Blink and it's gone

Well another Christmas is over. In a flash. I hope you all had a great time. We did here thank you. Santa was nice.

The good news is that (believe it or not) I only put on one tiny little pound!! I know! Amazing. But hey... Still that's an extra pound I've got to lose to get to target. I've been trying to lose weight for so long I'm not even sure if I can remember what my target is! In fact, sod the target let's just lose some bloody weight!

Only a few days of 2018 left. Time to make New Year's resolutions. I guess it's the same ones as last year and the year before that - no smoking, no drinking, no eating, no slothing, no sitting on my bum for more than 10 mins, no recreational drugs. I suspect some of these will be easier to keep than others - I've never done a recreational drug in my life so that one will be in the bag!

Now when to start losing weight? Today - I have a lot of Christmas chocolate to get through! I'm thinking New Year. A proper (drum rolling, trumpet blowing) new beginning! 2019 will be my year.

I'm not sure about the future of this blog. My loyal core readers are still hanging in there (I thank you so much). I love to write but essentially I also want it be read by the millions. My numbers have fallen from 250-300 a week to about 50! Sad face! I'm blaming Facebook but maybe it's just gotten boring!? Let's face it - if you read it hoping to see a weight loss I understand you'll be disappointed quickly. Lol. Anyway, we'll see. I'll probably write until I'm left with one keen reader!!

Have a fantastic New Year. Let 2018 go out with a bang! Don't worry about what's gone wrong this year. Take a tip from Frozen and 'Let it Go'. Wednesday is a brand new year to try all over again.

No one can go back to make a new start but we can all change and make a new ending!

What's wrong with the coconut one?

Hi everyone. How are you? I'm good thanks. Looking forward to the big day - the day I'm a size 12!

We had a quick trip to Newcastle last weekend. It was a flash visit but really great. Of course, as you can imagine, talking to family/friends that I've not seen for awhile, and they've read my blog, the topic often got round to my weight. It never ceases to amaze me all the different kinds of dieting advice out there. Everyone had something to say and I have to remark that opinions were strong. I very much enjoy talking about weight loss. I like to listen to everybody's advice - and then I'll do my own thing. I suppose everyone is unique and what works for one might not work for another. I've also noticed that you can't push me into losing weight or make me do it your way. In fact if I even think that you disapprove of me eating a chocolate then I will eat 2 just to make a point. My mum has already told me that she doesn't approve of my mantra '2 stones in 12 months' and has told me that's not enough. Of course she says these things out of love. She wants me healthy and she's trying to encourage me and give me support but my psyche might just revolt.

My dad told me a story (I apologise if I've told you already). In 1976 he smoked 20 cigarettes a day. One day he had a sore throat so didn't have a cigarette on the drive to work instead waiting until he arrived. He arrived and decided not to have one until break. At break he was busy so didn't have one. Neither at lunch. And he went all day without smoking. The next day it was the same. He never decided to stop smoking he just kept putting off smoking one. This has continued for over 40 years and he still hasn't had that cigarette. For me this translates to not thinking about actually wanting to lose weight or to go on a diet but just to not have that biscuit/chocolate bar/cake now but to wait until later, then later still. Don't know if it'll work or if I'll even remember but I will try to incorporate it into my weight loss plan just in case.

I hope you all have a great Christmas and I'll speak to you next week. Thank you for continuing to read.

Don't keep the keys to your happiness in someone else's pocket!

Christmas is a coming

So I've had an extra boring week I'm afraid. The Christmas chocolates have been attacked. The biscuits have arrived in the office. And the Bailey's has been poured at home. (If you have yet to try the vanilla & cinnamon Bailey's, I urge you to partake! It's yum. Christmas in a glass). Trying to have a fast day has been at the back of my mind - and that is where I have left it, safely stored at the back.

I flashed my hubby the other day. No not my boobs, just my belly. He laughed and told me he knew what my next tattoo should be... You guessed it.... The face of the space hopper! On my rotund belly!! How rude of him, comparing my lovely tummy to a big round orange ball. Of course he wasn't wrong. It does describe it to a T - but still, can you imagine his cheek in actually saying it. Some things should only be thought not said. Like the time I thought his bum was looking a big saggy! I thought it but didn't tell him!! Oh, hold on, nope I did tell him! Ha ha ha

When we next speak I will be a lady of leisure. Anyone free for coffee? This could be great if I use the time constructively and go to the gym. But I suspect I'll probably sit on the sofa and eat cake! I'm so going to have pull my socks up. It is a disaster with my name on in.

I need a mantra. '2 stones in 12 months. 2 stones in 12 months. 2 stones in 12 months!' There, that'll sort it.

Go ahead, judge me! But just remember to be perfect the rest of your life.

Anti-climax

So this week wasn't quite what was planned. I'd booked a few days off work to have the balloon fitted, which as you know didn't happen. I finish work in 2 weeks so I kept the leave. This is the first time I've taken holiday and been at home. All my leave is uaually taken up by going away. I must admit I've had a ball. It's been so cool.

Ok it started by doing my self assessment tax...eugh! But good to get it done. It also involved pizza (see left), putting up the Christmas decorations, wrapping presents, seeing friends, going to the cinema (Ralph Breaks the Internet - all old people should see this movie, it explained the internet in a way even I understood), and a little bit of chocolate and gin!

Now I'm going to be honest. I really want to go to bed, take a magic pill, and wake up 6 stones lighter!! Anything else is just ball-ache! So second best is losing 5 stones over a year. And, yes, I know that's pretty unrealistic too but I have to tell you that is what I want. Now the sensible Gilly understands that even losing 4 stones over 4 years is so much better than not losing any weight but I really do find it hard to swallow. Sensible doesn't really fit in my vocabulary. I want to lose weight and I want to lose it now!!! Goddamnit!

Now I have kind of started the 5-2 again. Had my first fast day on Monday and my second will be today. Obviously it's so close to 'eating and drinking for a month until you pop' aka Christmas, that I'm not really trying to actually lose weight (that will be in January - obvs) but more a kind of just keeping things in check so that I'm not eating and drinking for a month popping!!

I may sound blasé but I'm truly not. Come 2019 my butt will be on fire!

Notice the people who make an effort to stay in your life.

A difficult decision

This was very hard for me but I've decided the gastric balloon is not for me at this time. On Wednesday I went to see the dietician and she was candid and very helpful. Indeed the average weight loss (for my size) is 2 stones. Some can do a bit more some can do less. I just feel that having this procedure, having a balloon in my belly for a year and the cost just wasn't worth it. If I only lost 2 stones and then had 3 more to lose after the balloon is removed, I know I would really struggle to get my head around it. After all I can lose 2 stones myself in a year - I really believe I can. What I can't do is lose 5 stones but the balloon won't do that for me either! So now I need to prove to myself (and you guys) that I actually can. I'm feeling a bit deflated (pun intended).

Talking of balloons - that's me, in the picture. Or at least what I see when I look in the mirror. A big round face with pokey eyes lol. Has anyone got a pin?

My job is ending at the end of December. It was a fixed contract so it's just how things go. I'm hoping to have something in the pipeline so I'll keep you posted!

So I'll be going back to basics. Posting my stats. And a photo (maybe monthly). Back to the 5-2 plan but I will be enjoying Christmas too. Life is for living! You can feel bad about your past but why? it's done and dusted, it's gone. No point worrying about your future, it's not happened yet. Please just live for today as it's the only thing that's real.

Dear Santa. I've been good this year. Most of the time. Well some of the time. Oh don't bother, I'll buy my own presents.

Ooh nearly forgot to tell you... My holiday half a stone that I lost last week being ill has stayed off! Yay. I'm back to my svelte 15 stone!! Ha ha. Hey, if any one has a spare tummy bug to give me that's obviously the way to go. A dozen sickness bugs and I'll be sorted. Boom!

Oh the irony

So after our lovely little chat about poo last week it has completely dominated my life this week! It started on Sunday after I'd eaten this rather lovely roast dinner (I was so pleased with myself because since I've been all alone (sob sob) I tend not to cook for myself and eat bowls of cereal instead (sush, don't tell my husband or children)) and within 30 minutes I was in agony (no! Nothing wrong with my cooking, cheeky cow). I spent an hour on the loo and the sweat was pouring from me (like a fat man in a sauna). I then spent another hour lying naked on the cold tiles of the downstairs toilet* (I kid you not). So I went through most types of poop (see chart last week) but mainly types 6 & 7 (chocolate mousse & chocolate milkshake). This went on all night. I went to work on Monday only to be frog marched out of the building by security wearing hazmats! Tuesday I had to go for a pre-assessment for my procedure (more about that later). It was a thought driving 30+ miles, and I planned toilet stops for the whole journey - luckily I needed none! I wanted to get there early as parking is a nightmare. I got there 10 mins early, so not great but do-able. Waited patiently for a space. Spotted a women go to her car, so I reversed to be next to space, indicator on, just started pulling in when a dick tried to get in behind me. I was in no mood for this and words were exchanged (yes, lots of swearing) but I won. Idiot!!!

So, my pre-assessment? She asked me general health questions, one being 'have you had sickness or diarrhoea recently' to which I replied 'yes, right now in fact'. Well this flumoxed her - first time someone had said yes ha ha ha. Anyway we have put a sample to the lab. She also did an ECG 'very nice' said the doctor, and she took bloods (this is another story but I think I've written enough this week).

This gastric balloon? Something is bothering me (and not just the initial vomiting as my body tries desperately to get rid of it) but the expected weight loss. From what they've said thus far is that I'm probably going to lose 15% of my weight, within this 12 month period and most of that will be in the first 3-4 months. That's 2 stones! Nothing wrong with 2 stones per se but I need to lose 5 stones! Now I know me, if I go through a year of having this thing in me I need to lose more like 4 stone. They'll remove it, and I'll be hungry and go 'bloody Nora I now need to lose another 3 stone, by myself! I'll be pissed and it'll all go pear shaped (and not just my bum). I don't understand!! If I can lose 2 stones in the first few months why do I not continue to lose weight for the next 8? If I'm restricted in how much I eat, eat healthy and on reduced calories!!? Why can't I lose more? Let's face it I could lose 2 stones myself in a year. My problem is that I need to lose 5 stones! This feels like a mountain and I get disheartened. Anyway, I see the dietician next week and I will be finding out for sure. If I can lose say 4 stones then let's do it. 2 stones? I don't think it's a good idea. I'll let you know.

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

* My dog normally escorts me to the loo but she must have known something wasn't right. She sat outside the door the whole time. She popped her head around the door a few times, as if to say 'You ok? I'm here if you need me'. Aw bless her!

P.S. a plus point of a tummy bug is that I've lost the 7lb holiday gain! Whoop!!

Poo

Now if you're of a delicate disposition I don't suggest you read this while eating.

If you think shit is a swear word you might want to stop now.

I think it's time we talked about poo (faeces, crap, stools etc). Now I think some of you would say that I'm always talking crap anyway but hey ho! You might be wondering what poop has to do with my blog but you must all remember Gillian McKeith! Your poo says an awful lot about your diet! A healthy diet would produce type 3 or 4 poo. I'd say I'm more a 5. Hubby says I poo rabbit droppings. What will happen when I'm eating rabbit food then? Will I poo mouse droppings? To get a 3 or 4 you need to eat good food with plenty of fibre (who's old enough to remember it being roughage??) And plenty liquid. I'm not a great drinker (wine yes, water no). Sometimes I do have a sausage and I must say I get very excited! So much so I tell hubby exactly what I've done. I offer to show him - but he declines! A number 4 makes you feel lighter, it's a great feeling. Sometimes I pass a malteser which is unpleasant and quite frankly I don't understand how your colon can make something that gets stuck at the end of the journey! Why does it do that??

As you all probably know I always put weight on when on holiday (usually half a stone). This holiday I was trying to keep things within reason. My jeans still zipped when I dressed to come home! I believed that a miracle had happened and the usual gain had not taken place. Morning after I got home I stepped on the scales... And you'll never guess?.... I'd put on half a stone! So that was me 15st 6lbs! A new Gilly record! I can't even try to tell you how I felt. Not especially surprised but gutted that I'd hit a new high! What the hell is wrong with me? It must and will come to an end!

Count down to balloon...18 days!

If pooping is a call of nature, does farting mean a missed call?

More holidays than Thomas Cook...

...Or so I'm told. Another holiday over but had a fab time. I won't bore you with details but the highlight of the trip was diving one morning and we were joined by a pod of dolphins. They came for a good nose and swam very close. It was truly amazing.

Obviously I've spent a lot of time thinking about the balloon. In so much as I'm wondering if I'll be a lot slimmer next year and wearing a whole load of new bikinis and dresses. About whether I'll manage a starter at dinner and that'll be me full. What about all the yummy cocktails that I drink - will I knock them on the head and stick to water (don't be silly... At least one or two cocktails will stay). How will diving feel with a water balloon bobbing around inside my tummy? So many questions. I'll tell you next year if any of them interest you.

The greatest thing about the holiday is that I'm not the only fat lass. There are plenty even bigger. And whilst I don't rejoice in my size it does make me feel a little better. But you want to know the weird thing? The thought of a balloon severely restricting my eating for a year seems ok with me and yet the thought of just trying to diet for 12 months instead fills me with dread. What's that all about then?

I requested the latest copy of Heart Matters magazine from the British heart foundation. It came the other day so I brought it here with me! Whilst everyone else is tucking into Grazia I'm reading all about the heart... Except it's not really. It's great! Loads of stuff about healthy eating and preventing Alzheimer's, and great recipes!! Who needs ladies monthlies? (God if that's periods not me!) In fact I've subscribed to Good Housekeeping for years. Just cancelled my membership, got a bit samey. Is that my blog? My readers have dropped massively last 2 weeks! Am I too samey or is it Facebook?? Let me know if I'm boring you. Balloons not for everyone.

Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.

confused.com

It's amazing how you can bond with a stranger over a hairy fairy (getting a bikini wax). The beautician was just like me... She bought clothes in a size (or sizes) too small because she'll 'shrink' into them. She said she ate when she didn't need to. Lost weight just in time to put it all on again!! The same old, same old that so many of us share lol. By the time she finished my nails (see left) she was away to tell her hubby she wanted to go to Sandals in the Caribbean, she wanted to go diving and she wants a gastric balloon!!

So? My balloon? I've seen the consultant who was very candid. The balloon is in for 12 months, I could lose 15% of my weight, most of the weight loss is in the first 3-4 months, I will be very nauseous for the first couple of days, I will be heavily sedated during the endoscopy, I will see a dietitian regularly and for at least 6 months after balloon is removed, I can fly, ski and dive, there is a big risk of re-gaining weight unless I learn the skills when the balloon is in, and in the unlikely event that the balloon ruptures I will pee bright green!

It's a very difficult decision and I've been chatting to loved ones. Everyone has my best interest at heart and it's good to talk. I wish I could do this myself but the truth is I can't. I've read every book, watched every TV programme and listen to all the 'experts' and if I could have done it I would have done it already. I need this kick. I have no idea how I'll get on. I have no idea if or how much weight I will lose. I have no idea what will happen once it's removed! But I'm going to try.

Life is like a balloon. If you never let yourself go you will never know how far you can rise.

I would like to thank everyone who sent me kind wishes and thank you all for your concern. Don't worry - I'll keep you posted. Be ready for my knicker shots to return ha ha ha

Mammoth decision

Please don't take offence! It's just funny. (Left)

So everyone, I need to tell you something. I've made a huge decision. I'm seeing a surgeon next week about having a gastric balloon. I'm still in shock and I never thought I would go down this road. To be honest I thought I wasn't fat enough - and, being candid, I'm probably not for gastric surgery eg a band or bypass or sleeve. But this is different. Designed for people like me with a BMI of between 30-40. It's a kick start. It's non invasive (done by an endoscopy - which I've had before and absolutely hated). And it's usually left for 6 months. The idea is that it fills your tummy so you eat less. You learn to eat moderately, healthily and lose weight so that you want to keep it off.

Now I know you are only concerned about me but I would really appreciate no negative comments! Please keep them to yourself. I don't want to know about your brother-in-laws cousin's Aunt who had one and it burst and she spoke like Donald Duck for a month! (It's filled with saline not helium!). I will be speaking to an expert and I need to make my decision myself. Hubby is behind me and thinks it's a bargain (it's not) and he'll save that money in food I'd have eaten in 6 months lol.

I do feel like I'm cheating. Which is silly because it's just giving me a leg up. What's the difference in going to a slimming club every week and paying £5 for the privilege? I'm desperate. I'm unhappy. I'm already on meds for related conditions. I don't want to wait until I'm diabetic or have a heart attack. If this works and helps me get to target - then hallelujah!!

If anyone has actually done this themselves feel free to give me feedback/advice/support. But please all wish me luck. I'll let you know how I get on and what my final decision is next week. Thank you

Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

Unzip the fat

So I've been this size for 4 years now. Which, when you consider I'm practically 50, isn't that long. I look in the mirror and I still don't recognise myself! Who the hell is that fat wifey in my bathroom?! I honestly feel like I'm wearing a fat suit like Gwyneth Paltrow in that movie (you know? The one where she's wearing a fat suit). But mine doesn't unzip at the end of the day. The ironic thing is that I grew this extra blubber when I was dealing with depression and eating for comfort. Now the blubber makes me feel miserable - so I'm eating for comfort! Argh! Save me!

My first ever diet was 30 years ago. I think I was about 20. (I wasn't a mum and I don't think I was married). I was 10st 2lbs (positively skinny) and I went on a sponsored slim. (Yes I was raising money even then). I got down to 9st 7lb (wow!) and gave the money to a local hospital. My god how I wish I was that tubby (in my 20 year old head) 10st 2lb lass! Gone forever!!

The British Heart Foundation has loads of info on their website. I was checking my BMI - a slider up for your height and a slider along for your weight. The lovely red animated woman grows as the slider goes along! That's what I ended up as (see pic above). That horrible, if truthful, image of my body. It's yuk! I don't like it! It's not nice and it makes me unhappy. Now where did I put that box of chocolates - I need comfort!!!

If anyone knows where I can get a lobotomy please let me know! It's my head that's broken not my body. The body is just a bi--product. If I can fix my head the body will follow!

Sometimes I shock myself at the clever things I say and do. Other times I try getting out of the car with the seat belt on!

Sorry for delay

I'm here. Sorry for yesterday but better late than never... So they tell me!

And this is my new tattoo. Do you like it? I was a brave little piglet! To be honest it was actually fine. Kim at KB Tattoos was great, she distracts you with chat. I think she's done a fantastic job! And I raised £355 for Alzheimer's which is even better.

I can't go into detail but I've had a really tough week at work. I'd like to say I'm glad it's over but I'm not sure it is. The people that I help can be diverse and sometimes it can be pretty stressful. But I just do the best that I can, within my powers. Sometimes I'm proud and excell as my powers are greater than I imagine. Thank goodness I have the ability to leave work at the door - most of the time at least.

I was thinking (no cheeky comments please) but do other people's issues diminish your own? We all know the saying 'there are people worse off'. If you lose a leg I imagine you don't feel better because someone else lost two! And I know for a fact that I don't feel any better being fat because there are others (plenty of) who are fattter! It is true that I think too much sometimes. It can be my downfall.

Good news? I lost 2cms from my waist this week! No idea how?? But a loss is a loss and I'll take it thank you very much!

My post script this week was tagged to me on Facebook so you may have seen it - but it's pertinent at the moment so I wanted to share -

Your good deeds might seem invisible but they leave a trail that is imprinted on the hearts of others.

No longer a baby

So my little boy was 18 at the weekend! We all had a trip to Inverness to see him. His grandma made the fabulous cake, Isaac with our giant sized Labrador. We had a really good meal and it was lovely to see him again (4 weeks for a mum is a long time!)

What do you do when you just can't seem to get back into the losing weight game? You make everyone else do it with you of course. I've recruited most of the ladies at work to join in to my waist loss challenge (I'm not being sexist here - there is pretty much only one guy who works in my office, and his waist is tiny! Though I did ask if he wanted to join in but  to try to gain weight instead lol. He declined). So we are going by waist measurement - I measured in cms as it's easier to lose 1 cm than 1 inch!! Anything over 80cm is bad but anything over 88cms is really bad. My waist was 103cms. Anyway let's see how it goes. Although watching the amount of chocolates and sweets being eaten it's not going well for any of us.

My mate (which one? - bestie at work one) tagged me on Facebook challenging me to respond within 1 minute (1 minute!!!) or I have to do sober October!! So I thought sod you...I can be sober in October, no problem! And then she invites me to hers for a night of drinking tonight. Who does that? Who? Who would do that?? No bestie of mine that's for sure. But I shouldn't have worried because I actually only managed one day of no alcohol. Come 2nd October I got home from a stressful day and went straight for the bottle! Yes mum - I'm back on the drink again!! Sorry

So my plan? I want to stick to 1600 calories, walk 10000 steps, make the calories count (more health less chocolate) and have one fasting day each week. So far? I've got one day of my step target under my belt but not had a great week of counting calories (oops). Gilly must try hard!

I rescued some wine - it was trapped in a bottle!

My tattoo

BEWARE - CONTAINS SWEAR WORDS!

So this is the winning tattoo. It's even more pertinent because it was my mum's design. Well... She said 'A tattoo of a poppy!'. I originally found a very simple design but then I found this one and loved it. It will always remind me of my mum. In the end I had 8 designs sent. Some of my donators didn't want the responsibility of giving me a tattoo - which I respect. They all went into a bag and my colleague pulled the poppy out. Thank you so much to everyone that donated. I raised £355! Not too shabby.

So what is my new ailment this week? Well I shall tell you... Shin splints! Now you may be surprised. I am. And you may laugh. I didn't! Basically it's associated with running and let's say (simply) I don't run! Ever! Not even a bath, since last winter anyhow. But that's what it feels like - a pain in my shin. And yes! I do know what they feel like. I once ran. Not once like I only ran once but once like one period of running. Years and years ago. I did the 5k Race for Life. I trained and everything. And got shin splints. Look them up on the NHS site and guess what causes it (apart from running) go on... You'll never guess. Drum roll please.... Being overweight! Bloody beggars belief! Of... fucking...  course! What else??

I've made a profound decision. I am going to lose weight! I know? Who'd have believed it! Not got a firm plan but I'll give you all the details next week. Diets always start on a Monday - it's the law. I've been farting about too long. It's now or never. I just wish I didn't like food so much. It's a real ball ache! Never mind, I will have a plan - soon!

People with tattoos are more fun to see naked!

Forrest who?

So if life is like a box chocolates I've just eaten the Turkish delight! Yeugh!

My friend messaged me to ask why I was feeling so glum (I can tell you're dying to know which friend... I'll tell you then... My friend from birth). So I bent her ear about my son, my dog, my job, bereavements... And yet failed to mention the one thing that is really making me miserable. And just in case you can't guess - my fat. Oh my lord! I just hate. And it truly makes me feel shit.

I've been to the hairdresser's - come out with gorgeous, shiny, flowing locks. All good you guess? No! I've just spent 2½ hours looking at myself in a mirror. My pixie eyes and round round face and then all the chin fat!!! Yuck. No wonder I'm down on myself. (Violins please).

When I was sharing a room with my daughter the other weekend she said that when I was sleeping my breathing kept stopping! Great! Let's just add sleep apnea to the list. On the plus side (and I don't mean my left buttock) I couldn't lose weight for vanity, or for my blood pressure, or for my snoring or my prolapse - let's see if I can lose weight for sleep apnea! Don't hold your breathe - ha ha ha ha pun intended.

On Facebook yesterday an ex colleague announced she'd got her 5 stone lost award from Slimmers World!! 5 stone is amazing! 5 stone is what I need to lose! I'm delighted for her but I'm gutted for me. That should be me. It needs to be me. Hopefully her achievement will help spur me on. She's at least proved that 5 stone can be done!! A huge well done! (Bitch)

Of course for all this moaning we all know I lead a charmed life. I don't like the Turkish delight but I certainly like all the others. In fact if I hadn't hoovered down the rest of the box I probably wouldn't be in this position!

Exercise is a dirty word - every time I mention it I wash my mouth out with chocolate!

Philosophical

So I was away for a long weekend with a couple of colleagues and my daughter. A lodge amongst trees. If you saw the amount of alcohol and snacks we bought you'd realise that healthy eating was the furthest thing from my mind! Pizza, crisps, chocolates.... Great lol

We talked about friendship - I think it was the transition of colleague to friend (it's very bonding sitting in a hot tub for 8 hours, and truth or dare is very enlightening - see left). It has been known for me to be deep and philosophical. I've really been analysing what friendship actually is. I'm proud to say that I do have lots of friends  - in all shapes and sizes (not the size of the person more the shape of friendship we have). My oldest friend I have known since birth (well we were born 5 days apart in the same hospital... And yes, I'm the eldest) and we've always been friends. (GoodGrief almost 50 years now). Over the years it's been sporadic, sometimes just birthday and Christmas cards with probably years between seeing each other. Since we were 4 years old we've lived mostly 250+ miles apart. As we get older we get closer.
I have mates from school, so that's nearly 40 years! We've shared a lot and one of them has more texts in my phone than the other but that's ok.
Then friends from work - all my jobs, RBS (35 years), Bayview (18 years) and B&Q (10 years) and of course my work now!
Some friends come into your life and you think they'll stay forever. You do everything together but then for no real reason you drift apart. Maybe one of you moves or changes jobs. Sometimes you lose contact and never see them again. I must tell you that I've never fallen out of a friendship (though disagreements may have happened - well, with one particular friend (no names) who will know who she is! Ha ha ha - we're still mates). It's sad when a friendship changes and becomes something less. No fault, just life.
I worry that I expect too much. I'm disappointed if things don't pan as I think it will. For instance I think I know the friends that will remember my birthday, those that might forget and those that don't have a clue. If I get this wrong I'll feel hurt (this is a bad example because I'm crap at remembering anything including birthdays). A better example is this blog. Some people close to me don't read it (I know?! Look what they're missing) and that not only disappointed me but upsets me. But do I have a right to be disappointed and upset? I that my failing? But hey, their loss lol. I can say that because they're not reading this!
 I try to be a good friend - please don't queue to let me know how I've disappointed you. I'm sure I can be a shit sometimes - no one is perfect.
I have sisters who would do anything for me (do they count as friends?). Great neighbours, great colleagues, great children (now they are grown can I include them?) 400+ Facebook friends ha ha ha
In conclusion I cherish friendships and I try not to take you for granted. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes and if I've ever hurt you I'm so sorry. You're important to me and  I'll do my best to keep in touch if we drift. I can't promise I'll remember your birthday but that's just old age. If you need anything I'm here. I can listen and I can advise but if you don't need that I'll just care.

Good friends don't let you do stupid things.... Alone!

Dedicated to my very bestest friend - my husband xx

Uh-oh!

So on return from holiday I hopped on the scales - and quickly hopped off! I was (yet again) 15 stones!! Bloody hell! WTF?! I could have kicked the cat (this is a lie - I would NEVER do that!) But honestly? Why?? Oh yeah...I know why.... Bloody cocktails, fine eating and lying around in the sun. Now I can tell I've lost you at this point and you're not feeling sorry for me! But I'm feeling sorry for myself. I really shouldn't be that heavy! But there is nothing new there. At least I'm not 16 stones I guess? Anyway.... Drum roll.... I'm only (I use that word loosely) 14 stones 10 pounds today!

So my baby (no, not my children, my lovely dog! My kids believe I love the dog more than them which is obviously not true. Even though she leaves her toys all over the house she's not as messy as they used to be. She loves me unconditionally and never says 'Eugh get off!' when I cuddle her. She only demands food twice a day and never complains about what I give her! She's polite and patient and never answers me back. But of course I don't love her more than the kids). Anyway, she's just started having seizures. It's so awful for her and really scary for us. Vet not sure if it's epilepsy or a side effect to her Prozac. We just need to monitor her and see what happens. Fingers crossed she's ok.

And me? Well I have a sore back. I was tubing (just in case you don't know - this is sitting in a big rubber doughnut in the sea, being pulled by a speed boat, holding on for dear life and in my case screaming very loudly) and I was flung out! (No! I don't have a video). My back wasn't sore at the time but it was the next day! Might be a coincidence or might be the flinging (or the sunbathing on my tummy) who knows. But it's sore.

I'm telling you all this so you understand why I can't lose weight under these circumstances! Just so much stress. Who the hell wouldn't be reaching for the biscuit tin?? Yes you are supposed to be feeling sorry for me! Has it worked? Good lol

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it just pee on it and walk away!

Holiday blues

Just back from a fabulous time away but holidays always make me have paradoxical feelings.

Whenever I book a holiday I always think 'Right, by the time we go away I'll have lost (insert number here) stones.' And of course it never ever happens. Then I'll go on holiday and think 'Right, I am what I am and I'll wear my bikini and don't care what people think'. I'll strut my stuff fat and proud not hiding in a swim suit - as let's face it you can still see I'm fat. Still look fat in shorts and even if I wore a beach burka you could still see I'm fat! So a bikini it is. But whilst I'm not necessarily the fattest I am sharing the pool/beach with more svelte ladies. And eventually it wears me down and I'm not so proud. I end up just fat and fed up. Feeling miserable and wondering why I wasn't able to lose the pounds I'd promised myself on booking? Then to absolutely put the nail in the coffin I see the holiday photos (see exhibit A) and just lower my head in shame. It's just so very wrong and very depressing.

So today my little boy leaves me. Off to uni he goes. He's close enough to reach him in an emergency but not so close that I can pop up for the weekend. I expect I'll next see him at Christmas! I've spent 18 years preparing him for this moment. I hope I've done a good enough job. I'm proud of what he's achieved but bereft at the same time. Parenting is just a transfer of responsibilities. When they are born you have full responsibility then as they grow you slowly pass this baton. Until one day they have all grown and never pass the baton back.

Well if anyone is in doubt of what I'll be doing over the next few weeks please call! Lol

Everyone knows how to raise children. Except the people who have them!

Pass the biscuit tin.

So I'm a comfort eater. Whether I'm sad, frustrated, angry or disappointed I eat. Now I'm pretty sure this is not big news but I thought you should know what's in my life to be comfort eating so much. Now this is not an exercise in 'Woe is Gilly!' We all have our problems - blimey I must know most of yours! But for those not in the know I feel I just share (I write a weekly blog - I must share some stuff). I lead a charmed life, and I know some are not as lucky as me, but everyone's issues are their own.

So my eldest child had an operation on Tuesday (to fix her knee after a skiing accident). It's her first time under general anaesthetic. And her lovely boyfriend will be leaving to join the navy soon, and she'll be sad. (Mother's don't like their children being sad).

My youngest child has just passed his driving test. Then he announced that he would be driving to Inverness within one week of passing his test. Now Inverness is only 100 miles away - but it's a hard 100 miles with no dual carriageway and single lane roads. Takes over 2 hours. And it was Tuesday! My tummy was churning!! But he did a grand job... Thanks to the tracking app which told me where he was. Then in exactly one week he'll be leaving me for ever as he starts university! Ahhh sob sob

My baby (4 year old golden Labrador) is on Prozac. Literally, the human medication of floroxidine. She is super stressed and scared of her own Shadow. Sometimes she won't even leave the house.

I have problems at work - can't talk about them here. And my contract ends end of December. Might get more funding but no idea yet. Do I hold on and pray or try to get a new job? You see things are complicated in Gilly land!

Anyway I hope your work woes are manageable. Feel the need to find the biscuit tin? Do what I don't and go for a run instead.

PS no sarcastic remarks please.

When my colleague isn't present at work - 5% hopes they are ok. 95% how dare they leave me alone!! Lol xx

Do you want to be in my gang?

So I've been thinking about friendship and the different types of 'diet' mates that I've come across over my years of trying to lose weight.

1. The competitor - will go to the class with you, share recipes and spur you on. They'll also try to beat you in your weight loss goals.

2. The saboteur - will bring you cake and chocolate and make you feel guilty for not eating them... Until you finally succumb.

3. The selfish - they will be thin themselves but will keep telling you that you are fine as you are, that you don't need to lose weight and that of course you should eat the cream cake if you want to because life is short. But they really want to keep you fat because it makes them feel that they are better than you because they are slim.

4. The try hard - really wants to lose weight with you and will for a bit. Then they'll get bored and cheat... And they encourage you to cheat too.

5. The supporter - will want you to succeed. They'll check your progress and praise your effects. They'll say all the right things and try to keep you going.

6. The denier - they are fat and they want you to stay fat because if you are successful they know that there are no excuses and they too should address their weight issues but they don't want to. So they will keep inviting you to lunch, to dinner, to the pub and huff when you don't.

I think all my friends are now trying to work out what type they are lol.

So what is a friend? The Cambridge dictionary describes it -

'a person who you know well, that you like a lot, that is not your enemy and who you trust.'

But I prefer the urban dictionary definition -

'a person who is aware of how retarded you are and still manages to be seen in public with you. Someone who makes you laugh until you pee your pants. When you don't have enough money for an ice cream, they chip in. They know all of your passwords. They would never make you cry just to be mean'.

Some people come into your life for a small period. You think you're inseparable but you drift apart for whatever reason - just life I guess. And others come into your life, put their PJs on, open a bottle of wine and stay forever!

If you are my friend I just want to thank you. I love you and I try my best. I hope you are wearing your PJs!

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the body!

PS if I get dementia and forget you, please forgive me. In the mean time please remember to donate to my fundraising endeavours with Alzheimer's Society! https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/gilly-wilson3

Pros & Cons

This was one of the tattoo designs hubby was thinking of submitting for my competition/fundraising to be tattooed on my lower back! So cheeky! So far he hasn't but I wouldn't put it past him.

I hope you've all now seen my charity fundraising effort. Even if you're not interested in the tattoo please donate, no matter how small - it all adds up and this is a very worthwhile cause. If you've never been affected by Alzheimer's then watch The Notebook.
www.justgiving.com/fundraising/gilly-wilson3

I thought you might like my pros & cons of being fat!

PROS

1. The fat insulates you and keeps you warm in winter.
2. You can just go ahead and eat pizza, chips, cake, chocolate etc etc
3. You don't have to run. You can't run so why try?
4. You don't have to worry about what you wear. You feel a state in everything so hey!
5. You make a big splash when you jump in the pool.
6. You can drink more before getting drunk.
7. You're the happy bubbly one.
8. You spend your life thinking about food... that's a lot.
9. Eating makes you happy.

CONS

1. You sweat a lot in the summer - which is not a good look.
2. It can increase your risk of illness.
3. You'll probably snore.
4. It's a nightmare finding clothes to fit.
5. You feel stupid wearing a bikini or shorts.
6. You feel ugly.
7. You're more likely to be found guilty.
8. You're less likely to get that job.
9. It costs more to get drunk.
10. You spend your life thinking about diets.
11. Being fat makes you cry.

Well the cons win - better get on and lose that weight then! And before you all get your knickers in a twist and I get thousands of messages telling me that fat people can run or they can wear a bikini and feel proud - these are just my own warped views about me being fat, so it's fine. Off you go - running in your bikini then.

When I went running today I heard someone clapping, it was just my thighs cheering me on.

I'm as heavy as a giant anteater

It's true! Here's the proof - I am as heavy as a giant anteater. The National Museum of Scotland in Edinburgh told me. It was pretty horrendous actually. There were great big tall grown men who were also as heavy as a giant anteater.... And me!

So I've had a check up with my GP. He thinks this low spell is because my baby is going to university soon. And I probably agree. There are lots of stressful things in my life at the moment but my little boy going out into the big bad world is a worry. I know I don't look old enough for my youngest to be leaving home, but what can I tell you? I'm blessed! Anyway I could go on and on about my mental health, but I don't want to do that - I'd have to change the name of my blog to Gilly's Doom and Gloom. But I do want to tell you how it affects my eating. In just a couple of words " I eat too much". I comfort eat. I eat when I'm hungry and I eat when I'm not. I eat when I'm full and I eat when I really don't want to. I just eat all the time. My head just can't cope with any sensible eating plan. I can't eat healthily and it makes me miserable! And then we go round and round in circles. And no one can tell me! No one can help me! I just can't/won't listen. But I'll get better and I'll do it.

Right! Now the exciting bit. Would you like to design a tattoo for my lower back? You can pick/draw/design anything you like. The only catch is I'd like you to donate £10 to the Alzheimer's society, through my Just Giving page, to enter the competition. All designs into a hat and one pulled out will be tattooed onto my back. All the rules are on www.justgiving.com/fundraising/gilly-wilson3 
Message me if you have any questions. Thank you so much for your support. Please feel free to donate any amount even if you don't want to enter a tattoo idea. Thank you so much. Ooh, and please share and tell all your friends!

No I don't care what my tattoos look like when I'm 90, I'll just be glad that I'm still alive!

Gin? Yes please

I forgot to tell you, the other weekend when I had a flying visit to Newcastle, I was staying with my mum and (no surprise) we were discussing my weight! My husband said that (even though he knew I didn't want to hear it) that there was a correlation with my weight loss stopping and me drinking again (remember I had a dry January?). To which my mother responded - and I quote - "oh Gilly, you're not on the drink again?!". Ooh my goodness, does that not sound like I'm an alcoholic? But yes I am consuming the odd glass of wine or G&T. But maybe I should have a dry August... Just in case it's more than just a correlation!

Talking of my hubby, he never complains about my size. I frequently quiz him with corkers like 'would I be more attractive if I was slim/would you fancy me more if I was thinner/would you love me more if I was skinny??' to which he always replies the same way, 'Gilly you would be happier if you lost weight and that's all I want'. Until the other day!! When he made a formal complaint. Since I've put on 3 extra stones (aka let myself go) he's noticed that my knickers don't match my bra! I can not deny this. I used to always wear matching. Every new bra came with 2 pairs of matching knickers. I'm embarrassed to admit that the other day I wore a green bra with purple pants!! Good job I wasn't knocked over. You see, there are so many facets to being fat!

So things not going well with the weight issues. Mental health not great. This means I want to comfort eat and drink copious amounts of alcohol (it's ok mum, I'm still not an alcoholic) but I'm doing all things necessary to fix my head and then my body will follow. More next week!

Gin may not be the answer, but it's worth a shot!

PS I got caught out a treat once, when asking my hubby one of my cracking questions (those of you who have read my blog since the beginning will have heard this already, but I couldn't resist repeating it) upon asking him if my trousers made me look fat, he replied 'No, your fat makes you look fat!'

Stop the world...

Do you ever just feel like you're on a treadmill? You can't stop. You can't catch your breath. You have to keep walking but you just want to shout 'Stop!' Please just give me a minute, to take stock, to look around and smell the roses! This is not helping me lose weight. I can't think about it. It needs planning, and will power, and strategy and brain cells firing... But I just can't do at the moment. I'm on a run away train. Choo-choo!

You'll never believe this? We popped to Newcastle at the weekend for a flying visit (literally 36 hours!!) And I managed to put on 4lbs! Yes I had PMT, yes I was expecting a wheat baby, yes I indulged BUT 4lbs. How is that even possible?? I'm good - but I'm not that good. 

Well it's that time again. I think it is time for another poem! Lol I knew you'd be excited.

               Afternoon tea

My friend took me out for afternoon tea
A late birthday gift, a big treat for me
We arrived at the castle, with resident ghost
Once sat at the table (with bubbly to toast)
The waitress came over with a three tier cake stand
All that was missing was a Miners Brass Band
The sight of the cakes... My heart was a flutter
Petite finger sarnies with lashings of butter
The warm fruit scones with jam and fresh cream
I took a big bite and it tasted a dream
The top tier was last but where do I start?
Brownie, cake, macaron or a mini lime tart?
It will be no surprise that I managed it all
I slid off my chair and started to crawl
My friend had to roll me back to the car
It was a jolly good job it wasn't that far
Is it really any wonder I'm round in the tummy?
But I have to admit it was rather quite yummy!


My brain says 'crunches' but my stomach auto-corrects it to 'cupcakes'.

Post #109

I have been writing this blog for over 2 years now! Hasn't time flown? I've decided that it makes me an expert - in all things. So I thought I'd impart some of my wisdom.

Life according to Gilly :

1. If someone is slimmer than you they are not better than you, they are simply slimmer.

2. Don't try to lose weight if your mind is not in it. You'll be wasting time. Get you head sorted and things will be easier.

3. Drink gin - it's yummy!

4. I like a clean house but I hate housework. I do the minimum I can get away with (it does help that hubby will do it instead lol). I am only here for a finite amount of years and I will not waste that time on housework. Life is too short.

4b. If you like housework and clean daily to have a sparkling home that's up to you - whatever makes you happy. But you are not better than me, you're just different (and a bit weird). 

5. Never eat calories that you don't actually love. Food is delicious - don't eat things you don't like.

6. Love should not be hard. If your relationship is more than 10% difficult then try to fix that. Aim for between 10% - 5% difficulty. If you are more than 40% then you are doing it completely wrong. My advice? Bin it and start again. Don't squander your life with the wrong person - one day you'll regret it.

7. Do something nice for a stranger. You'll feel great and they will too.

8. Watch Wimbledon!

9. Don't be bullied. Don't watch other people being bullied. And obviously never do the bullying. When I was in middle school I remember a pupil in high school killed herself because she was bullied. I was about 11 years old and it has stuck with me. Don't ignore bullying! But also think that the bully is mostly likely very sad. Think about it... Have you ever known a really happy person being mean?

10. So being slimmer or cleaner does not make you better than me, so what does? Being kinder, more thoughtful, generous and more honest - these are the important things that count.

These are just my own personal views. Please don't sue me!

We all have two lives. The second one starts when we realise we only have one.

More Tigger less Eeyore

My cloud has dispersed and I've been frantically painting my stripes to be more like Tigger! This is good because a) It's not nice for me or anyone around me when I'm feeling low b) it is easier to control my eating. 

Now I've not gone mental and given up the chocolate but I have been concentrating on not eating crap and I've been eating healthier meals. So not necessarily low calorie meals (5-2 fasting will have to wait a little longer) but wholesome meals - porridge, fruit, Greek yogurt, salads, beans, couscous, salmon, chicken and nuts! You get my drift? Really scrummy food! And I've tried to limit my chocolate intake to the really good quality stuff (I'm not perfect of course but trying).

Did you see The Crash Diet Experiment on TV a few weeks ago? It was a well known fact that crash dieting was a big no no. It was thought that if you lost weight this way you'd put it straight back on and more. Now this isn't a lie however I think this is a danger no matter how you lose weight. It's not rocket science. If you lose weight then just return to the way you were eating before, that got you fat in the first place, then you're going to put it all back on! D'oh is that not common sense? I guess with crash diets you can't continue to eat like that for ever so at some point you have to stop the crash and eat proper food and you'll not have learnt how to eat better so it's far easier to go back to eating like you had been. The programme proved that losing weight quickly is not unhealthy per se. It's what you do after. I reckon if you're clever you could lose lots of weight quickly then eat healthily to keep it off! Losing weight is the number one thing to improve your health, followed by not smoking (or vice versa). I'd love to crash diet and get it all off quickly but I'm pretty sure I couldn't stick to it for more than a week. I'd be too hungry lol.

Summer is here and I've been in my bikini. And quite frankly I don't care who sees me! It's not because I think I look stunning (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha) but this is me. This is what I look like and I'm not hiding away for anybody. If you don't like my fat belly then look away. I think you should all get your bikinis on and don't give a stuff! Don't let other people dictate what's appropriate! Tell them to stick it up their Yahoo!!!


The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today!

Lost that pesky 2lbs! So back on track and ready for the next stone!

What the hell is going on here?

I'm not sure if I can make this a jolly post this week. My mental health isn't as it should be. A coincidence that it went down hill this time last year? Is it a phenomena that I haven't heard of? The upside down version of SAD? The sun is shining and I love the long days and the light nights. Doesn't make sense to me at all. But hey ho. Out of my control. And you know what else is out of control? Yep. My eating. When I lost my first stone earlier this year it became (dare I say) easy. I honestly never thought I'd go back to my old habits. But slowly and surely I did. My 14lb loss is now only 12lb and that is devastating. Now don't all worry I'm not in a deep dark depression but it's just enough to increase my chocolate consumption!

This picture of me last year is horrendous! Not sure if it's made worse by standing next to my slim friends but I hate it. I don't know if I look any better now but I think I do ... Only problem is I still look yuk! It is beyond beggars believe that when you want to slim so very very very much you just can't seem to do it. I was wondering why I was struggling so much when in January I managed to make that decision and I did it. I re-read my blog from then and I've come to the conclusion that's it's this whole mountain thing. I'm thinking of the 4 stone I need to lose. So I've reminded myself that I don't need to lose 4 stone I just need to drop 1 stone. Just 1 little stone. I've decided I'll get back on plan just for 4 weeks, come on Gilly your can do 4 weeks! And then I'll see where I am!

If only I could learn how to say no. Gilly would you like a biscuit... No thank you. Gilly would you like some chocolate... No thank you. Gilly would you like a great big burger with chips and coleslaw... No thank you. (I can just see my hubby when reading this he's thinking that I absolutely know how to say no. Ha ha ha). Don't get me wrong. I am not blaming anyone else. It's me asking the questions. It's myself I can't say no to! I am my own worse enemy.

Can you remember the TV programme Fat Friends? The character that ran the slimming club had a saying that I'm going to make my new mantra....

Nothing tastes as good as slim feels! 

(So they tell me anyway)

If I was a slim girl!

Look at what I have to put up with at work! They are tucking into a giant Apple pie. With Gay abandon! Is it any wonder I struggle with food? And yes I did have a big slice of pie.... Twice (at least).

So getting back to plan hasn't gone to plan. I didn't forgot but just kind of didn't do it. I wanted to but still didn't do it. I really need to and yet I didn't do it. I've watched TV all about it - The Truth About Carbs/Crash Diet Experiment/Beach Body in 4 weeks/Get Fit Fast etc etc and yet I still didn't do it. I need a slap (oy! Don't all queue up thank you). But take heart. I bloody well will do it!! I'm breaking myself in gently. PMT etc is responsible! That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. Even being poorly yesterday only dampened my appetite temporarily. Bailey's and Apple pie is just so good.

Also, whilst losing weight is pretty much on my mind constantly it has occurred to me that not much will change. Obviously in my head when I'm slim I'll be more attractive and (please God) I'll be healthier. But I'll still be me. Just Gilly! I won't be kinder or smarter or more thoughtful. I'll still do a good job at work and I'll still love my holidays and I won't be nicer or funnier or better. I'll still just be me. What will Gilly be except slimmer?

All you slim people can answer this for me. Do you think about how great it is being slim all the time? I think about being fat all the time and when I see gorgeous slim people I presume in their head they are saying 'oh my goodness I'm slim and I'm happy and I look fantastic and I love it!' Cos when I'm slim that's what I'm sure will be running through my head all day every day! Surely??!!

You never hear skinny  people saying that they are just small boned.

CORRECTION : So I have to apologise to my hubby. Last week I told you that when I asked him if he wanted to write my blog he told me to 'Fuck Off.' My husband feels that this was woefully under-reported and he has asked me to rectify. What actually happened was that the colour drained from his face, he started to shake and vomited in the loo. Then he said 'Fuck off Gilly I can't do that!' and added something like 'I'd rather poke out my own eyes!' I apologise for this error and hope that no one was offended by this omission.

Ready for the next!

Aw I think you've all missed me!? It was my son's idea. Letting someone close to me blog their opinions of my weight issues and endeavours at losing. I thought it was brilliant and asked him if he'd like to do it...'No thanks mum' lol. My husband was obviously the best choice (being the closest and all that i.e. having to listen to all my moans/celebrations/moans) except, he can't even write a shopping list! So he politely declined - 'fuck off Gilly I can't do that!'. So who? Who knows me well? Who is opinionated? Who has their finger in healthy eating and exercise? That would be my lovely brother in law! Thank you Richard, I liked your piece. It was pertinent. A friend spoke to me and pointed out that his post just showed that weight loss is personal. If us fatties only had to lose 8lbs we'd be bloody delighted. In fact I'd go as far as to say if I only needed to lose half a stone I would consider myself skinny! But for Richard that's his demon! So whether it's 4lbs or 14 stones our extra fat is a demon to each of us. We all need to face our personal demons. Go Richard!!

So yes I was on holiday (with WiFi lol). A few days in Dubrovnik, Croatia. It was lovely (see pic - it rained the day we walked the old wall. Strike rained... It poured) I didn't put much weight on, which is a minor miracle for me on holiday! Mind you the food wasn't great (veg boiled within an inch of their life, mashed potato tasting like Smash, weird fish) but the daily pizza was good, the hot chocolate in lieu of decaf coffee was yum and the ice cream delicious! Cor I think I was lucky just putting on a lb!! Anyway, said lb has gone. I'm still at my stone loss and I'm ready to lose the next one! Back to the 5-2! Finger extracted! Ready to battle! Bring it on!!! I'm back to see the dietician in about 6 weeks so that's my target - I will do this!

Btw I did my wee Kilt Walk. It was delightful. Just under 2 hours at a very pleasant pace (my walking pal has very little legs) and the sun was shining. I really loved it and we raised £170 for the centre where I work! I'll definitely do it again next year! Might even upgrade to the 14 miles! Get me.


Those who spend their time looking for faults in others usually never make time to correct their own.

Be my guest!

Hi, and hello, not your usual blog this week, not sure what came over Gilly but she asked me to be her guest blogger, I think on the QT she is away on a secret holiday with no internet.

But, no matter how its came about I feel very privileged, if not honoured, to be asked to step into her shoes, even for one week. 

So lets see how I get on filling them.

When I was first asked to do the blog I thought what can I write about, first thing that came to mind was Gilly’s weight loss trials and tribulations, no, you all know about that from Gilly herself, then I thought, talk about Gilly the person, again, we all know about Gilly, so I decided, talk about ME.

So me, I’m the brother in law from Brum, I’ve known Gilly since she was 6, yes that long, so she can't be all that bad, and she calls me Richard most the time, unless I’m annoying her then I'm called all sorts of things, but secretly I think I'm her favourite brother in law, secretly in my head at least.

I have some obsessions and issues, 2 obsessions to be precise, holidays and food, thats 2 in 1, and exercise, now the first one is more a compulsion, I love holidays, I try to blame Jane (my long suffering wife) for booking all these holidays, but really it is me pushing her to book them. Then when I'm on holiday I love to eat, I love to sample the local produce and when abroad I hunt out the local restaurants, no picture food here please. And when we are sat in a cafe having a coffee, it's nice to have a cake to go with it.  

Then my second (3rd) obsession. Exercise, in particular cycling, and when you think cycling I'm not talking ‘gym bike’ for 20 minutes or a cruise down a canal tow path. No. Try Newcastle to London non stop in 24 hours, yes really it can be done. 

Now my issue.

Recently, when I got out of bed and looked in that mirror, I saw something I don't want to see (Gilly stop laughing and you Mark), a food baby, yes I have a belly on me and I don't like it, in the last 10 months I've put on 8lbs and I don't want to be a MAMIL (for those that don't know, google it, its safe, you wont need to delete your browser history), I want to be more Chris Froome, thin and stealthy, able to sprint up those hills (Oh its good to dream), so I have 4 months before the biggest Velo sportive of the year to lose 8lbs, but I also have 4 months to go on holiday, I’m on one right now, we are away in Cornwall with their cream teas and scones, so this week is a “just stay the same, don't add weight please” sort of week.

Wish me luck, and if Gilly can lose a stone I'm sure I can lose 8lbs.

Well that was me, I enjoyed that, makes you thing about life, hope you enjoyed my ramblings and if you didn’t, the complaints department will be open next Friday.

Now this is where Gilly puts her thought for the week, so I better try and do the same.

Cycling never gets easier, you just get faster.

And say hello to Jason Isaacs ;-))