) healthy eater like me. All the butchers/florists/hairdressers have tins of Roses for customers on their counters. 'Help yourself to a chocolate', so I do! 'Go on, take another for later', so I do - generally a fist full that I stuff into my pocket! That's lunch sorted. Don't be silly... they'll all be gone within 10 seconds of me being back in the car. And then of course are the specialist Festive coffees at Costa and Starbucks etc. Gingerbread latte (or 25 teaspoons of sugar latte as some like to call it) and my favourite, this year, Honeycomb Hot Chocolate!! Why have a boring 200 calorie latte when you can have a 500 calorie hot chocolate with all the trimmings? That's what I say - and yes, I know you don't agree! (mentioning no names but you know who you are big sis). 

I've been proper poorly this week, since last Wednesday to be accurate. Man flu - and boy have I not behaved well... In fact worse than a man! When the nose bleeds started I freaked! I got hubby and drag him into the bathroom with me in case I passed out through blood loss! I was a right baby lol. I sent one friend pictures of my bloody tissues, I thought she'd be impressed, but unbeknownst to me she suffers from haemophobia (yes a real phobia) and took one look at my picture, fainted, banged her head on the table, and yes... Had a nose bleed! Tee hee - just kidding! Though I'm not sure how impressed she was anyway lol. I've been very grumpy and demanding (I know!!? Not like me at all). I was so fed up and miserable on Tuesday night that I went to bed and just cried. Have you ever tried that? Really crying when your nose is completely blocked? It's really not very easy. And sobbing also does wonders for your sore head, sore face and sore throat.... Not! The only saving grace is the eating chocolate at night. Now I know what you're all thinking here, that I'm having you on, 'Gilly's-any-excuse-to-eat-chocolate', but I swear, if you have a sore throat that makes you cough at night take some chocolate, (I've done extensive research and Cadburys Giant Buttons are best) let one melt in your mouth, slowly swallow and bingo! the melted chocolate coats your throat and stops the cough. Honest it's magic (disclaimer - very bad for teeth). It might take 2 or 3 buttons but it works. Eases your throat just enough to get to sleep. You can thank me later :-) PS please don't put chocolate or any other confectionery into your mouth and just fall asleep, as you may choke. (I thought I'd better add that in case someone decided to sue).

I've learnt this week that nose bleeds don't kill you.

Happy Christmas to you all. Eat, drink and be merry - and don't count a single calorie, after all, it is only one day (um, well maybe one week..... And a bit) xx

Disappointing half year figures

I can hardly believe it but that's 6 months of blogging. A whole half year! And look how far I've got? Not exactly my plan I have to say and yet the story of my life. Planning and trying to lose weight but ultimately like pedaling in sinking sand - doing enough to not sink but not really getting anywhere. When I started this blog in June I honestly thought the humiliation of putting my wobbly bits out there would shame me into weight loss. But I kind of feel proud, going this is me, like me or lump me! But this was not my intention. I thought I'd be proud saying I've lost 2 stone and dropped 2 dress sizes. To write a blog called Gilly's Weight Loss Journey and not lose a pound is a joke. Pathetic really. So this next 6 months has got to change - otherwise I'll rename it to Gilly's Journey!

When I look in the mirror I see me but wearing a fat suit. I'm sure I should just be able to unzip it! It's hard to imagine having to carry this excess where ever I go. Like having a child on my back. No wonder my health is deteriorating. I had my eureka moment this week, but no I don't mean it suddenly dawned on me how to lose this weight - more like I jumped into the hot tub and displaced a load of water onto the floor. Spent a lovely day and night at a spa hotel with hubby and my biggest sister and brother in law. We were given robes and slippers! This always makes me nervous in case the robe doesn't go all the way around. But it did, I must have melted somewhat in the sauna. Also had an early Christmas at my mum's. The whole nine yards. Exchanged gifts (no one gave me chocolate!?!), crackers and turkey. My sisters didn't have mash potato and had just one roast. I suspect it was for health reasons ie skinny reasons but if that's their secret I'm not interested, give me the mash and I'll have theirs too!

I've learnt this week that I have just the next 6 months to put the size of my arse behind me! Ha ha, pun intended.

Inside me is a skinny girl screaming to get out, but I shut the bitch up with chocolate.

If past friends are not now in your life, it's probably for a reason!

Good news/bad news

So, the good news is that my ECG came back fine, there is nowt a matter with my heart (yeah big cheers - I'm not having a heart attack any time soon) the bad news is that I have high bloody cholesterol too! (6.7 if it means anything to you). And...drum roll...I'm not needing meds for either. Doctor says I can get them both down myself, by losing some weight! What a brilliant idea. I wish I'd thought of that. Alert Alert : Gilly to lose weight. 

I'm going out for dinner and I have nothing to wear. Now admit it everyone, we all say that when we are going out somewhere smart. And it doesn't actually mean we literally have nothing to wear, but more like 'there is nothing in my wardrobe that is new, that is classy, that makes me feel great, that makes me feel like a size 8'. Am I right? Well I literally have nothing to wear. My wardrobe looks like a charity shop - and I don't mean Oxfam, more Sue Ryder. My clothes don't fit me. At times I have clothes that are too big but currently all my clothes are too small. I have clothes in all sizes from 12 up. I have stuff that is fairly old (pretty old fashioned) that I keep only to shrink into that I will probably never wear, yet I must keep them for my remarkable makeover. I have 3 pairs of trousers and 2 dresses (really nice dresses) that still have their label on (reduced in the sale label) that I've had for years. I always tend to buy clothes that are a little bit too small because next month I'll have lost weight. Its crazy. So hence I have nothing to wear. I shall be going out with my new gorgeous shoes on...and nothing else. I hope no one notices.

This week I have learnt that the sun always comes up, and tomorrow is another day. 

When you've been broken you can rebuild yourself stronger.

I'm not laughing

So when I saw the doctor on holiday the nurse routinely took my blood pressure, and it was high, proper high - 170/120. But hey I was it the middle of being traumatised. The following day she came to our room to take another reading. It was the same. The nurse urged me to see my GP upon returning to home, which I did. The reading was the same.

I didn't really know what it meant to be honest. I didn't know anyone with high BP. I knew it was linked to heart attacks and was called 'the silent killer' and that was about it. It was a bloody shock. At first I lay in bed worrying like a worrier. I thought I could feel pains in my chest - as if just knowing about it could give me a cardiac arrest! Seriously, I was scared. My first morning of spinning class I couldn't go. What if it was too intense? What if I keeled over?

I have learnt a bit more. For instance, it is linked to snoring. So for about a year my body has been trying to tell me, very loudly, to do something about my weight! I ignored it (to be fair I didn't hear it as I was sound asleep). We've talked about it before; how being over weight can increase your risk of diabetes, cancers, heart disease but like most people I guess I really didn't think it would actually happen to me. I feel so guilty that my obesity is my fault. That I will have contributed to this ailment and maybe ailments to come.

I have family and friends who would gladly take all this extra weight from me and lose it for me. They would eat the healthy food and do the exercise because they love me. But of course they can't. Its up to me and me only. And that makes me feel ashamed.

My daughter was born almost 23 years ago. I remember so clearly holding her for the first time and feeling overwhelmed with love. How I suddenly realised how much my mum loved me, and I also realised that you would kill for your children. I promised to love and protect her forever, to do whatever I was capable of to keep her safe.And I made the same promise to my son 7 years later. But what about keeping myself safe for them? How could I do this to myself and risk so much. Do my children not deserve their mother to be happy, and healthy and slim? To live a long life to keep them protected?

At the end of the day do I love food more than my family? No. Do I hate exercise more than I love my kids? No

I apologise to everyone who loves me, who wants me healthy and happy, and I want to show you that I love you so much that I can somehow get through this and shed the layers of fat, to reveal the old Gilly who is buried and suffocating.

And fingers crossed I can do it before my heart attack. xxx

Trust me!

Current weight : 14st 12lbs
Holiday gain : 4lbs

Oh my, don't I look elegant...not!









So still a little pissed off that my lovely husband, inspite of going to bed every night with Rennie (that's not a girl btw) because he was so stuffed with food - full fried breakfast, hot dogs, pizza, burger, chips, puddings, cocktails, beer... - has put on ZERO pounds. When I weighed myself Wednesday morning I had put on 9lbs!! I guess mostly water and bloating as that figure is 5lb lighter this morning, yay..but still. Where is the justice? I think I have it figured out. So with all my yo-yo dieting my fat cells have been expanded and shrunk so many times that they are now like balloons, pour in a little extra fat, sugar, calories and out they pop like they've been there and done that (funny). Hubby has nice stable cells like footballs, pour in the extra calories and they get a little tighter but they push back, like wearing a girdle - no I have never worn a girdle but I have a good imagination!

Most of you know that I had a wee stupid incident when diving. Managed to get de-fogging soap in my eyes - and couldn't/didn't rinse for the half an hour whilst diving. Result - $900 doctor bill and very sore eyes that were swollen shut. The plus points - the doctor was gorgeous. I may have had my eyes shut but experience and a good antennae told me 'phwoar'. Bless, he even left the room when the nurse had to give me a jab in the bum, though I suspect this was more to do with it being close to dinner time and the sight of my big arse...., rather than his gentleman-ness. First night out, had to be led as I literally couldn't see. This shows great trust in my partner I believe as we didn't walk slow (this in itself is a miracle as anyone that knows me knows that I don't walk fast), no, off we marched. Not a single step, trip or bump! I must have looked scary - frightened all the kids away. Though I have to say, eating filet mignon without seeing is a pretty good experience. Enhanced the taste or something. Next night D'oh! sunglasses! A lady said I looked like a princess (think she was drunk). Not sure about princess, more like pop star - Stevie Wonder eat your heart out. No, you're right, ...more like Peters & Lee.

I have some bad news but I will leave it until next week when I know more (tissues ready - that's you - daughter & mother!)

This week I have learnt to be led by those you love and trust (Eugh pass the bucket). What I really learnt was don't put detergent into your eyes.

If life throws you lemons...drink G&Ts.

Disclaimer - it was an adult only resort.

Grenada sunshine

 weight gain : unknown but husband says lots!

This may seem like a strange photo but if you look closely you'll see the whicker pattern on the back of my legs - the reason the photo was taken lol. It amused my hubby.

Last night we were looking through all the holiday snaps thus far too select one for today's blog - nothing too boastful, nothing boring and something at least half relating to my blog - so a pic of my bum seemed perfect. We looked at a photo taken on our first night here and hubby said 'oh look, before you started eating'. Obviously I was like ' what the hell you trying to say that I've put weight on already?!'. His nonchalant reply ' saying it like it is'. I was gutted. But I know it's true in only 3 days I've ballooned. Very much reminds me when we first got the Wii fit. We all set up our Mii's mine with shoulder length brown hair and specs (that's how I looked then - likeness was uncanny). Then we stepped on the balance board to be weighed. My Mii took a good look around, confusion on her face, wiggled her bum and poof! Became a fat Mii! It was hilarious but at the same time devastating. And of course my Mii is still looking confused at her little puffed out body...I know how she feels. I too am confused.

Husband has matched me cocktail for cocktail, he's eaten until he's popped, he's chosen the fattening puddings the ice cream and chocolate cake etc. He's done the same amount of exercise - none. Has he put on weight? Has he? Has he?! No!!! Expect a weight gain of at least 8lbs people. It's poopy but it is what it is. Holiday is fantastic and I refuse to worry about lbs when I'm here. I will deal at home.

I've learnt this week that what I always suspected is actually true, I only have to look at food to put weight on! 

I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation, twice a year.

I broke a cardinal requirement

Current weight : 14st 8lbs
Weight gain this week : 1lb
Total weight loss : 3lbs














Just 2 days of not following my Jo-Jo plan and look at the damage! I had a trip to Edinburgh and it all went poo. Coffee & cake on the train, sandwich for lunch, 2 course hotel dinner, hotel breakfast, coffee & biscuits on my learning course, 2 course lunch on the course, curry & cake on the train home. So it's not so much what I ate (though there was plenty of pastry & cake) but that I broke the number 1 Jo-Jo stipulation 'Only eat when you are hungry, and stop when you are full'. Nightmare! I wasn't hungry I was greedy. That is the only word I can think of that fits with what happened. Presented with food....I ate it, Thank you very much. And now I'm sad cos I put on a lb.

OK, so I'm not 'that' sad. I is going on me holidays!! I thought you might like to see my new bikini. Nice, shame about the belly (and the thighs, and bum, and arms, and face...). So it is true. I am going away (some will say 'again') to the sunny (it bloody better be) caribbean island of Grenada. I is very excited. So I am promising you nothing. I will be drinking lots, especially cocktails - pina colada, Bob Marleys, frozen daiquiri, dirty banana etc etc. But I will try to only eat when I am hungry and to hit the gym occasionally. But I will promise you one thing, I will get straight back on to my Jo-Jo plan as soon as I get home!

And today I am booking another holiday (tee hee) skiing in January. But can you believe it?! I am NOT going!! Staying at home with teenage son preparing for his prelims. Sob....

This week I have learnt that a small hic-cup can have big consequences.

This weeks diet is next weeks body.

So far so good

Current weight : 14st 7lbs
Weight loss this week : 2lbs
Total weight loss : 4lbs
Fat : 46%
Fat loss : 0% - but it will come





OK well so far my plan is working. So if you remember I am combining 2 plans - shock, horror - on the left Joe Wicks 'Lean in 15' who is all about HIIT, carbs after exercise, less carbs when not exercising, and general healthy eating YUM. And on my right is Josie Spinardi 'How to Have your Cake and Skinny Jeans Too'. So Josie is all about (simplified) eating what you want, when you want, as long as you are actually hungry and you stop eating when you are full. Sounds a bit lame, But I honestly feel this has made the difference. I was terrified I would eat lemon meringue pie (my neighbour Mr B makes me awesome pie) with lashings of cream - but I haven't. The essential element that I can eat ANYTHING has taken away the bingeing, the eating in a cupboard, the eating standing up whilst balancing on one foot so the calories don't count. It has stopped. I've eaten less 'naughty' (that's a shame, that Frys Chocolate Cream never killed anyone (um well...maybe it did) but I don't know what else to call them but you know what I mean?) food in the past 2 weeks than I can remember. I don't feel I've sabotaged my whole weeks 'dieting' if I eat a biscuit. Anyway the two plans can both go hand in hand, to be known as, ongoing, The Jo-Jo plan (you get it? Like Yo-yo diet??)

Last week I started a spinning class. It was vile, horrible, horrendous, why are the seats so fucking uncomfortable torture, I'm never coming back its so bad! And I've been twice this week. I still think its an absolute awful class but I love it when its over. I welcome the pain in my legs as it distracts from the pain in my arse! And who the hell decided it was a good idea to squat whilst pedalling?!!! Anyhow I'm sure I'll continue. And just moan about it whenever I can.

This week I have learnt that things are happenng all around that you just can't see.

I did not fail, I succeeded in finding out what did not work.

I have a plan

Current weight 14st 9lb

Weight loss this week 2lbs














Yay 2lb loss, at last I feel on track (though 1lb of that was probably hair, as you can see I had it chopped yesterday - about 5" in the end - pic is just the first cut before the colour!) Those eagle eyed readers may have noticed that my weight loss hasn't been so great recently, if this is news to you I apologise for the shock. But I have a plan!

My brother in law has been nudging me toward Joe Wicks again with amazing weight loss videos (I think he's in Joe's back pocket nudge nudge) and hubby decided to read his Lean in 15 and now also nudges me (with a cattle prod) to Joe's ways. And then my sister gives me a book which makes a lot of sense too (more later) so hey presto! I have successfully combined them! 'Gilly's about time couldn't happen sooner weight loss (cross our fingers) successful amazing I'm a size 12 plan'. Nifty title?

My 3 year old God daughter asked me why my tummy was so big. (She didn't say 'fat', she's very diplomatic for 3 years). I thought a simple honest question deserved a simple honest answer so I told her I'd swallowed a football! Ha ha no I didn't, I told her 'A lack of energy balance most often causes overweight and obesity. Energy balance means that your energy in equals your energy out. Energy in is the amount of energy or calories you get from food and drinks. Energy out is the amount of energy your body uses for things like breathing, digesting, and being physically active' 

So this week I have learnt that there is a way forward.

Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction.

PS I told her I ate too much chocolate.

Life is a Sundae

Sorry no picture, problems uploading. Maybe just as well... It was my huge Sticky Toffee Sundae that I enjoyed the other day with my mum.

Talking of my mum, she has finally decided to read this blog! I think she thought it was going to be like some people's Facebook pages - pictures of every meal, the commute to work, morning cappuccino and daily poo (if this is you, hang your head in shame). So it made my mum cry. And not with laughter. This is not the affect I'm after! But I guess, being my mum, she can see my pain through the humour.

Now since we mentioned photos of meals on Facebook, a friend posted a pic of her lunch - a lovely salad and a measured portion of mayonnaise - but for some reason it turned me cold and sent shivers down my back. You see I've been there, done that, worn the t shirt (sizes from 12 to 18) and eaten the pie (apple with double cream). Counted every calorie, weighed and measured every morsel, written all my food intake down (and cheated thinking if it wasn't written it didn't happen!). And the thought of going back to that made me want to cry. Life just felt too short. I'm half way through (yes! I'm going to live to 100!!) and I want to enjoy it. Not shackled to my diet. So which do I choose - unhappy because I'm fat or unhappy because I'm eating salad and counting calories? Don't worry, I'm working on the alternative.

I'm away from home again. A few days with mum, a few days with my sister. And no, it's not a holiday I'm working! (Sundaes aside.) Yesterday as I succumbed to a bag of Cadbury's minis both my niece and nephew shouted in unison 'You can't eat that!' so me being clever asked 'Who says?' to which they both answered 'You - every Friday!' lol. No answer to that. 

What have I learnt this week? Sometimes life is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, but there is always a solution! Anyway... Time for that poo picture you've all been waiting for....

If you try you risk failure, it you don't you ensure it.

Sack the dieter!

Damage from Spain : 1lb 

I haven't been to my circuits class for weeks. It's not that I don't like circuits per se, as I really do, it's the getting up at 6am that I'm having real trouble with. Hubby booked us in on Sunday night - I knew I didn't want to go. Set 6am alarm on Monday night - I knew I didn't want to go. Tuesday morning being gently prodded to wake up - I knew I REALLY didn't want to go. I opened one eye (to make it clear that I was still half asleep) my husband is jumping around the room like a leprechaun! Who has that much energy at 6am? It's not normal. Anyway I feigned tiredness, sickness, bad dream syndrome (you know? when you have a nightmare that you just can't shake?) but still found myself slowly crawling out of bed. Get to circuits class and all is quiet and all is dark. It's cancelled?? Find a guy and yes!! cancelled whoop, Billy's son is sick (sorry Billy but YAY!). So as my brain is calculating how long I can nap for on the sofa before I need to get ready for work my mouth betrays me and asks said guy if he can open the gym early. What? did I really say that?

Some may have noticed my sisters FB comment that whilst I was epic at blog writing (thank you) I was shit at dieting (no one will disagree here) and she recommended a book. So I show husband the book on Amazon (I always like a second opinion). A bit of humming and harring, and he glances down, down to a bowl of dorritos. I knew exactly what he was saying, so I asked 'You're thinking I just shouldn't eat them?' 'Yes'. To him its so easy. Just don't eat it. How simple is that? Just don't eat it - the dorritos, the cake, the biscuit, the pizza, the extra slice of chicken. Simple. Uh huh. Not for me, I have a problem. That is why I'm fat. I can't just not eat it. Then my mum pipes up (she was staying as she took care of son and animals when we were away) telling hubby he should stop me drinking alcohol! ha ha ha, like he could even if he wanted to. Then son pops in and has his say - he'll plan all the meals and dad will order groceries online so I'm not tempted my any 'nice' food. He even offered to abstein from biscuits so that they were not in the house. I speak with friends and whether they are fat, or ex-fat, or thin they all have an opinion of what works. Slimming pills, food replacement drinks, slimming clubs, no carbs, no sugar, boot camps... Wow weight loss is massive (no pun intended) everyone has their views, and everyone wants to help. My family would do anything to help me, as would my friends. I thank you all but...you just can't.

What I have learnt this week is that I'm all alone. I take on board everything I'm told, read or seen but only I can make the changes. And in spite of being alone in this endeavour I'm also not alone at all. More than 50% of women in Scotland are a size 18 or larger, and I bet you nearly every single one feels exactly as I do.

Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.

Costa del pizza

So a sneaky little week away in Spain. Self catering so eating to lose weight should be easier. Fruit and salads, so far so good. Neither me nor hubby wanted to cook so we've gone down the convenience food route! ie pizza. But really good pizza.

This holiday was a cheap one. Only £99 but... And it's a big but... We had to sit through a 5 hour timeshare presentation! To be fair it was fun. They offered us 2% of a property for £22k which would give us points to go on holiday anywhere in the world for 19 years lol. I jokingly said if they reduced it to £7k they had a deal lol. Hubby looked at me and asked where was I going to get £7000! So I told him I'd sell my body to which he replied "OK but what about the other £6995!" So rude. I'm sure someone out there likes the larger look lol. I certainly have more body to offer.

We also went scuba diving. Me in a wet suit... Not a pretty look. A bit like a sausage. Dive was great. But getting out the water was another matter. Back at the shore with flippers off and ready to remove the jacket with tank attached. A wave grabs me and pushes me to the beach. Can't stand up cos the tank is sooo heavy out of the water. Wave then takes me back out to sea. I'm now on my back floundering like a turtle stuck on its shell. And so this continues. Me going back and forward on the shore. Thrashing around trying to get up but simply can't stand. Husband laughing too hard to help. Never has the term beached whale been more appropriate!

Live your life like you mean it.

Two birthdays and a tooth pulled.

Current weight : 14st 9.5lbs
Weight loss this week : 1lb
Total : zip














As you can probably guess there have been birthdays this week. My mum and my son. Tricky situations when trying to lose weight. Cake/eating out/eating in/alcohol/chocolates etc. And as you all know by now I find temptation so easy to resist....do I hell! Faced with any type of delicious but fattening food there is some small part of my brain telling me it's just not worth it, but the most part is shouting Yoohoo, give me lots of this crappy, fattening, full of calories food, and don't stop!

I don't know why I behave like this, but I know I'm not alone. This is why losing weight is so hard for so many of us. We just can't resist these foods when presented. Sometimes we don't even really want them but we are brain washed to eat them anyway. And those lovely people who don't behave this way find it very difficult to understand. Shit, I find it difficult to understand!!

So what's the cure? So many people & businesses out there making money on their promises to help us slim, thousands of books, thousands of diets, thousands of slimming clubs, thousands of supplements, pills, wraps, creams, powders, shakes, hard boiled eggs. Some help, a little, others just don't cut it. At the end of the day it is up to me, what I choose to eat, and it is a choice, albeit a difficult one most of the time.

So, that's my week (and I cracked a tooth (I was eating salad at the time, not toffee!) that had to be pulled out :-(  so not a happy bunny). Well if you'll excuse me I'm off to have lemon meringue pie for my breakfast.

You never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have.

Snorting and other noises.

Weight : 14st 10.5lbs
Lost ; 1lb from last week but gained 1lb from the start
fat : 46%














Hello, my readers have reduced to 1/4 of what they normally are last week. Is that everyone bored because after a whopping 3 months (doesn't time fly when you're having fun?) I've not actually lost weight? I'm pretty sure you could sue me under breach of contract.

I make some strange annoying noises. Sometimes when I laugh I kinda snort, my husband calls me a piggy, it does sound rather pig like. If you hear me snort when you've told me a joke then it just means I find it very funny. When I chew my jaw clicks. I'm oblivious - I think I must be used to it, but I am lead to believe from family (no one else would be so rude) that it's highly annoying. And I snore! There, I've said it. Feels like I'm at an AA meeting. Hello my name is Gilly, and I'm a snorer. I don't actually mind, more often than not I'm sleeping. But I do feel sorry for hubby. He never complains - scratch that - he rarely complains. He doesn't move to the spare bed. He doesn't let me move to the spare bed (and yes!! I do offer!) he just sticks in his ear plugs and occasionally pokes me in the side to roll over. When I was away with my daughter she ended up sleeping in the 'retreat' (a room with day beds for chilling and reading during the day). Anyway, my point to all this (apart from sharing all my annoying habits) is that I only started snoring about 2 stones ago. So, yet one more reason to give up being fat! The list is endless.

What have I learnt? That I've been blogging for 3 months about losing weight and I've gained 1lb! So from today, girls and boys, I am actually going to do it! If I can't/don't I will relinquish this story writing and get a proper job.

If at first you don't succeed, ask if he has a brother. 

In theory it's so easy!

Stats : see last week, nothing changed! I'm so shit at this, what can I say?










So I was surfing the net this week (please tell me this counts as exercise?) and I bumped into this diet quiz. Look at my score! 100% whoop whoop. I know there were only 11 questions but they were proper ones, not silly ones like 'What is healthier, a banana or a mars bar?'. So I know my theory. I'm an expert in knowing what to do, brilliant but pretty flamin' useless unless I can put it into practice. I've had a couple of long conversations with pals this week. All about what I need to do to be bikini ready. I can continue to eat healthier food but not supplement my diet with chocolate/cake/ice cream/biscuits/crisps - I'll just NOT eat them! How easy is that? Simply don't pick them up and put in my mouth. And I'll do my HIIT everyday. It takes only 20 minutes. EASY! I have a spare 20 mins everyday (I do, I really do). So what is wrong with this picture? There is nothing complicated here. There is nothing beyond my skills. It all makes perfect sense - SO WHY CAN'T I DO IT?!!

I have had a few Eeyore weeks. That cloud following me everywhere. And just when I think I've shaken it, it's back - sometimes bringing rain, sometimes thunder. My brain fails to function, it feels like its made of treacle. I know that during these periods I think differently, and just because I know this doesn't actually help to correct it. I have to sit it out (literally). And whilst I haven't managed to exercise (I've not even been to circuits - and I love circuits!) I have managed to get out of bed, get dressed, and smile and for this I am celebrating!

Anyway, talking about depression is depressing. Let's talk about.....peanut M&Ms instead.

What have I learnt this week? That I'm ready for a holiday.

I am who I am, your approval isn't needed.

Handbag gate

Weight : the same!
Fat : the same!
How I look in my undies : the same!
How do I feel : not good.














So I got up one morning, and my dog was cowering....she was telling me she'd been naughty. Ah, the evidence was quite clear, my handbag was in her bed along with lots of bits of paper. On closer inspection she had eaten 2 Fry's Chocolate Creams, a stick of Bewdley rock and (this was the bad bit) she'd eaten the birthday card I had bought for hubby. (Birthday February but it was awesome!!) It read - I love you a little bit more every single day....well, that's not strictly true because some days you really annoy me.

So I was worried that she had eaten chocolate (not good for dogs) and really upset about the card! I ran upstairs to tell my husband thinking we might have to take her to the vets, like immediately, like in our PJs! My lovely 15 year old appeared (at 7am on a Sunday!!) all tall and skinny in his PJ shorts and hair sticking up - he looked like Ken Dodd. He'd heard me shouting at Libby, wanted to know what was happening. So I'm telling them both, and oh no it wasn't 'Quick get Libby into the car' oh no! I was bombarded with 'Why did you have two Frys Chocolate Creams in your bag?!', 'Why you hiding chocolate in your bag Mum?', 'Where is the third bar if you bought a pack?'

My excuse for buying the Frys was that I needed change for parking early one morning. The pack of my favourite bars just happened to be the first thing I grabbed, obviously! I ran out the room quickly, I could hear husband telling me that that was funny...most people would grab chewing gum...

Libby never got to the vets btw - she's fine! 

What have I learnt? Well I was reminded this morning watching that early Great Britain TV (whatever it's called now) that being obese is really bad for heart disease and cancer. 40% of cancers are connected to being over weight! We all know this but it is so scary.

Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.

Part II

Current weight : 14st 11.5lbs
Gain : 2 lbs
Fat : 46%

So, where was I? oh yes...

I kept those pre-pregnancy jeans for approx 20 years determind to fit back into them. I only chucked them a year or two ago a) they were really old fashioned and I wouldn't have been seen dead in them b) they were tiny and my bum was never going to fit c) after 20 years it was pretty pathetic holding on to them like they were the holy grail.

I was always on a diet! Losing a few lbs then putting it back on. My best trick was always to start a diet on a Monday then eat as much as I could on a Sunday! I was quite good at losing weight. I have often lost a stone or two, but I excell at putting weight back on. It is my forte I believe and I would challenge anyone to be better. Lots of folk only need to smell food to put on weight, well I can do it if it is within a 500m radius. 

My most successful diet was Slimming World. Red days and Green days, I was all over it. I thought it was so ironic that it was run by 2 lovely ladies who were twice my size! How hilarious is that? I think I got down to about 11st. A size 14. I looked good, I looked good enough. I was happy. It was fine. Stayed like that for a few years I think. Then one morning I woke up and I had caught depression..

Now without getting all morbid obviously depression is nothing like that. It built up slowly, like mould, barely seen then growing behind my back until it rained down on me like nails from a gun. No longer able to ignore it, make excuses for it, think its just bad PMT. I was knocked flat! To make a long story short I ate, and ate and ate.

So that is pretty much my weight gain story. But don't forget...I do have heavy bones.

I have learnt this week that I have lost my skill at being able to lose weight. Seems I'm pretty crap at it actually. Well it will certainly make an interesting weight loss blog ha ha ha ha.

See things as they really are, but only focus on the good.

So. how did I get so fat?

Current weight : 14st 9.5lbs

Fat : 46%

Lost : nothing, nada, big fat zero (no pun intended). Anyone else bored with this figure (pun intended that time lol)











So it's not like I eat very much, and I'm careful around fattening foods but I do have a slow metabolism, and unfortuately I inherited the fat gene from my parents, oh and yes, I have heavy bones.

Uh-uh bollocks! Absolute shite. I eat far too much, I love 'fattening' foods, and don't exercise as much as I should. Is there even such a phenomina as 'slow metabolism'. To get a bit sciency my metabolism will be faster than ever as I'm carrying 5 stone extra on my back - think medium sized child. No one in my family are fat. Not just thinking about my parents or siblings, but grandparents, children, aunts and uncles. No One! I have a lovely cousin who can probably empathise with what I'm going through, though he has recently lost weight through a boot camp and looks amazing. He's even running the Great North Run next month. I'm trying to catch him up (no silly, not in the GNR race! With his great weight loss.)

So as you can see from the lovely pictures I was a normal size kid. That's me with the short skirt and long legs aged about 6. I think I went on a sponsored diet aged about 21, and if my memory serves me right I weighed 10st 2lbs! God how I wish I weighed that now (sorry, bare with me, just crying into my keyboard). I lost half a stone and raised lots of money for the local hospital - yay go me!

The next picture (wow!) I'm aged 23 and it's just a few months before I fell pregnant with my first child....

So, pregnancy! I felt sick, especially when I was hungry...so I ate....and ate. This was great, I could eat as much as I wanted and not get fat because obviously I was growing bigger, I was pregnant d'oh! But what nobody told me was as my bump got bigger so did my bum, and my thighs, and my arms, and my face...

So off we went to have my beautiful baby girl (on Christmas day!) and I had my pre pregnancy jeans ready to wear when I was discharged. My belly was a cross between bread dough and jelly so I was a little concerned that maybe they may not fasten....(Now if any mothers out there reading this can't guess what happens next quite frankly you can piss off and stop reading now, everyone else keep going cos you know what's coming). So getting my jeans fastened was no problem at all, because I couldn't get them past my knees to even try!

Come back next week to read about the next 20 years!

What have I learnt this week? Well, away on my spa break getting pummelled, scrubbed, massaged, moisturised to within an inch of my life I decided my body definitely deserved all this pampering, it serves me well, I can breathe, and think, and run (yeah yeah walk....fast). But my very next thought was that I was totally abusing this great working body, feeding it food it doesn't need and not keeping it fit and in top condition! A hanging offence.

Sometimes I pretend to me normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being me. 

Away yet again!!

Yes I'm away again. So can't weigh myself. You'd think being at a health spa it would be easy to lose weight? Alas not for me. Plenty of exercise (got 3 classes on the trot this morning) but there is plenty of food too. Mostly healthy but still too easy to over indulge.

This week I've been checking out cheating. I understand that it's possible to lose a lb by having a shit first (my hubby has no problem with this) but it didn't work for me. Then I tried weighing myself with only one foot on the scales - now this lost me half a lb! A little disappointing. Now weighing yourself upside down. Wow! I weighed nothing at all, but the scales almost slipped off my feet and broke my head. I don't recommend.

Someone told me that eating standing up negates calories. Or that if no one sees you eating it doesn't count. So taking these two pieces of advice i closed myself in the larder to scoff a bounty. It was quite nice. The darkness heightened the taste experience and I felt wicked and naughty... But I'm pretty sure that the calories went straight on my bum.

I've decided that cheating doesn't work. At the end of the day you are only cheating yourself so there really is no point.

This week I've learnt that I'm incredibly unhappy being this size.

Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.

Yellow knickers

Current weight : 14st 7.5lb
Fat : 46% - no change
Total weight loss : 2lbs

It's been tough this week. I stood on my scales every day, was disappointed every day, so felt miserable every day, and......go on, take a guess ......I wanted to stuff my face with chocolate, biscuits and cake! I resisted kinda. Last night I popped into Tesco for bread. They had iced buns reduced to 30p. I have my mum and niece staying so thought it would be nice with coffee before bed. I ate 3! One in the car on the drive home. You need never wonder why I got fat eh? 

I have a very supportive family. My son is still cooking for me. He watches everything I eat (he was not present when I scoffed the ice buns) and reminds me to do exercise! He dragged me on to the wii this week to Lets Dance! 15 mins later I was pooped. They are threatening to get me on again. How can I refuse? Great fun. Just so long as no one is videoing me. 

My daughter tells me I'm gorgeous. And no! I can not borrow her clothes when I'm slim.

When I asked my hubby if my trousers made me look fat, he told me no, your fat makes you look fat!

This week I have learnt that it is really risky to step on the scales every day. I do so at my peril.

Inside me is a slim girl screaming to get out....but I shut the bitch up with chocolate!

This is it

Current weight : 14st 8.5lb
Fat : 47% 
Total loss : 1lb + up 1% fat ??

DISCLOSURE - I HAVE NO QUALIFICATIONS IN NUTRITION OR FITNESS. THESE THOUGHTS ARE MY OWN. (I JUST READ A LOT)

I no longer believe in diets! To be 'on' a diet means that at some point you'll be 'off' a diet - and that's where it all goes wrong. We try so hard to be 'good'. We resist, and deprive, and crave the foods we really want. We are hungry and miserable. And if we manage to lose weight (which we do - unless we are starting the 'diet' on Monday) we just can't manage to keep it off. Our weight goes up and down, our food intake goes up and down, our metabolism goes up and down. No wonder our bodies are confused.

That's me! My name is Gilly and I've been a yo-yo dieter for over 20 years. To a degree I still am, look at the figures, I've lost 1lb in 7 weeks! That is so hard to write. What a complete waste of time? Well, no, not exactly - as I'm learning. And each week things get clearer. 

I believe in full fat, low sugar, low carb eating. I eat carbs after exercise (HIIT of course). I believe good home made food is the answer. Plenty salad, veg, fruit, lean meat & fish. I believe food should taste delicious - if it doesn't don't eat it. Eating bland yukky food will only encourage you to eat something more, and more until you finally eat that one thing you've really wanted all this time. Cut out the middle man. Eat lots of food that is good for you and really hold back on the stuff that's not good for you. I don't need to list them - we all know what they are. But hey, don't listen to me - I've only managed to lose 1lb in 7 weeks.

This week I've learnt that I need to try harder to be the healthy, confident person that is around somewhere.

You can't live a positive life with a negative mind.

Two in one day!

Current weight : 14st 9.5lbs
Fat : Oops forgot!
Loss : well...1lb from last week but zero in total! I weigh the same as week one.

This isn't going as well as I had anticipated. By now I had envisioned a photo in my knickers and everyone telling me 'Blimey, you can really see you've lost weight'. Phah. Didn't even bother with the knicker shot this morning (if you want to perv you'll have to see week one - trust me, that's how I look today!!) Instead that's me this morning after 15 mins of HIIT (yeah yeah OK, I managed 11 mins - but look at me, hot sweaty and pretty knackered). I'm being far too honest here. Let me try again...the photo is me this morning after 20 mins of HIIT.

My (self appointed) PT was waking me at 7am this morning, and was going to do the timings for me - yep, he's still in bed now! I think I should sack him. I am of course talking about my 15 year old son. He is so supportive. He questions every mouthful of wine (do I really want those empty calories? Normally I say yes). He happily eats all the healthy meals I make, and he encourages me to exercise (then he sleeps in). Bless, he's doing a great job. I borrowed Lean in 15 by Joe Wicks from a friend. His food philosophy is like mine and the recipes are great (none of that stupid ingredients - you know, the stuff you have to get from health food shops and not your supermarket). I decided to buy the book - my son thought he should read it first to make sure it was suitable and I wasn't wasting my money, lol. He read from front to back, nodding at the meals he wanted to try, and gave me full approval to purchase! Said 15 year old has no nutritional qualifications. Exercise for him is running downstairs every 30 mins for food!

Monday I had 2 frappes!! They are evil and should be banned!!

I was going to talk about my ethos, but as usual I got sidetracked - next week!

A goal without action is just a dream.

It's bad!

Current weight : 14st 10.5lbs
Fat : 45%

Yikes, well that's the damage of my holiday. I weigh more today than I did when I started. I'm wondering if I need to change my ethos of holidays? I thought I would cheer us all up with a photo of my puppy when she was 8 weeks old...it's her birthday on Wednesday and she'll be 2 years. Now don't we all feel better? (no, not really, gutted). We can't change the past so lets just move forward and start again!!

So, focus - Motivation. Obviously my real goal is to lose weight, but if I'm motivated to do that then it will wane. Once I've lost, say, 3st I'll feel better, look better and the fact I'm 2st away from target won't feel so important (or desperate) as it is today. Once I get to target then I will have no motivation to lose weight as I'll have none to lose and then we all know what will happen  ;-0

Therefore my motivation must be on my need/desire to be fit and healthly, and weight loss will be a by product. Even at target I will still want to be healthy as that never stops. Now telling my head this is another thing. I'm absorbed with the idea of wearing size 12 jeans!! No Gilly! You want to be fit and be able to climb bloody Bennachie without swearing and being puce and stopping every 10 steps and quite frankly looking like I'm having a heart attack!! So that's my new goal - and I'll be wearing size 12 jeans when I do it.

This week I have learnt that I have an unhealthy addiction to McDonalds Caramel Frappes. They are lush! But I must stop (or at least cut down - daily is excessive lol)

It is always sunny above the clouds.

We're all going on a summer holiday.

The photo on this blog has been removed for health & safety reasons. If I ever saw it on my facebook page again I was liable to kill someone.





Oh my goodness that is a totally tragic photo! Folk tell me I'm brave posting pics in my underwear, I think I'm brave posting this one. I look bloody awful! Give me a knicker shot any day.

So we're away on holiday. No scales available so no weight measured. You'll have to wait until next week to see the damage. And yes I'm pretty confident that damage has been done. I'm on holiday... Do I want to be watching what I eat? No! I want my holiday to be an excuse to tuck in. Afternoon coffee, would you like a slice of cake with that? Yes please. Bailey's as a night cap? Be rude not to. Hot tub with or without prosecco? Don't ask silly questions. Chocolate with our evening coffee? Yeah it's a family tradition!! But is it really worth it? I can easily put on 7lbs in a week and I'm not kidding it's a skill of mine. And that would take me a few weeks to get rid of. And if this was my only annual holiday I'd say it is so worth it. You save hard and look forward to getting away all year who wants to refuse that slice of cake? But of course, if you know me you'll know I Ihave a few holidays. I spend my weeks trying to lose my excess holiday lbs just in time to go away again and put them all on again. Hence I go round in circles. Weight on, weight off, weight on, weight off! Something needs to change... Maybe my next holiday things will be more appropriate to losing weight lol. Don't hold your breathe.

However I must declare that we have walked..a lot. See exhibit A above. 9 mile walk around the reservoir. First 3 miles OK, on a path right next to the water. But then for the next 3 miles we were off piste. Through fields, long grass, through forests, more long grass this time in a bog. Very muddy and wet and horrible. Over a stream.... it was almost through a stream! The bridge was a telegraph pole lol. Back into fields and finally on a road. Last 3 miles following the track back to the water was tough. As you can see I was hot, knackered and fed up! But my God the hot tub felt fab.

I've learnt this week? Yep step on the tufts of grass in a bog!

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

Wheat Belly

Current weight : 14st 6lb
Fat : 46%

This week : gained 0.5lb 
Fat : gained 1%

Total weight loss : 3.5lb
Fat : a big fat zero (forgive the pun)










Oh dear, it was bound to happen, just disappointing it was quite so soon! But we will not dwell. Last week has gone, we can not change it, we can only move forward. I have just one thing to say in my defence 'PMT'!! (I know, excuses, excuses - but chocolate screams for me all day, hard to ignore).

I thought it was time to introduce you to my Wheat Baby. Picture on left was 2 weeks ago, Picture on right is this morning, after eating something containing wheat. Can you spot the subtle difference? about 2 months gestation? I think my belly is about 7 months pregnant. Alas (or more correctly - Thank God) no real baby. 

About 15 years ago I was suffering with really bad IBS symptons - diarrhoea (yes I can spell it!) bad, bad tummy cramps, bloating (can you tell?) and very smelly bottom burps (my mother in law reads this so I won't use the F word (no, not fuck I'll happily use that, and the other F word, Fat, most definitely use that word!) I will refrain from saying f**t.) At the same time I read an article that stated you can suddenly start developing intolerances to certain food at any age. My sister had just spent a month following The Carol Vorderman Detox, and she suggested I do the same. So I did! I laugh now but at the time (remember - 15 years ago!) it was seriously radical - no meat, no fish, no wheat, no diary, no sugar, no alcohol, no tea/coffee! I thought it didn't leave much - fruit, veg, pulses, beans, rice, oats. I was slightly mocked by a few pals but I managed and I felt fantastic!! Of course this extreme way of eating is now common place, clean eating, advocated all over the web and in recipe books, and used by all. Anyhow, I slowly introduced the 'no no' food groups and yes my bottom burps returned. I went to see my GP, who was fantastic, gave me a blood test and declared I had a wheat intolerance. I cut out wheat - I felt great. I ate wheat - I felt like shit, the tummy pains were the worst symptoms. Often on the floor in pain. Of course, this begs the question 'Why the hell did I ever eat it?'. Yeah well thats just me. Self sabourtage Gilly! 

Today I do eat wheat (in moderation) no longer get the pains, or smelly bottom burps, just (as is obvious to even the untrained eye) bloating. Now where are the biscuits....?


This week I learnt that eating too much chocolate will hinder my weight loss. Hahahahaha

Friendship is when someone knows all about you, but likes you anyhow.